The sun shines bright and hot
not a cloud in the sky on this beautiful summer day
and I lie, sweating, motionless...asleep
through the hottest part of the day and into dusk
'til the sun is nearly set, before I come alive again

As night closes in, I find myself rising once more
to indulge in the meager hours in which I may find myself
in the absence of the expected solitude
of a life enveloped by the darkness

Days are spent amongst the realm of dreams
because at night...that is when the demons stir

Late into the night, I often lie in bed
even now, when all hope of sleep in these times has been lost
I lie awake to stare at the swirl-patterned ceiling
knowing that the demons will never let me truly rest
on this or any other night

It is because of the utter solitude
found in these moments that they can feed
undisturbed as the feast on my sanity kicks into full swing
dragging me deeper into the trenches
filling my head with thoughts which can not be denied
when there is only I, and no one to contest

They say that the truth will set you free
but is there a lie when no one knows that there is a truth?

If I asked, I'd be told there is, for certain
by a nosey woman who needs to know everything
about absolutely everyone
especially when it's none of her business

If I asked her any other question, though
I can say, for certain, the words that followed
would be lies

It is a family built on the concept of lies
and discovering those of others
built on the assumption that there is always
more than what is willingly presented
built on the perceived need to always hide
everything, whether it's important or not

If the answer is 'yes', then it must be 'no'
it is the instilled logic of truth
after twenty-one years, I can not be fooled

If no one knows there is a truth, there isn't one
and there is nothing to set me free
only more locks to put on my cell
more years to add to my sentence

And yet, still, I lie awake at night
contemplating the truths which do not, yet, exist
rolling around the lies in my mind
and trying to uncover the secrets behind them

All night...every night...