The Sacrament of Reconciliation
By: J. Hartman




	A hooded figure enters the Cathedral through the large open doors of an early January morning, 2004.  A weekday, very little amount of people are roaming its mass hall.  But the small amount of those who where there, did their best not to store at the dark hooded person walking into through the hall.  All they can tell is the person got a big, black over coat covering the person.  People could not help but stare at the persons back, the unnaturally large tummy, and the oddly loose black gloves worn on the person's hands.  The black khakis with black high heel boots, thumping the floor boards as the person walked.  Some eventually stopped what they where doing and stared curiously as the person started to slow down, looking left and right.  The crowd quickly turned away, except for a small few who continued to stare.  The hood over the person's face kept the crowd from getting a good look at the face.  Though what they did see where glowing, hazel eyes.  Before the crowd could react, the hooded figure found what it was looking for, and headed straight towards it.

	Father Pearson sits in his seat, the tiny room lowly lit.  Giving the room a comfortable atmosphere.  He sits patiently with his eyes closed, thinking about a million things he would love to do right now than just sit and wait for a fellow Catholic to wonder into the room next to him.  He have heard a lot of things through the years, some quite disturbing to him.  Though he gets more upset when people come in, admit their sins, then despite his suggestions on how to take steps to stop the sins and to be a good Catholic.  They are usually back in a week, with the same confessions.  Granted, he realizes they are only human as much as he is human.  But sometimes there's only so much a person can change.  Though he does get great joy when those few souls who come into his booth, admitting to less, and less sins.  Sometimes he feels they don't tell him the same ones, in fear of being looked upon as a bad person.  Though he does find it satisfying enough, since if the person has shame in admitting the same sin more than once, then the person have shame that, hopefully, the Lord will put them at ease someday.  He can only bring them comfort, forgive them for their sins, and do his best not to judge, but to help on improvement.

	Father Pearson wakes up as he hears the door bell ring, indicating the door in the booth next to him have opened and some one have entered.  Once the door have shut, he waited for the stranger to take a seat.  A feminine voice groans as a couple of shuffling continues, then a slight shake as the stranger sits.  Once it was all done, silence for a bit.  A bit too long actually.  Eventually, he hears the stranger in the other booth take a deep breath, then speaks, “Uh.....I....never done this......”  The room goes silent once more, Pearson can tell that this woman was terrified.  He goes ahead and speaks up, “It is okay, Miss.  I will not judge you, when you are ready to speak, please open the sliding door on your side.”  The room goes silent a little, almost a minute.  Then the sliding door slowly slides open.  Though it stops half way, the woman in the other booth says, “I...I don't want to be seen.”  Father Pearson raises an eyebrow as he looks at the decorative screen, the door on the other side partially opened.  Not even half way, he can barely see who is in the other booth.  Though a musky scent does emit a little into his room.  Something, he can't put his finger on it.  It's too light to be a major issue to him, but he could swear that it smells like a skunk.  He shakes the thought out of his head, as he had people with worst hygiene in the past come in for confession.  He assumes that maybe the poor woman got sprayed on a day or two ago, and is slowly losing the scent.  That, and he also does smell a decent dose of perfume, so she is at least trying to mask the scent.  Pearson nods, knowing she can not see him, “Okay my child.  If that will make you comfortable, then that will do.”  “Thank you,” answers the woman in the other booth.

