The first things that Rekk noticed as she slowly woke up was that she was in her underclothes, and being straddled by her long-time partner, Milly. Neither of these facts were terribly surprising on their own, the large Kobold woman tended to run hot, and her diminutive friend liked to sleep warm.

What WAS surprising, was that this clearly was not the inn the adventurers were staying at
After their most recent conquest; robbing the Lava Lord of his ill-gotten gains (it wasn’t difficult, they challenged him to a drinking contest, and a guy made of lava has a hard time drinking *anything* before it evaporates).

Also, the two of them were wearing some fairly ostentatious chokers, with a glowing gem in the center; really did not fit with their usual fashion sense at all.

Rekk poked her partner on the shoulder to wake her up a bit, “Hey, Mill… get up”
“No…”, the Halflings eyes opened a crack and then shut again “still dark. S’bedtime”
“It IS dark, yes, but that’s because I think we’re in a haunted castle or something.”

That sunk into the rogues mind a great deal faster, and she sat up quickly, eyes darting about in the gloom.

“What? How did we…? What?!? Why are we naked and wearing bowties? Did we have too much fun last night, or not enough fun last night?”

Rekk was used to this kind of reaction. Despite her reputation for being the brains to Rekks muscle (inaccurate, but the pair liked to play that up), Milly tended to over-react and panic to unusual situations.  

“Okay, first off, if we have bowties and underclothes on, so we aren’t technically naked. Just most of the way there. Second, like you, I imagine, the last thing I remember was us tricking a big lava guy with a drinking contest, and then actually drinking everything in front of us even though it was impossible for him to win.”

Milly slowed down a bit “Right, because it’s important to go method when you’re scamming someone”

“I feel like we can debate the requirement of that sometimes, but that’s what you kept insisting we do. Anyway, that happened, and now here we are in a weird castle foyer”

Milly got off her girlfriend's soft belly-fur and started wandering around the room they were in, there was something… unusual about it. It *looked* like a dilapidated castle, the kind generally full of deadly traps, ghouls and treasures, in other words, their preferred workplace environment, but that was just it. It didn’t appear to be truly lived in. Or abandoned, rather. It looked contrived, assembled. Someone's idea of what an abandoned monstrous trap-castle should be, rather than the reality.

“Are… we in a theme park haunted house?”

Suddenly a new voice rang out;

“No, but close enough. Good to see you’re finally awake”

Much like how the chamber conveyed the idea of a haunted castle without approaching reality; the newcomer would give anyone the immediate impression of “Yep, that’s a witch” without the tell-tale smell of thaumaturgy that usually surrounds them. They couldn’t tell if her skin was painted green, or that was her natural hue, but between that, the pointed hat, the cape and the scrying orb in front of her, everything screamed “witch”.

She was also wearing a t-shirt that said “Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my Newt-eyes” and a novelty coffee mug that said “Brew”, but those were less commonly associated with the profession. Depends on the coven, really.

“Who the hell are you?” asked the pair simultaneously, Rekk trying to internally decide if this witch was someone to designate a target, and Milly out of a combination of curiosity and panic at being confronted with a new person while really not being dressed for the occasion.

“Well, I’d apologize for being rude, but honestly, you two started it. My name is Seress, I am the owner of this Escape Room and you two are the… worst clients I’d ever had. But you also paid me with enough treasure that I could completely bankrupt this town if I tried to spend it all, so… here we are.” she waved her hand theatrically and sarcastically, at the same time “With the most difficult bespoke challenge dungeon I could make… in the time it would take the two of you to wake up.”

Rekk was confused, “What, do you mean… by any of that?”

