INFLATOR SNAKE - This venomous constrictor is native to jungle habitats, and is easily recognizable by its distinctive coloring, reddish-orange with two white stripes down its back.  Its common name comes from the effects of its unique venom: once injected, the venom targets the victim's respiratory system, causing it to malfunction and forcing the victim to inhale uncontrollably and become immobile from bloating.  A typical bite will induce 30-60 seconds of uncontrolled inhalation, after which the effects fade and the victim is free to exhale; if you are bitten, it is best to stay calm and wait it out.  Inflator snakes only ever bite in self-defense; they incapacitate their prey via constriction.

Johnny Jackal closed the matchbox-sized field guide and passed it to his companion, Fruits the bat, who tucked it into her pocket.  The two of them had ventured out into the wilderness in search of one of the snakes the book mentioned; the instant the jackal had read about them he knew he just HAD to get bitten by one.

"See any snakes yet, Fruits?" Johnny inquired.

~No fauna in sight, J.J.,~ Fruits replied telepathically.  ~Nothing on the mental wavelength, either.~

The two of them trekked through the natural maze, brushing aside leaves and navigating around jungle hazards.  Sometimes Johnny would help Fruits get unstuck from a bad branch, or the bat would fly the jackal over a nasty pit.

Finally they sighted one.

A fiery colored snake with two white streaks down its body was resting coiled on a branch.  It looked exactly like the picture from the guidebook.  There was no doubting it, this was the inflator snake they were looking for.

Stay back, Fruits.  I'll try and provoke it.

~Roger that, J.J.~

Johnny made his way to the snake's branch and examined it for a moment, then leaned over and flicked it in the nose.  Fruits watched from a few yards away.

After a moment of nothing happening, the jackal flicked the snake's nose again.  This time it stirred, rising its head to glare at him.  Johnny didn't stop there, and began poking and brushing its head from all angles.

Finally the snake decided it'd had enough, and bit down firmly on Johnny's hand.

YOWCH!

Fruits reacted quickly and sent a mental shock to the snake's head, overloading its inferior mind and paralyzing it so it wouldn't put up any more of a fight.

~Well, J.J.?  You got your bite.  Are we done here?~

Johnny was shaking with anticipation.  "Stand back, Fruits!  I think I feel the venom worki... i..."

And it began.  The jackal lost control of his lungs entirely, and air rushed in.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Fruits had never seen her companion inhale so deeply in her life.  She quickly jinxed back, beating her wings once or twice, and clung to a tree branch so the suction wouldn't catch her.

~How are you doing, J.J.?~

This is fantastic!  It's like being on drugs!

Johnny couldn't stop, nor did he want to.  His belly expanded more and more from all the air filling it.  He clung to the snake's tree limb as well as he could so he wouldn't fall backwards.

Fruits carefully navigated her way around the foliage to get a better view of her companion's Kirby impression.  By then the jackal's belly was at least a yard and a half in diameter, and his lungs showed no signs of calling it quits; in fact, the suction appeared to be increasing by the second.

Hey, Fruits, how long is this supposed to last?

~I think the book said thirty to sixty seconds for a typical bite... but I think it's been longer than that already.~

The bat managed to get the book out of her pocket and flip to the appropriate page without losing her grip.  It said just what she thought it'd said.

~Yep.  Just as I thought.  So then why... uh-oh.~

Suddenly realizing something, Fruits looked up at Johnny again.  She shifted to get a view of where the snake had bitten him.  Lo and behold, she'd knocked it out before it had removed its jaws from his hand... which meant its venom was free to flow.  The jackal had gotten way more than a typical bite's dosage already.

What is it, Fruits?

~The snake's jaw is stuck in your hand.  You're getting heavily overdosed!~

By that point the air was beginning to equalize through Johnny's body.  He tried to reach for the snake with his unbitten hand, but in his bloated state it was an exercise in futility.

While he was struggling, the guidebook slipped out of Fruits's hands, got caught by the suction, and disappeared into Johnny's mouth.

Fruits, I can't reach it!  Do something!

The bat carefully navigated her way close to the jackal, getting a firm perch on the tree.  She carefully reached for the snake and managed to jam one dewclaw under its upper jaw.  Feeling the scratch, Johnny turned his head towards his companion to see how she was doing.

Not smart.

Before either of them could realize what was going on, Fruits lost her perch and began to slip into the vortex feet-first.  She clung tightly, but her strength didn't last her long, and her grip slipped seconds later.

The next thing Fruits knew, she was in total darkness.  She wasn't sure where she was, but she could feel a massive air pressure holding her against a large, rubbery floor.

Fruits! Johnny's thoughts crackled through the telepathic airwaves.  Are you okay?

~J.J., what happened?  Where am I?  One minute I'm trying to get that snake off your hand, and the next...~

Then the bat noticed she was lying on something rectangular.  She felt it with her hands; it was precisely the same shape and size as the field guide from before.  Which meant...

~Oh my God... J.J., I think you swallowed me!~

Yeah, you slipped right down the hatch.  I can feel you inside me.  And it doesn't look like you managed to get the snake off.  What do we do now?

~How should I know?  I'm in no better a position than you are.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here...~

Fruits?

~I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.~

Great.  Of all the times for Fruits's claustrophobia to kick in.  She had slipped into a fetal position, her body hidden in her wings and the same phrase repeating over and over in her head.  To her it felt like the walls were closing in on her, even though the reality was the exact opposite.

~I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be here.  I don't...~

BANG!

~...want to be here.  I don't want to... be... here?~

Fruits didn't immediately register exactly what that noise was, but she did notice that all of a sudden the air pressure had dropped.  Slowly she pulled her wings back and opened her eyes.

Daylight.

She was in the jungle again.  The bat stood up fully and breathed in and out, enjoying the fresh air and bright light.  Then she noticed the multitude of scraps of something scattered all around her.

Johnny Jackal had burst.

...Oh yeah.  I suppose this was coming.

Already the pieces of Johnny were beginning to reassemble themselves in front of her.  Fruits stepped to the side and let the piece she'd been sitting on join the others, then made a quick circle around the area to free a few pieces that'd gotten caught in the branches so they could fly home as well.

Not five minutes later, the jackal was whole again.  He breathed in and out a few times as he rose to his feet, getting used to having his lung control back.  (The explosion had dislodged the snake, and the venom's effects had faded during his time in pieces.)

~J.J.!~

Fruits rushed to her companion's side, and the two of them hugged.

"Hey, Fruits!  Good to see you got out of this in one piece."

~Look who's talking.  How was your first bite from an inflator snake?~

"Amazing.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat, and hopefully I won't gulp you next time.  You think we can take one of those snakes home and keep it as a pet?"

The bat shook her head.  ~There's no way any sane bureau of animal control would let us get away with that.~