	“I never been to confession before.....uh....is it Father,” the woman asked.  Pearson answers, “Yes, you may call me Mike.  Mind if I ask for a name to call you by?”  He knows he is pushing a lot, considering she does sound uneasy and scared.  But it would help him, and hopefully her, if they both go by names that they are comfortable with.  The woman answers back quietly, “Lisa.”  Father Pearson smiles as he speaks softly, “Lisa, is this your first time ever in our Church?”  “This is the first time I ever been in any church......uh....Mike,” Lisa answers back, sounding a little scared.  “Don't be afraid Lisa.  It is never to late to be saved by our creator,” Mike answers softly, meaning every word he said.  “I....I....I..w...want..,” she takes a deep breath, then starts over, “I want to believe that there is a God.”  Mike looks a bit shocked, though does his best to hide his reaction, since the soul in the other booth is curious, no reason to react harshly.  He takes a minute to recollect his thoughts, then asks, “Never been brought up with the word of God, Lisa?”  Silence once again fills the room.  Almost a minute pass till Lisa gains her strength and answers, “I been taught, in school, by friends, even those close to my parents while I was growing up.”  Mike's turn to be silent, he is very curious about this school.  After taking a moment to figure out how to ask his next question, he breaks the silence, “What type of school is this, Lisa?”  Lisa answers shyly, “Oh....some....Catholic school....private.”  Mike's head start to spin a little as he is trying to figure out how this woman never experienced anything withing the Catholic church...while attending a private, Catholic school.  Before he can ask, Lisa speaks up, getting a slight bit confident, “I....guess you can say I never fit in.  Mother and Father was never part of the Catholic faith, so they requested to keep me out of the ceremonies unless I, myself, felt comfortable to join in.”  She then mumbled under her breath, “....if I ever was allowed too.....”  “Pardon me,” Mike asks.  Lisa sighs, sounding a little cautious once more, “Nothing Mike.”   “So...I never heard of a school letting you off like that,” states Mike.  He then shrugs, thinking to himself that her parents probably had a decent amount of money to pay the school, so they probably let her parents request slide.  Amazing what institutions would do for money.  He shakes his head as he keeps his voice calm and soothing, for her sake, “I am sorry Lisa, maybe we are getting off the wrong foot.  After all, I am here to comfort, and to let you repent your sins in the Lords home.  So what ever weighs over your heart, it may be lifted by the time you leave here today.”

	Lisa sighs, then speaks up, “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned....”  Mike does his best not to sigh, for he has heard that line so many times.  Even if this woman never been in a confession booth before, the line still seems false and over done to him.  But he lets her go, for what ever she may have to say, would most likely going to catch him off guard.  Lisa continues to speak, “...I have done so many things morally wrong since I was in my early teens, and up to now.  I have disappointed my parents.  I brought shame upon them to the point they felt that they had to disown me for year.  Only to bring me back into their homes many years later, as they got old, weak, and they needed their one and only child, me, to care for them.  I love them dearly, but I doubt I'll ever cleans myself of my shame.  Not fast enough for them to notice before they pass away.”  She starts to sob a little, “I never asked to be what I am today, never asked to be who I am since I was born.  And I never meant to cause my parents grief.”  Mike sits there, wanting to say something comforting at the same time ask her some questions.  But she continues to talk, she was on a roll.  And considering how uneasy she was earlier, he wants her to keep it up while she still have the nerve to.

	“I....was....enamored in my last year in upper school.  By some boy outside of my species.”  Mike eyes grew wide, but he kept his mouth shut.  Rarely does he get these confessions.  But no matter how much the confessor regrets what they did, it still makes him feel ill just thinking about it.  “I was a cheerleader.  Not to mention I loved to flirt with the guys.”  Lisa chuckles quietly as she recalls her past, “I used to turn heads, no matter who or what they where.”  Her voice slowly goes back to her low cautious voice, “But I kept true to myself.  I never gone past my usual teasing.  Even if there where times when I was so tempted to take up some of the boys naughty offers.  I kept myself pure.  But this one boy.  This one, young, just got into upper school, some how won my heart.  And he never even tried.  I don't think he even took offense to who I was.  We where in the same Biology class.” She chuckles once more, “I had to repeat that class.....hence why I was in the same Biology class.”  Lisa then gets serious again, “I never tried to do anything to him.  Mainly cause I noticed he was not interested in me.  Which was good, since we where different species.  But at the same time, there males out side of my species who fought for my attention in private.  But I never realized how much of a good person he was till we got assigned together to work on a project.  Since then, we became fast friends.”  She starts to sound dreamy as Mike gets curious to the story.  Something different than he was used to when it came to these types of confessions.  “We hanged out together, we helped each other on our assignments in that class.  And I did my best to help him with Algebra.  Since it was probably the only subject I did decent in, and he was in a lower class.  So it was easy for me to at least give him heads up.  Eventually, I started to get really nasty thoughts about him.  Sinful thoughts, lusting for his body.  It really disturbed me.  Me being in a Catholic school did not make it any easy for me to just let the thought go.”  She starts to sound uneasy.  “I mean, I did my best not to do anything remotely wrong to him, I did not want to lose him as a friend.”  Her voice starts to sound really hurt and sad, “My only friend.  I did not want to chase him away.”

