Revenge
A gift fic for Zeetheinflator
By Tsunami Wyldfluer

	What a horrible night to have housemates, Alex thought, trying to get as much of the water out of his gray fur as possible, glaring at the empty bucket that had been suspended on the top of his bedroom door. Why I picked tonight to sleep in my bed, instead of sleeping in the library like I usually do, I don't know, any more than I know how they managed to get ice water up here. Freaking cold. Probably should take a hot shower, but that won't help, and probably would just make it worse, he thought, grimancing as he remembered the last time he took a hot shower. He was shivering for hours, despite the fact it was eighty degrees out! 

 	He sighed, rubbing his temples. He was stressing himself out, and since he was going to the market tomorrow, he needed to go to sleep. Now. And that was just stressing him out more. He groaned, realizing that he probably wasn't going to get any sleep for at least a few hours. Some Cake, I think, that usually calms me down, especially Cool Blue Reason. Turning on his computer, he opened the music player and dragged the folder named Cake into it, turning the volume down to the reasonable level of twenty five.

	He screeched as Nine Inch Nails poured through the speakers, and heard the vague sounds of laughter coming from outside. Turning it off quickly, Alex opened his music folder and clicked on the Nine Inch Nails folder within, seeing titles of albums from Red Hot Chili Peppers. The gray cat groaned, before shutting off his desktop. He would have work to do in the morning, and a hard time getting to sleep.

* * *

	Three in the morning, and Alex had more or less given up on sleep. Walking to the library, the gray cat plucked up a book from a nearby pile and dozed off instantly, curling on the comfortable reading chair around his book.

 	The sun woke him early, and the beleagured cat moved out of the library, walking down to the kitchen to compile a list of things he'd need in the coming month. Grabbing a pencil and a small tablet, the naked feline stalked to the pantry, where he was treated to a very shocking discovery. It was empty. Completely and totally empty. The gray cat groaned, swiftly realizing how much he would have to buy and walk back to his house. It could be worse. It could be infinitely worse. I could be out of shape, or it could rain, or be fat, or something. Shaking his head to get that thought out of his mind, the gray feline trudged to his room, pulling on his semi-traditional look of parachute pants and a plain tee-shirt. Grabbing his wallet, he flipped it open to make sure it still had money in it.

 	Walking through to the front hall, he paused for a second, before grabbing his check book as well. I'm going to spend too much money today... much too much. Shaking his head, he walked out into the early morning air, the streets already filled with people walking out of their houses in the hopes of getting the best produce at the market.

* * *

 	It's getting to that point again, too many people know about me, and too many people like being inflated. I need to find someone who looks like they'd hate it more than anything, the black wolf said to himself, wandering amongst the growing crowd, carefull not to touch anyone. How easy would it be, to just reach out and inflate someone, in a crowd such as this, and escape quickly? But that's not what I want, Zee thought ruefully to himself. I want someone who hasn't ever been inflated before, someone who probably wouldn't like the experience. Someone new. His sharp yellow eyes skimmed through the crowd, before settling on one short, emaciated gray cat haggling over the price of what looked like a bunch of cucumbers. Perfect, he grinned to himself, before making his way over there.

* * *

	"Twenty dollars," Alex said to the badger, narrowing his eyes.

	"Are you insane? Twenty five, and not a cent lower," replied the vender, a hard glint in his eyes.

	"For twenty five dollars I can get more at the super market. Fifteen."

	"But you offered twenty!"

	"And that was before you annoyed me."

 	So that's the way you're going to play, is it? the badger thought, his eyes glinting in anticipation of the challenge. "Twenty two."

	"And you throw in a bag of horse carrots."

	"What? No. Twenty two for the cucumbers."

	Smiling, Alex pulled out his wallet and handed the badger two bills, grabbing his cucumbers and going. The badger unfolded the two, and saw a twenty and a five, smiling slightly, before hearing the cat cry out, startled.

	"Are you alright?" the black wolf, who must have run into the feline, asked, worried.

 	Alex smiled slightly, a cold, hard smile that had no enjoyment in it. I know exactly who you are, it said, and I know exactly what this means. And I'm not playing your game. "Yes, yes, I'm alright, but thank you," he said, looking up from the ground. "I'm sorry, I must not have been paying attention." The black wolf reached a paw out to the feline, who took it and used it to pull himself up. 

 	The wolf returned his smile with a look of his own. You're certainly welcome to try. "Please, if there's anything I can do to help-"

	"No, but thanks anyway. I actually need to go home soon anyway," Alex said, keeping up his polite mask.

	"If you're sure," the wolf said, seemingly disappointed.

	"I am, have a good day," Alex said, before muttering under his breath, just low enough for the wolf to hear, "Zee."

	The wolf's eyes widened in astonishment, but the look was gone in an instant, and he smiled., before waving and walking off. As he left, Alex hunched over, clutching at his stomach.

	"What's wrong, Alex?" the vendor asked, worried.

	"Nothing, nothing at all," the cat responded through gritted teeth. "Do you happen to have any gum?"

	"Yes, a few packs. Why?"

	"How much?"

	"Uh... two dollars sound good?"

	"For all of them? Here," the cat said, passing the two dollars in return for a couple packs of gum, one of which he quickly opened and shoved a piece through, which he chewed quickly. A look of relief spread across his face, and the feline went off, continuing to shop.

* * *

	Zee, having gone straight to his own home, turned on the news, curious to see what had occured to the gray cat. "-lier today, an accident occured in the midst of the market, as a black wolf collided with a gray cat. At first, it was believed that this was an act purpotrated by the infamous wolf known only as Zee the Inflator, but when the cat continued his shopping without so much as increasing an inch, it was attributed to nothing more than an accident."

