I shot up from another nightmare, sitting up and gasping for breath, sweat heavy and cold on my paws. It had been over a year since I abandoned my home, but the horrors of the past were still as graphic as the day they happened. 

	The day was beginning to break through the forest. The smell of disturbed grass told of a visitor. A friendly one. They'd been here a few times before. I wiped the tears crusted into my pelt from another night of rememberance not wanting to concern anyone with my appearance.

	She looked up from her meditative trance as I stepped out into the daylight, "Good morning, Dace." Though she didn't smile, I could feel her welcoming through her vibrant green eyes. For the life of me, I couldn't remember her name. She was a new student to Arius. Like many before her, she would learn the virtues of spirituality through practice, humility and patience. 

She slowly bowed her head back down and continued to meditate. 

She was always kind to me. She and several of Arius' other disciples would grace me with stories of their travels and gifts from afar. A quilt here, foreign food there; It was as though they were empathetic of my past, but Arius told no one of it and I never spoke. I could always feel the comfort of knowing that their gratuities were for the sake of being gracious. I was always grateful for their gestures and would return the kindness by presenting them with hot spice water upon visiting.

Arius spoke from behind me, "I see we're quick to our feet this day." I turned and showed my paws up to him, bowing my head in greeting. He did the same. "Be ready, Dace. You are soon to embark on a great journey". He smiled kindly and started to his pupil who stood and greeted him as I did.

I had been waiting for today to come for a long while. I'd been bombarded with a great deal of wisdom from his lengthy and oftentimes dull teaching sessions. Philosophy this, herbalism that; I wanted to learn the good stuff and that was soon to happen. I kept my elation at bay as I sparked a fire underneath the stone bowl and in it, grinded the necessary herbs into a paste. I gave the hot spice water to both Arius and his student and then made the long wait. Even while keeping myself occupied with studies, chores and a nap, the day seemed to take forever to pass. But eventually, the time had come.

As I was clearing the beaten pathways of leaves, Arius spoke with his deep but soft voice, presenting me with a tall, wide bladed sword."Dace, it is time. Take the grip as I have shown you."


His faded black paw held the massive weapon so that it was unable to sway. His immense strength allowed him to hold even the heaviest arms without folly.

I reached for the blade as it neared my grasp, expressly thrilled. After a year of seemingly endless lecture and meditation that I often fell asleep to, I was finally going to do what I wanted. I took hold of the handle, feeling the cold leather firmly in my paw. As I was instructed, I parted my feet and held my arms straight out in front of me. Leveling my shoulders, I adjusted my paws to tighten the grip that I had. I finally had the blade in a full grasp, suddenly feeling as if I had the strength to hew the world in two. With my arms flexing and my fists tight, Arius released his grip on the massive blade. It immediately fell clumsily onto the leafy ground, taking me with it.

I laid still, staring in disbelief through the red and yellow leaves of autumn. I lifted myself up, and cautiously looked to Arius who I though would want to break my knees. But with a chuckling sigh at my display of weakness, he helped me to my feet.


"I'm afraid you're not ready for a weapon of this size." He said with a warming grin, "We'll try something a bit smaller." I brushed myself off from the leaves that clung to my flax tunic. Arius took the sword back and lead the way into his cabin. I watched him stride humbly as his tail swayed with his steps while I followed at a distance with my own tail in between my legs.


When we walked though the door, the smell of moss from the dark brown wood of his log-made hovel flowed into my nostrils as it had for months. Whichever way that I looked, I saw weapons that were at least twice the size that I was, shimmering with such brilliance that it almost hurt when I looked directly into them. Even the dullest of blades shined with such a surprising luminosity that it would deafen the light of a full moon. The only real weaponless area was where his paw-crafted bed and quilt laid. He was intent on a weapon that rested on a stand in front of the only window in the shanty. He walked up to a small shelf where he carefully took a kris from its display.


"Now," He began, turning around to face me. "Try this one."


I stared at the blade that he presented to me, wondering what misfortune would take place if I overestimated my abilities again. Carefully, I took the sterling curved dagger from his outstretched paw. Though it was a little heavy, its handle fit perfectly into my paw and unlike the weapon before, it would show me no embarrassment.


"Feel not ashamed, Dace." He said with his soft, powerful voice "for even I could not hold a sword so great in size at so young an age. This, however, is perfect, even for you," He looked outside. "But the sun is soon to set I'm afraid. You will have to practice in the morning when you have rested well. But I warn you that tomorrow will not show such mercy as the days past." He looked at me with an uncovered eye before a section of his hair came around and covered it again. He continued, parting it to one side. "And before my memory fades again." He knelt down next to me, "There is a chest in that corner." He pointed to a large, reddish yellow, almost orange box. I'd seen it before, but I never took any real interest in it "What is in there is yours, but only when you are ready to venture off alone into the great wilderness."