“I assumed you wouldn’t remember, as you both looked and smelled like you’d drunk enough to drown a man made of lava, which is what I brought this little fella out for”, Seress put the orb she had been carrying on the floor and tapped it with her foot. A glow formed from within the crystal which condensed into a cloud, floating out of the glass and forming the unmistakable image of Rekk and Milly in midair, three sheets to the wind and hassling a less-exhausted looking Seress. The images spoke, with a slightly hollow sound;

In the recording, Rekk said “So… what we do is… we’re good at them. At… at adventures. We steal stuff and kill monsters.”
“We killed a Lava Man!” chimed in Milly on the recording, “We made him look… like he was going to win… but we tricked him”
Rekk put her arm around Seress’ shoulders and brought her in close, the witch clearly looked uncomfortable with this
“We didn’t though, but we drank his booze. And so we’re the best. And you’re good… at… you do good at this. This fake dungeons.”
“We’re the BEST THOUGH” yelled Milly off camera, somehow
“So because you’re good and we’re… we’re best… we’ll give you all our Lava guy treasure and we’ll beat your best dungeon”
“That’s… a lot of treasure for one dungeon run” said Seress on the recording
“Yeah… but that’s… but we’re the BEST '' replied Rekk, unsteady on her feet “So… if you win, you get to brag. And we’ll do it naked! Because… thass how much better we are at this''
“W’ell do it naked *but I keep my knife*” yelled Milly, staggering back in frame, already taking off her shirt.

The recording stopped;
“Everything after this was you two drunkenly taking off your clothes and making disparaging remarks about my mother.” said Seress bitterly

Rekk winced a bit “We need to get a third party member to keep us from getting into these situations”
“Oh this… does not reflect well on our professionalism. And why did I want a knife?” asked Milly. 

“Good question, didn’t ask any follow-ups at the time. Anyway, you signed a contract right afterward; I’d whip up my most difficult dungeon in the time it would take the two of you to sober up, and if you fail I get to use footage of two world-class adventurers failing my Escape Room Dungeon as advertising. And if you succeed… well, you didn’t specify any terms for that. I don’t get your likeness rights, I suppose. I talked you down from “Naked” to “Very Little” at least; not running the kind of establishment that can advertise the other way.”

Milly felt like she had everything she needed to hear; “Okay, well… if there’s no prize for winning and the only consequence is “Us looking embarrassed when we fail”, I think we’ll just leave.” She turned around and headed for the exit, “C’mon babe, let’s get some breakfast”

She didn’t even get halfway to the brightly marked EXIT sign.

The gem affixed to her choker started flashing an angry red light and a harsh mechanical voice bellowed “CHEATING DETECTED”, before Milly even had time to be startled, the gem activated, and it was like a drapery store burst out of her neck. 

Dozens of thick red ribbons started emerging from the gem around her choker, binding the halfing head-to-toe, mummifying her in a tight cocoon of silk, in the span of a heartbeat, she was completely encased, the pressure tight enough to make breathing difficult, but the material was thin enough that she could breath through it regardless.

Before Milly even had time to hit the ground, Rekk was on top of her, trying to free her friend using tooth and claw; a decision as noble as it was fruitless. She was focused on her task enough that she didn’t notice her own choker starting to glow a fiery red. For every one of the binding ribbons she cut from Milly, two more took its place; binding the girl even tighter, as well as attacking Rekk, and her own gem began firing out ribbons of its own to bind the Kobold.

Shortly, both adventurers were on the floor, barely able to squirm, hopelessly tied together; one of Rekks eyes was left exposed and was glaring hatefully at the Witch, who was sighing as she walked over to the pair. 

“So… one of the things you specified in the contract was the No Cheating clause; if you try to circumvent the dungeon in any way, such as by leaving early or attacking the proprietor, those stylish neckties of yours will activate and incapacitate you like this”, she tapped Milly with her toe, “Furthermore, attempting to free your partner or yourself from a trap inside they fell into, will cause your own crystal to visit the same punishment on you, with interest.”, she tapped Rekk as emphasis. “Do you understand and will withhold any further attempts to get out of this challenge and do harm to me or my place of business?”

Rekk grunted an assent, and… Milly presumably nodded, it was difficult to tell. She may have just still been squirming in her bonds.

“Great, glad to hear it. We’ll consider this a practical demonstration instead of an automatic failure”, Seress snapped her fingers and the ribbons immediately retracted back into the bowties. “Anyway, three chambers, three challenges, the first one is right behind you, where it says “Enter If You Dare”. Go nuts, kids. I’m going to see how, exactly, I can spend Lava Man treasure…” and she walked back out of the room.