	“One day, one day, I...” she sounds uneasy once more, “I....almost committed the sin of lust.  We where just laying out on top of a couple picnic tables in the park on a weekend.  I guess you could say we where dangerously close to each other.  Of course, pure friends don't think that....right?  Well, I know his mind was pure.  But mine was not.  We where talking about what we would like to do in life.  I was amazed with his plans of becoming a Doctor.  Though I told him I felt I could never be anything cause.....cause....well, just because..I...uh...had low self esteem.”  She then talks quietly, ashamed, “He cheers me up and tells me I can do anything.  And if he can help it, he'll do what ever he can to help.  My hear leaped when I heard that.  I could not believe he felt I can do anything.  And he wanted to be there for me.  Without thinking I rolled on my side and placed my arm over his chest.  He gives me this curious look, yet still had that smile on his face.  I smiled and stared in his eyes for a long time.  I....I thought he also wanted me.  So just when I leaned closer to give his lips a kiss....which would be weird due to our lips.  He turns his face away and chuckle, oblivious to what I almost did, saying its time for us to start walking home.”

	Mike sat there in silence for a bit as Lisa goes silent.  Eventually Mike asks, “So...”  Lisa than whimpers, “So I started skipping classes and tried to avoid him.  I was too scared to see him again.  I was afraid that either I'll slip up and he'll hate me.  Or he'll find out on his own and hate me.  I......failed my last year cause of my stupid fear of his perception of me.”  Mike was a bit confused.  Yes, was lusting, which was a sin.  Yes, she was lusting some one out of her species.  He was afraid to ask what species was the male.  Considering Morphs was created by Man many years ago, the Catholic church was many that considered the sentient beings devils and soulless beast.  Though Mike always questioned that in private.  Growing up with some Morphs in his neighborhood.  Let alone he works with a lot of them outside of the Church.  He sometimes wonder what they think about, do they worry like they do.  Do they long for answers that can't be answered.  Do they......feel empty inside.  Longing, desires.

	“So you committed a couple of sins, which ultimately ruined your childhood education?”  Lisa sighs and sobs, “That's not all.”  Mike honestly thought this was over, he was not expecting to hear more, “Pardon me?”  Lisa continues her story once more, “My parents where extremely angry at me.  I never told them why I felt I had to hide away from school.  But I was going on to 21, I was no longer allowed to continue my education for one more year.  I was done for.  So I was forced to get a job.  So the job I took was a job I found myself very easily accepted in.  I worked as a stripper down in the Vancouver area.”  Mike once again looks very shocked as she continues, “I tried not to let it bother me.  After all, I was paid nicely, and I got a job teasing boys.  Which was something I enjoyed while growing up.  But it started to lose its thrill when I no longer had any sort of garment to hit a hint of my body for a tease.  And my parents threaten to disown me if I don't get out of there ASAP.  I thought maybe if I used the money to finish my education, get a GED, I'll convince them that I can use the job to work my way into a better, respectable job in the future.   Sadly, the plan did not work.  The day I got my GED, was the day they decided to kick me out.  They did not cared I got the GED, so I gave up doing anything more than that.  Sad too, I had signed up for a college to start learning Drafting and Architectural design.  Be an engineer.”

	Father Pearson sits there in his booth, confused on where to start or begin.  Lisa continues, “For many years I worked as a stripper, then eventually just a regular waitress in the same bar.  Even though I no longer flash my body for a living, I still give the occasional flash to some customers that I deemed worthy.  Though....I keep getting this feeling that its wrong.  That there is more to life.  Something was missing, and no matter how I started to live with my parents again after many years later.  Even last month I got to see my old friend from upper school.  I still feel the same.  Empty, dirty, sinful, nothing a loser.  And to top it off, a dirt rag for everybody to wipe their dirt on.”