Arius stood, patted my head, and left the cottage. I stayed back and took time to feel and cherish the blade, loving the craftsmanship of what I now called my own. Disporting with the shining steel, I slashed it into the air with random motions of my arm, thinking that I already knew what I was doing. I played until I became exhausted, where soon after my exercise, I placed the weapon back on its shelf and went back to the hollow tree that Arius pointed out to me when I first came to his dwelling. I drew the woven curtain aside and welcomed myself inside and onto the bed that one of his students had built for me.


The night passed peacefully, and the day broke over the horizon with its usual approach, but the serenity of the morning was only the placid beginning of a day that will live in endless time. 


In a normal situation, I would have gotten out of bed, dressed up and prepared for the day. But today, I woke only to be introduced to the other side of Arius. The one that had any care for me had changed from a calm and understanding parent, to a hard-hearted instructor of battle. 

"You're late." He scolded, paws behind his back "I will let this slip only once. From now on, I want you up and ready before the dawn." I straightened out and woke up far quicker than normal. "From now on, you will do nothing unless instructed to. You will not eat, you will not rest, you will not speak unless you are told to." He stepped up to me. "The discipline you are going to recieve will weigh heavy on your heart. I will, however, make you into a great warrior, built for survival. I know precicely where you want to go and I can provide to you everything to get you there. My question to you, now, is this," He knealt down in front of me. "Are you sure that you want this?"

I didn't have to think. I knew what I wanted and I would do anything to get it. With a straight face, I nodded.

"Then it is settled. I will teach you everything that I know." 

I nearly regretted saying yes within the first few minutes of training.

	Though the first of these days were just long and sometimes harsh lectures of weapons, their use and their anatomy, the training would progress daily. 


When I became used to the fiercest of his orations, it was time for me to study each weapon's capabilities first-hand. If I stepped out of line, even the slightest hint of defiance, he chose the appropriate punishment that would show me the right of way. When I became an expert of one weapon, I progressed up to another.


The pattern of my routine was repetitive; as I came to master one blade, I was drilled into learning another until I knew every last detail. From dagger to great sword, I was trained in every blade in between. Harder than I could have ever dreamt possible. But with every year passed, every sword that I subjugated, and every emotional nerve broken, I grew stronger, physically, spiritually and mentally. When I grew to be three quarters of Arius towering height, I was educated in other weapons. He trained me with halberds, axes, spears, chains, fists, and an assortment of other arms.


But, after years of practice, patience, and tutoring, the moment of truth came. The time when only one question was asked: Was I ready to take on the world?

Arius and I stood face to face, staring one another down. In my opponents' eyes, I could see nothing but a thirst for victory that he wanted dearly.

"Ready your weapons." Spoke another of Arius' students as he stood between us, ready to commence the dual.

My paw edged to the handle of my blade, while Arius gripped his. I could feel myself quiver with tension as my hold tightened, but I set myself free of the uneasiness that pressed my conscious, allowing focus to overcome fear.
I waited for the word of commence patiently as time drew his words further into the past.

Then, it came, suddenly, but sure enough.

"Draw!" the student's voice echoed through the woods.

I unsheathed my blade with great speed that I had only recently acquired, but as its tip escaped from the hilt, my opponent was already in a full sprint.

I readied myself for anything, anxiously twisting my weapon in between my paws as he approached. His weapon charged down with a vertical swing, short-lived sparks flying as our blades ground off from each other. I parried everything that he dished out, but his attacks seemed as though they had no end. Again and again he struck, wanting to make an end to this session, but I made sure that his thirst for victory was not quenched.

Without warning, my adversary leapt back. I found this to be the perfect opportunity to attack, but I quickly came to a realization. He was waiting to counter. If I made any attempt to rise on the offense, he'd take my force and use it against me. I Wanted to make him see that he'd created a great warrior. I wanted him to know that his dedication to me wasn't in vain. 

I called his bluff, jerking forward, and feigning a full swing.
With the time that he had to realize that I was only creating a decoy, my sword sliced through the air but he had time enough to avert it.

I was now the one with the upper hand; he had to respond to me.

He fended off every strike that I executed, making the sparks brighter and more abundant than before.

He stepped back and leapt immediately forward, bringing his weapon down on me as though it were a heavy war hammer, hoping that he could regain control, but his attempt amounted to nothing.

Our edges met with a loud, piercing clang. Before he could pull it back, I locked his handguard into mine and took hold of his vest, nearly letting my sword from my grip as his flew to the ground and with my other paw, punched him in the throat, making him stumble back as he covered his neck as though his jugular was cut. I stepped away from him.

I stood tired and nearly out of wind as I stared at Arius. He looked back at me with half closed eyes, his tongue sagging out, gasping for breath. I realized that I'd punched him far too hard for a trial. I sheathed my weapon and knelt down next to him.

ÿ"Damn." He said, trying to regain his breath, "Though I do not forgive dirty fighting, you are the first that I've had to ever overcome me like that at so young an age." Be got up and took a knee." Your power is great, but your mind is not at ease. We will spar again in the morning, but for now, I want you to come with me to the pondering stones. You must form a stronger bond with our Great Mother." 