Rekk got up first and stretched her muscles “Okay, well… how hard could an escape room be; they’re non-lethal versions of what we do all the time anyway”
“I’m more curious as to how that’s a legally binding contract if we were clearly intoxicated…” said Milly, and the pair opened the door to the first Challenge Room.

The first Challenge Room was visually fairly underwhelming, compared to the haunted foyer they had just been in; it was a plain brick hallway, higher than it was wide, maybe 40 feet from back to front. On the far side of the chamber, near the top of the wall was a red button. A wall beside the pair had a simple message ‘Press button to deactivate trap’.

“I don’t see any traps…” said Rekk, eyeing the room
“They wouldn’t be very good traps if you could”, Millys honed Rogue perception scanned the room for anything out of place; sliding panels on the walls [arrow traps? Swinging Blades?] a slightly raised piece of floor [pressure plate? Deadfall? Bad carpentry?], and a slight discoloration along the ceiling.

“Got it! Look at the ceiling; see how it’s two different tones? That’s got to be a safe path to avoid the traps” Milly took one step forward, and immediately heard a click as she triggered a trip-wire underfoot; the sliding panels on the walls immediately opened and nozzles emerged; firing streams of high pressure goo at the opposite wall, the raised tile moved a little bit higher as the pair realized the ground behind them was sinking into a pool of a thick oily substance; the two scrambled on to the higher ground. When they were (temporarily) safe, Rekk gave her partner a punch on the shoulder;

“Okay, mea culpa.This one is on me. Luckily, we know that Seress doesn’t actually want to kill us, so I doubt any of this goo is dangerous, and we also know all we have to do is hit that button on the other side of the room to turn all this off.”

“Think you can do it?”

“Reach the other side? Easy. I sleepwalk through harder obstacle courses than this just going to the bathroom. But disabling the traps? No can do; that off switch has to be at least eight feet off the ground. I’d need a running jump off the top of a ladder to get even close to that.” she looked up expectantly at her partner, “And you’re about how tall?”

Rekk sighed “You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that?”
“I am not cute. I’m tough.”

While Rekk was more than competent at most forms of combat, her chief expertise was in martial arts, and she had a natural gift for putting her body exactly where it needed to be at all times; which was an important skill when you were a 7-foot tall Kobold, and nobody else in your tribe even comes up to your shoulder. She couldn’t come close to matching Milly in terms of dexterity on her best day, but after a moment studying the arc and flow of the slime being shot out of the nozzles, and the positioning of the raised platforms that wouldn’t sink into the muck below she believed she had a handle on it.

She entered a runners pose, concentrated on the movement of the sprays to find the moment their pattern restarted, and dashed forward.

Milly watched her girlfriend practically dance around the streams being shot at her from every angle, and diving from one platform to the next; her every move perfect, a ballet of survival, and finally arriving at the opposite wall, where she was easily able to reach up and strike the off button, wagging her tail in excitement.

The machinery powering all the traps immediately started spinning down. Unfortunately, from across the room, she wasn’t quite able to determine how close the last set of nozzles was to the button; her wagging tail was caught inside the splash zone as the nozzle first out its last load of goop and it stuck fast.

Now that the path was clear, Milly was able to race over to Rekk to see what the consequences were; she was less confident that Seress wouldn’t try to harm them in some way beyond embarrassment now; motivated purely by panic for her friend; but by the time she arrived she was too late.

Startled by the cold slime striking her tail, Rekk had fallen over, sitting into a puddle of the goo that had started to build up around her. The slime quickly came alive and spread around the area where she had touched it, flowing around the rest of her tail and her upper thighs. She wasn’t hurt, but everything around her butt felt… odd. Cool, but not cold, heavier than it should be… and her balance felt really off.

“Oh that’s… different” said Milly

Rekk looked down and had to agree; “Different” is a pretty accurate summary.

