After Dinner
A Thursday Prompt story
© 2024 by Walter Reimer

Prompt:  cash

The badger sat back, wiped his mouth fastidiously, and deposited the napkin beside the plate.  The meal had been very good, and as he basked in his replete state the waiter came up to him.
The ferret placed a slip of paper on the table.  “Your check, Sir,” he said courteously.
The badger beamed at him.  The waiter had been attentive but not intrusive and deserved a good tip for his service.  “Thank you,” the badger said, glancing at the paper.
$35.42.  Perfect.
“I’ll be back for your payment, Sir,” and the ferret began to turn away, only to stop as the badger cleared his throat.  “Sir?”
“No need to come back,” the badger said, holding up the receipt.  “Keep the change.”  There was a fifty-dollar bill paired with the receipt.
The ferret blinked.  “Um, I’m sorry Sir.”
“’Sorry?’”
“We don’t accept cash, Sir.”
The badger stared up at the ferret as if the fellow mustelid had suddenly grown two heads.  “This.  Place.  Doesn’t.  Accept.  Cash?” he asked, speaking slowly and enunciating each word.
“Yes, Sir.  Credit or debit cards only.”
The badger looked at the ferret as if he’d suddenly grown two heads, one of which was declaiming poetry in voluble Korean.  He held the bill out separate from the receipt.  “Can you read?”
“Sir?”
“I asked, ‘Can you read?’”
“Of course, Sir.”
“Can you read English?”
The ferret’s smile became somewhat fixed.  “Yes, Sir.”
The badger glanced at the bill before pointing.  “Read that aloud, please.”
The ferret read aloud, “This note is legal tender for all debts, public and private.”
“That’s exactly correct,” the badger said.  “Legal tender.  Coin of the realm, wampum, mazuma, lettuce, money.  It is backed by the government.  It is not a series of ones and zeros dancing to some algorithm that neither of us know or can understand.”  There was a pause.
“I’ll get the manager, Sir,” the ferret said.
“You do that,” the badger said.  “I’m not going anywhere.”
The manger was a gaunt oryx.  “What seems to be the problem, Sir?”  The ferret stood slightly behind the manager.
“This young man refused to accept currency in exchange for my meal.”
The oryx smiled.  “It’s our policy, Sir.  The no-cash policy is more efficient.”
“Efficient.”  The badger said the word as if it had been coated with lemon pepper.
It did not pair well with the dessert.
“Yes, Sir.”
“I see.  Power.”
“I beg your pardon, Sir?”
“I said ‘Power.’  What do you do if the lights go out?  Your card and chip readers won’t work, will they?”
“No, Sir, but – “
“And I didn’t bring my cards with me tonight.”  The badger waved the fifty-dollar bill back and forth as if he were a conjuror trying to hypnotize the oryx and the ferret.  “Now, if you wish to employ the tired old trope of having me wash dishes to work off my debt, I am fully prepared to do just that.  However, I would not take it kindly, this young man would not get the substantial tip I had planned on giving him, and I can promise you a positively scathing review of this otherwise excellent establishment.”
There was a pause.
“It’s our policy, Sir,” the oryx said.
“I saw no sign at the entrance,” the badger said.
The oryx blinked.  “Excuse me,” and he walked off at a fair clip.
“I’m very sorry about this, Sir,” the ferret said.
The badger waved this away.  “No apology required, young sir.  You’re doing your job, and quite well, I may say.”
The manager returned.  “We’ll accept your payment, Sir,” he said in a leaden voice before turning and walking away.
The badger beamed.  “Excellent.  Here you are,” and he gave the ferret the bill and the receipt.  “Keep the change; you’ve earned it.”
“Thank you, Sir,” and the ferret walked away.
The badger chuckled as he got ponderously to his feet, and [url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Owuk3cZGtQ]he began to sing a sprightly tune as he walked to the door[/url].

end