	"What?!" Zee cried out. "No giant cat eating the market place?! Nothing?! How is that possible?!"

 	"In other news-" Disgusted, Zee turned off the television, sitting back to brood on what to do next. I will inflate that cat. At the very least, I will get him to a more appropriate weight. Or my name isn't Zee.

* * *

	The furious feline stormed into the house, carefully placing his fragile produce on the floor in the kitchen, before grabbing his fabric and storming up to his sewing room. Slaming the door, he sat down, and got to work, making a suit that would fit his form precisely. 

 	A few hours and a pack of gum later, the suit was complete, the gray, elastic fabric chosen with great care. The color only imperceptible varried from his own fur, and the elastic fabric should hold with what he was planning to do. And now for the hard part, he thought to himself, grimancing, as he began to sew small helium capsles into the suit itself.

* * *

	The next day, Alex put on the suit he had made the night before, grabbed a pack of gum, and got dressed, sticking the gum in the front pants pocket. He smiled as he realized how today was going to go, and started chewing on a piece of gum when hunger struck. 

	Checking to make sure he had the address right, Alex verified his plans for the day, waiting until eight to go to Zee's home. 

	Fifty mind-numbing minutes later, the clock struck eight, and Alex walked briskly out the door, moving in the direction of downtown to meet Zee.

* * *

	The bored wolf looked up from his book when he heard the doorbell ring. Looking up to see the time – nine o'clock – he wondered vaguely who it could possible be before getting up and answering. Pulling the door open, he looked at the gray feline standing in the doorway. "YOU!"

	"You know, Zee, for a guy that doesn't exist, you really aren't that difficult to find. You'd only need to be competent enough to think – which is, of course, why the police haven't captured you before, isn't it? That, and your legion of admiers. My name is Alex, incidentally, may I come in?"

	The dumbstruck wolf moved out of the doorway, an invitation to the cat, who simply smiled. "I'll follow you," he said, to which the wolf responded by shrugging and moving into the hallway. Alex followed, and Zee walked into the living room.

	The wolf sighed, moving his furniture back would be a pain, but he was willing to accept it. Whirling around, he increased the cat's metabolism, causing him to balloon outward slowly. A slight frown of concentration crossed the wolf's face, and the inflation of the cat increased, his arms and legs slowly becomming larger and larger, his shit and pants ripping apart at the seams, falling to the floor in two neat pieces. A look of horror was etched onto the feline's face, but Zee wasn't done yet.

	The cat's fingers grew into sasages, his legs became massive, and slowly the cat expanded until he took up most of the room, from floor to ceiling. At that point, the cat's body touched the sharp metal of the sprinkler system, and with a loud pop, exploded.

	As Zee looked in horror, the gray feline that he had just been inflating coughed, before walking up to his pants. Standing naked, Alex crouched down to pick up the material of his pants and shirt, before looking around. "You know, it took me all night to get that, Zee."

	"Bu- but how?"

	"Simple. You made three mistakes. One, you picked a guy who doesn't eat much in the first place in the middle of a massive amount of food, and made him hungry. Two, you failed to realize that that person has learned to ignore hunger very, very well." Fishing around his pocket for the pack of gum, he picked out another piece, chewing it. "Gum, the ultimate appitite suppressant," he said around the gum, "Three, I was already pissed at pranksters. I'll admit, I respect you, you just caught me on a bad day."

	"That still doesn't explain the fact that you didn't get fat!"

	"Off of what? Gods, I didn't eat anything real yesterday, and even with your metabolism increase, gum still has no real calories."

	"But I saw you get bigger!"

	The cat sighed, before picking up a piece of the exploded suit. Turning it around so it's outside faced the cat, he showed Zee the helium capsule. "I inflated it myself. With helium. Which would be the reason I was coughing when it popped, actually. It has a nasty taste to it."

	"What taste?! Helium has no taste, it barely has a smell!"

	"Yes, well, I can't smell anything. And it tastes funny." Out of the blue, Alex turned to look at Zee. "So, did I get you?"

	"Wait, what?"

	"Well, it was supposed to be a prank. I think it worked. You did seem shocked when it exploded. Although, frankly, so was I. Anyway. Did I get you?"

	"...Yes," the prankster sighed.

	"Alright then. You want something to eat? I'm hungry, and I'm a bit sick of gum."

	"What do you want?"

	"I'm in the mood for Japanese, actually, but I asked if you were hungry. So. Are you hungry?"

	"Well, I haven't had breakfast yet so-"

	"Alright, it's settled. I'll go cook," the cat said abruptly, walking into Zee's kitchen and grabbing ingredients from the backpack Zee hadn't noticed before. Humming to himself, the cat began to cook, prepping a plate of sushi, some tofu, grilled shrimp, rice, and miso soup.Once it was done, Alex set out the food, plucking the sushi out of the wolf's reach. "My sushi," he declared, before popping one into his mouth with a pair of chopsticks. A noticeable couple of pounds added itself to his frame, and Zee smiled. "Well," the feline said, "are you eating or not?" Slowly, Alex ate the rest of the sushi, while Zee consumed his portion of the meal. At the end of the meal, Alex stood up from the table, now at roughly one hundred pounds.

	"At least your bones aren't showing," Zee said, smiling.

	"Perhaps we can do this again sometime. Hopefully without you trying to fatten me up. Have a good day, Zee. Until we meet again," Alex called, as he picked up he backpack and walked out the front door.

 	"Until we meet again, Alex. Until we meet again," Zee said, smiling to himself. A challenge at last in this city... a challenge at last.