From hips to knees; Milly was a crocodile. Her fluffy dog-like tail was twice as long and vastly heavier; dragging on the ground behind her now. Armor-like scales covered her thighs, instead of a heavy pelt of fur.

“What the hell is this nonsense?” exclaimed Rekk, reacting to suddenly being a one-quarter crocodile with more grace than one might otherwise expect.

Milly examined the puddles and experimentally dipped her small-toe into one; it immediately shrank into her foot, became fuzzy and developed a toe-bean, like a cat.

“It’s Shape-Gel, any organic material exposed to it, takes on the traits of another creature until it gets washed off. Each of those nozzles must have been set to a different animal. It’s harmless, more of a party favor than anything dangerous” Milly looked off thoughtfully “…*really* fun party favor though, based on personal experience.”

Rekk shakily got to her feet, moving felt incredibly awkward with her balance thrown off like this; like walking around with a third numb leg sticking out of your rear-end. 

“It might be harmless on its own, but it’s definitely a liability here; don’t think I’m going to be great for any more feats of athletics while we’re here with the weight of this tail throwing me off.”

“Well… our collars only stop us from disabling each other's traps by mimicking their effects on us, right?”
“To be honest, I was distracted enough with rage when she was explaining that I wasn’t paying close attention”
“That’s how I understood it. Anyway, I *don’t* have a tail, so maybe I can peel the goo off you to at least restore your balance; not like it can reflect itself on something I don’t have!”.

And before Rekk could agree, disagree or say “Wait! Don’t pull something that sticky off fur! That’ll hurt like hell!”, Milly reached forward and attempted to yank a fist-full of the slime off Rekks hind-quarters.

Once again, Millys choker started glowing red and the mechanical voice shouted “CHEATING DETECTED”; this time it started leaking a thick, viscous fluid that quickly spread itself out, and town her torso, pooling just over her backside, before coalescing into, a small nub, which quickly grew much longer; a perfect replica of Rekks normal fluffy tail. Three more puddles of slime emerged from the gem and shaped themselves over her nose and mouth, replicating Rekks snout, and on top of her head, forming little floppy puppy-ears.

“Aww, babe, that looks so cute on you!” said Rekk, genuinely fawning over her girlfriends new look
Seress’ voice came over the loudspeaker “Yeah… I mean… I do NOT like you two, but I have to admit, that… is adorable. I am definitely hoping you guys fail just so I can use that picture in my ads.”

Milly pouted “I am *not* cute, I’m a mysterious, aloof, badass criminal mastermind”.

“Play to your strengths, Milly.” said Rekk, clumsily getting up and heading to the next door

The pair exited the room and started walking down the hallway to the next challenge chamber, Rekk becoming slightly steadier on her feet as she adjusted to the extra weight afforded to her tail, still not in top form but at least able to walk comfortably, and Milly getting a bit more energetic.

“I can see why you’d be upset with that thing” Milly said, pointing at Rekks crocodile tail “Now that I got one like yours, I can see it really *does* help with balance. And look at how good I can breathe now!”

It’s difficult to ascertain how much oxygen someone is getting when they breathe in just by looking at them, so Rekk decided to look impressed.

“Yeah… I like this… after we’re done here I think I might see if I can get cursed by a wizard or bitten by a werewolf or something so I can keep them”

“Hey, I don’t go ripping off *your* style.”

They arrived at the entrance to the second chamber, with a note scrawled over the front reading “Defeat Guardian”. This chamber was a bit more spacious, but just as sparse, a lone, thin figure stood in front of a door, looked up at the pair as they entered and saluted them with a rapier.

“I don’t think beating up a guy really counts as a puzzle or trap.” said Milly, scratching her head, “You’re the brawn, think you can handle one skinny guy?”

Rekk squinted and looked over at the figure, and sighed “Normally, I’d say yes; but with this thing,” she thumped her new tail on the ground, “I doubt it. Not easily, at least. It’s a Spider-Elf”

Despite the name, Spider-Elves were neither; they were summoned creatures, usually (but not exclusively) conjured as security by people looking to protect something illicit. They weren’t usually very strong, physically, but were expert ambush predators and would defend whatever it was that they were summoned to guard to the death. The name came from the fact that they were insect-like humanoids that looked vaguely elven in size and shape. Most Elves thought that was pretty racist, but also Elves were pretty racist so nobody minded the hypocrisy. 