	Mike clears his throat, realizing she finally finished, “Well.....you mentioned your parents are still mad at you, yes?”  Lisa answers back with, “Yes Mike.”  “Loving parents only want the best for their child.  And when the child goes into the direction where they feel is totally wrong on many accounts.  They'll do their best to either divert you on the right path.  Or leave you to figure it out on your own.”  Lisa starts to cry, “I did not want to go down that way, I just messed up big time....I did not know how to get out of it......”  Mike soothingly speaks to her, “Shh, don't cry Lisa, they still love you.  Even if they are still upset after all these years.  They still worry about you.  And they may seem like they are using you as their care taker.  They are probably deep down, wanting to use this opportunity to spend their last years with their child before they pass away.”  Lisa takes a deep breath, then exhales.  She then sniffs, “You really think so?”  Even though Lisa can't see Mike, he smiles, “Yes, I am sure.  But I am curious, how about your old friend?  The only you ran away from?”  Lisa chuckles a little, “I find out that not only he reached his goals to being a doctor.  But last I heard, he was dancing around some lucky female to have caught his attention.  I am so jealous, but I am not going to get in their way.  I been out of his life for years.  We may have changed a lot more than we realized since then.  But if I knew he was so open minded to even consider that female to be some one he wants to share his life with forever.  I wish I never ran away to begin with.  But he was so glad to see me.  He even invited me to his parents Christmas dinner.  I felt so out of place, yet I did my best to get over the thrill and get rid of the urge to cry.  I was so happy, I felt like I was the most special female ever to live.  He remembered me.  He still considers me his friend.”  Mike once again gets confused as to how to react to what was just relayed to him.   Eventually he decides to not press the issues he's got since the obvious out come is what he believe is right.

	“Lisa, people have done a lot more sinful things in their lives.  So much horrible things that they should not even be allowed to walk away from here as a free Man or Woman.  But from the sounds of things, you just had a lot of miss understandings, and poor choices.  Either way, God forgive those who see the errors in their ways.  If you keep trying to better yourself, and get out of that job and into a better, respectable job.  Maybe you would feel like a whole new woman.”  Mike then sighs as he feels he needs to say this, even if its outside of his boundaries to do so, “God will always watch over his children.  Just make the decisions that you know, that you feel deep down, is right.  And you'll get farther in life.  Trust me, don't do it for me, don't do it for your parents.  Don't do it for anyone, but yourself.  Its okay to ask for advice.  Its okay to go to a shoulder to cry.  And its okay to ask for guidance.  But when you are sure what to do next, and you know deep down that what ever you want to do is right.  Then do it.  Just remember to make sure it don't hurt you or any body else.”  Lisa starts to sound a little cheerful as she talks, “Thank you Mike.  That's the best thing I ever heard anyone say to me.”  She then chuckles quietly under her breath, “Oh, you remind me of Jason.  He used to tell me that a long time ago.”  Mike chuckles himself, “Jason, eh?”  Is that the name of your friend?”  Lisa answers back in a cheerful tone, “Yes.  He is such a good man.  I so wish I was a woman.  I am sure he would have made a wonderful husband...”

	Mike starts to get very curious, since the whole time he been thinking of her as a human, and her friend, Jason, as a random morph.  Now he is getting a feeling that he is not talking to a human at all.  He have noticed the voice was shaky, a bit unstable.  But he figured the woman was just scared out of her wits.  And she probably was.  But currently she sounds confident, yet the voice is still a little shaken.  He decides to play it cool and see how far she'll go before she loses her composure.  Lisa sighs as she then sounds sad again, “Which brings me to where we started.  You have not seen me, yet after we talked, you feel I am a lost soul who is looking for guidance.”  Mike nods, “Yeah, one of God's lost children.  But at least you knew you where lost, and found your way here.”  Lisa sighs, “Yes, but....well....”

	Mike jumps back as he is surprised to see the side door fully open.  Where he sits he could just look straight at the door and not look inside.  But instead, could not help but look straight at a black furred face with her lower chin colored white that goes under her muzzle and into her turtle neck shirt  She have long black hair.  Her hazel eyes looking at him with a longing in them.  The area under her eyes are matted with tears as she looks at him.  He always wondered if morphs ever longed for the truth.  Long for acceptance.  Ever cared for anyone more than what's physical.  He finally met a Morph who unintentionally answered his questions.  Lisa then sits down, looking down, “Sorry, I probably should have never come.  I mean, I am the devils work anyways.  And I'll probably damn this place if I am caught walking amongst the other “children of God”.  She starts to tear up as she starts to head to the door, “I just want to be like you.  Why am I cursed to be like this?”  She turns to face Mike again, “I have feelings too.  I don't like whoring myself to make a buck.  I don't like being blamed for all the worlds problems, just because some one created my ancestors long before I was born.”  She then puts both of her hands on the decorative screen, still wearing her black gloves.  She grips it, “I talk to God every day.  I pray to him.  I believe he loves me.  He loves everyone.  He must love us.  He's got to.”  She starts to cry, “For crying out loud Mike, if he did not, why did he let us live?  Why did he let Man create us?  Does he have a sick sense of humor?  Does he like to watch living things suffer?  Did he just allow Man to create us so you could kick us around?  To forget your problems and toss on our shoulders?  Blame us for taking up food while no one turns around and gives the hungry something to eat?”