	Though I couldn't comprehend why he wanted us to bond with the earth, I knew that he would continue to speak of it at the Stones as we meditate, helping me to find truth.

"Arius," I felt remorseful "Forgive me. I should have considered your age and-" He cut me off, laughing weakly.

"Age makes no difference." He said waving a paw at me, when he was able to breathe normally. "A wise man once said to me, `The size of the beast is not what wins him the fight, but it is the size of the fight that makes him victorious.' I know what fight I have left. I know my limit and I know it takes a great amount to overcome me. You, on the other hand, you are one not to be underestimated."

Whether he his reference of men was accidental or intentional, I had no idea, but I sat in silence staring into nothing and recollecting profaned memories of what I used to call home. Arius noticed my blank stare. "Is something bothering you?" he asked

"Men," I began quietly, "Damned parasites. None of them are wise. They're all just a nuisance to our kind." Unconsciously, I intensified my emotion "If I had the power, I would kill them all. I'd make each of them suffer like they've made me. I'd make them feel the same kind of pain that I felt when they destroyed me!" Arius surprisingly sprung up.

"Selfish nonsense!" He exclaimed, "Do you think that I was able to teach myself to master what I know? Absolutely not!" He flung the point of his sword into the ground and pointed at me furiously, "I would not know what I do today if humans did not exist! Truth be told, you would be dead if it weren't for them!" his voice tore through the forest like nothing near to what his melee instruction voice was. His student turned and pretended not to hear him.

I was more confused than enraged or afraid of this statement.
"Then why did you kill the men that wanted me as a prisoner or dead? Why were their lives not spared?"

Arius let out a sigh that pressed his anger and sat back down. 

"Because your life was in danger." He looked away from me shamefully "You see Dace, I would have done the same for a human that had been outnumbered by our kind. It wouldn't be right to leave anyone unable to fend for themselves to do so." He seemed hesitant "But understand that people are sophisticated. Those that seem evil are only afraid and feel that they need to rid of their fear. That fear is us. They are afraid of what they don't know. We are a race that is not so different from them, Dace. We think the same as them and even act the same. You for example, you have a dire hatred for them because of what they did to you and your family. Some humans have gone through the same tragic events that you have, hence their hatred for us. Do you understand?"

I understood every word that came from his foul, twisted tongue, but I wouldn't believe any of them. I didn't want to think that he would betray me to defend something so repulsive as a human being. I stood up and left without a word.

As I walked, the same question kept running through my mind: How could he have been able to cope with them? It was now Arius that I couldn't understand. Would he kill off our own race for a pathetic human? No. He had to have been lying. I just couldn't accept it.

I stopped walking and leaned up against the nearest tree. I needed time to think about the outcome of what I had done.

But before I could, Arius spoke from behind me talking as calm as he could.

"Dace?" I glanced over my shoulder.

"What do you want?" I was intentionally disrespectful.

"I know what it feels like to hate," he began, "and after a great deal of thought, I understand the kind of hatred you keep inside." he paused for a moment, turning to the canopy of trees. "My forest has been a sanctuary to many people for many winters." He waved his paw into the air, "I've passed my teachings to all that were willing to listen," He looked back at me and pointed, "And to those that were not." I stepped back as he walked beside me and welcomed himself onto a sitting stone, paws resting on his knees. "I brought you here into my home because you were terrified of your world becoming: A life of hardships, living without anyone to teach you, to guide you or love you, believing that the entire world has turned its back to you. Know that because of this hatred that you keep, I must prematurely conclude your training." I shut my eyes hard and shook my head disapprovingly. "I have taught you many things, but kept secret many more that I would have shown to you. Because of your hate, I'm terrified for you, Dace."

I never thought that I would hear those words. Though I'd been here long enough, I felt uneasy digesting what he said. He had me convinced that I was not trustworthy to him.

Arius continued reassuringly, "Rest assure, however, I can't stay with my pupils until their death. There is a time when they must venture out on their own and fend for themselves. I have raised you for nearly three years and educated you for two of them. You have, at least, the skills you need to be on your own." His words calmed me down.

But it was those final words that made me realize, at last, what his intentions were. His meditation sessions were for me to become one with all living things and his lectures were for me to understand why. But it seemed that I was a failure as his student. I only absorbed the weapons training that I had completed within the precincts of his sanctuary. I was a failure to him.

"I will expect your departure for tomorrow." He continued, "Get a good rest tonight. The travels ahead of you will be cruel." He walked back toward his cottage.

"Arius wait." I wanted to reason with him, but he kept silent and completed his path, closing the door behind him. "I'm sorry."

That night, I laid on my back, paws under my head, staring at the stars that lit up the night through an opening of the trees. The thought of me finally leaving what I called home was more of a feeling of freedom the more I pondered its aftermath.

I would be free to wander where I chose to without the feeling of helplessness that had always been a part of me.

But still, the uneasiness of how Arius spoke his words tormented my conscious. I didn't want him to think that I was a relentless killer.

This thought haunted me for the rest of the night, even as I slept.