More people were upset because they were biologically more similar to caterpillars than spiders.

“Okay, then I’ll take this one.” said Milly, quickly formulating a plan, relying on Rekks combat instincts to kick in properly, “besides you took care of the room that was supposed to be designed for me.”

Milly took out the knife she’d secured in her waistband, sized up the Spider-Elf and immediately sprinted forward; knife out. 

While the Spider-Elves were physically frail, so was Milly; compared to Rekk she didn’t have the strength to punch a hole in soft-cheese, but what she lacked in brute force, she more than made up for in raw speed; and that was before the Shape Gel had given her a more aerodynamic body-parts. 

Regardless of the arm holding it; a knife coming at you at nearly a hundred miles an hour is something to watch out for. The Elf barely had time to raise its arm to deflect Millys strike, the force of which was enough to force it back a step. Millys momentum kept her going to the opposite wall, which she kicked off of and, barely letting inertia slow her down, charged forward again delivering another strike to the Elf, forcing it back again.

Rekk was impressed at Millys skill; normally when they got into scrapes, she’d always been the one to handle the rough stuff, and sometimes forgot about her partner's knife-work. Each time Milly retreated and charged forward, she knocked the Spider-Elf a bit closer to Rekk; who could finish the creature off with a single blow. Though it may be that she wasn’t even needed for that; every time Milly hit the monster, it fell to its knees briefly and had to push itself off the ground with its hands. Only its own extreme dexterity kept it back on its feet before Milly could reach it.

After a dozen blows, Milly finally drove the Spider-Elf into Rekks belly, which surprised it; it craned its heads up just in time to see Rekk scowl and drive one of her fists straight down into its head.

Like most summoned monsters, the Spider-Elf turned into a cloud of purple dust before dissipating, with a satisfying crunched-ice noise.

“We did it!” Milly cried, jumping and twirling in the air in her usual ‘Post Random Battle Victory Pose’ (as Milly called it, most people did not appreciate or share her exuberance after a desperate battle), “team Milly once again proves the better of ACK-”

Her self-serving victory speech was cut short as in her posing, she stepped into one of the spots where the Spider-Elf had placed its hands moments earlier. And Spider-Elves, of course, are *ambush* predators; it wouldn’t have just challenged anyone to a fight unless it had laid traps in the room to begin with. As soon as Milly put her weight on the spot where the Elf had touched, it burst like a land-mine; firing a heavy spray of spider-silk straight up; cocooning the girl from the waist down in a thick mess of webbing. No longer able to use her feet, Milly fell on to her left side, where her elbow struck another webbing-mine, adhering her arm to her torso.

Only the fact that she had been flailing her right arm trying to correct her balance saved it from being sprayed too; she fell to the ground, barely able to move save for the one free limb. 

For the second time this morning. That had to be a record.

Stepping carefully around where she’d seen the elf activate traps, Rekk made her way over to her fallen friend.

“Well, for one thing, at least you’re not naked any more. And for another… bundled up like this you’re honestly even cuter”.

“I’m NOT cute.” Milly insisted, with much less fire than before “I’m BADASS”.

Once again Seress’ voice sounded over the intercom “Oh my GOD, you are! I am totally going to make plushies of you when I get your likeness rights!” 

Trundling Milly up like a baby-bjorn, Rekk carried her sulking friend out the door and into the final chamber.

This one was markedly different in decore from the previous two; instead of a non-descript room, this one was an indoor jungle; plants ringed the walls with no common theme beyond “massive” and “colourful”. Some of them appeared to be some manner of pitcher-plants or fly-traps, but scaled up for human consumption, vines could be seen coiling around some of them, reaching out and grasping at the adventurers.

“Oh, so it’s one of *THOSE* kinds of jungles” muttered Rekk.