	Father Pearson puts both hands up like he's trying to signal a car to stop.  He gasps, trying not to yell, yet get his point across, “Shh, that's enough Lisa.”  Lisa sniffs as she stops.  She just stares at him, looking too terrified to move, yet her truly feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and the stinging pain of being signaled out as a freak are truly shown in her features.  He looks her over, finally getting a clue that she is definitely a skunk.  Talking to her soothingly once more, “I am so sorry Lisa, I can not speak for my fellow Men and Women of my kind.  Nor can I speak for my institution for the way they teach all of us about the so called evils of technology.  Let alone how sinful and soulless the Morphs can be.”  Lisa speaks up, almost shrilling, “We are not soulless beings.  I have a heart, I have the ability to think what is right, and what is wrong.  And to question the decision I and/or anyone else makes.”  Mike once again soothingly talks to her, trying to calm her down, “I understand Lisa, I am just stating what we all know about how this Church feels about things around us.  Including....sentients.”  He had to think about that last part.  He does have an open mind, and tries to use it.  But its hard with the position he takes everyday, every night.  “Please, remain calm.”

	Lisa sits back down, grabbing some tissues out of her pockets and starts to wipe her eyes clean.  Mike sits back down and thinks for a bit, making the room quiet once more.  The two remain uncomfortably quiet.  Both afraid to say anything else, or to move either.  None of them thought they'll be face to face like this, ever.  Especially Lisa, she just wanted to come in, to see what it is like. To maybe help with the healing inside of her.  To be accepted into something that she was always watching from the side lines.  But never was welcomed to join in.  Had to follow their rules, their culture, their dress codes.  But not once welcomed at all, and even treated sub par to everyone else.  She just wanted to talk without being seen.  To see if she, if not known of her true identity, would she be forgiven, and treated as any other person.  So far it was proven.  But instead of just accepting it and leaving the same way she came in.  She wanted more.  She wanted to be accepted as who she really is, at face value.  And now here she is, regretting that.  Knowing any moment she would get dragged out onto the street.  Maybe worst.

	“Lisa, maybe what you need is not just acceptance from God.  But acceptance of who you are,” Mike says finally.  He notices the her face turning into anger, but he keeps talking, “And what I mean is, you need to be proud of who you are before you can expect people to start accepting you as who you are.  Its easy for me to say, but its not easy to change the worlds point of view.  The best way to do it is to improve yourself.  Make yourself into something you can be proud of.  Someone that others around you can be proud of.  Everyone will always give others problems.  Humans give different races of humans problems.  I am sure your species of skunks give other breeds of skunks problems.  No one is immune to prejudice.”  Lisa facial figures lighten when Mike finished his speech.  She sat there, thinking for a bit.  Mike thinks for a bit too, going quiet.  He is not sure on what to do.  He would love to know more about her.  Matter of fact, he can see it now, it would be a fair trade.  I could teach her a lot of being a Catholic, maybe even being human.  If she is willing to give him a chance to learn about her.  Of course, that would get him into a lot of trouble, if his intentions are misunderstood.

	“It is getting late Lisa, would you like to meet up sometime later on in the week?  Maybe at a Tim Horton's?”  Lisa could not help but smile as she starts to look at him, “You, a Priest, is willing to hang out with me?  A devils animal, who happens to be a stripper.  To a public place for coffee?”  Mike shrugs as he apparently looks uneasy, but he truly meant the offer, “Sure, why not?  Granted, I may get ridiculed and even lose my good stature.  But you and I have a lot to learn from each other.”  She looks at him, confused as she sat there.  Mike says, “I'll help you as best as I can with your problems.  As long as your patient enough to help me learn about you.  And maybe find a way we both can coexist.  If not with the whole world.  At least between you and me.”  Lisa slowly starts to smile as she could not believe what is happening right now.  Father Pearson just smiles as he gets up and opens his door to his side of the booth.  He then says to her, “Come, as you are.  We'll start with you walking with me in the halls.  As who you really are.  I'll walk with you in this big step.”