Between the two walls was an indoor pool; the water was too stagnant and brackish to see through, but there was clearly something living in it; from her vantage point nestled against Rekks chest, Milly could see sinuous shadows moving through the water

“I’m guessing either cephalopods, eels or living seaweed in the water. Something tentacle-adjacent at least” she said “Kind of fits the theme”.

On the far wall from where the pair entered the chamber, there was a treasure chest nestled against a tree; bright red, golden trim, classic design. Probably shined a glowing light when you opened it.

Once again, there was a sign painted on the wall “To claim victory, unlock chest”, below that was a “PS: For Safety: Staff Recommends Diving Suits for Swimmers”; and an arrow pointing at a pair of modified scuba-suits on a wall beside them. From the waist up, they were fairly standard; chosen to accommodate Milly and Rekks extreme difference in size; both had a full oxygen tank, and the one for Rekk even had a modified mask to account for her snout. From the waist down, it was a single piece; more mermaid shaped than hominid. 

Moreover, it was clearly not created with anyone except Milly and Rekks physiques in mind; there was a hole for Rekks normal tail, but it wasn’t anywhere close to being big enough to hold her new, much girthier one. Millys new tail was at least small enough it would be able to fit down one of the leg holes or wrap it around her belly; but of course, she was down three limbs and should really not be swimming at present.

“Well crap… this is a problem” Milly said, “I could open that chest before you could blink under normal circumstances, but with just one arm to my name at the moment, I’d definitely need you to bring me over there”

Rekk glowered, “I can’t swim at the best of times, and I definitely don’t want to be in that pool without protection, and I can’t carry you and dodge all those plant monsters if we go along the side.” She was quiet for a moment, lost in thought, and then said “I have a plan that I really don’t think you’re going to like.”

Milly sighed “You’re going to make me even cuter, aren’t you?”

“For starters…”

Rekk took the smaller of the Scuba suits off the wall and tried to stuff her squirming friend into it; luckily the fish-tail like design of the suit were perfectly suited to fit Millys bound legs, so they wouldn’t be a liability when it came to swimming; her arm being stuck to her side was a bigger impediment; but she only needed to go forward. She was now a short-stacked puppy mermaid, and in her office, Seress started tossing out her existing designs for Milly plushies and started new ones.

“Okay, so… I’m going to throw you as close to the opposite shore as I can manage” explained Rekk

“Not loving this plan so far”

“Then I’m going to try to run along the edge and dodge any plant monsters in my way and reach the opposite side while you swim the rest of the way”

“So many problems with this plan”

“I’ll reach the other side of the lake, drag you out, and get you to the chest, where you can unlock it and then we can leave here and never speak of this place again.”

“This is the one part I like.”

Rekk picked up Milly, judged the distance and the amount of spin she’d have to put on her friend, and tossed with all her might to the opposite shore.

Unfortunately, she’d forgotten to account for how much the crocodile tail was throwing off her weight and balance, and instead of the far shore; Milly splashed down about a third of the way down, facing the wrong direction.

Something underwater, huge and lithe, noticed the splash as Milly touched down and started drifting in her direction.

“THIS IS THE WORST PLAN! I HATE THIS TERRIBLE PLAN!” Milly screamed as she desperately tried to course correct with her one functional arm and reach the far shore before whatever was underwater caught her.

Rekk, for her part was already sprinting down the wooded area to reach where Milly was supposed to come out; she vaguely recalled reading somewhere that crocodiles were extremely fast moving in a straight line, and secretly hoped that the secret to that was somewhere in their butt; because otherwise this stupid tail was a real liability.

Fortunately, when it comes to magical shape-shifting jelly, that’s exactly where it was; Rekks land speed was increased enough that the grasping vines couldn’t catch up with her, and she had enough muscle mass in general to plow straight through the pitchers and flytraps in her way.

In the water, Milly was also doing better than she really expected, given her present level of mind-bending terror; the creature in the pool seemed curious about her, but not hostile. It was using its tendrils, poking at her belly and rubbing her legs, but it was binding her or trying to capture and eat her or anything else. There were no painful stings to suggest it was poisonous. The closest thing it did to an aggressive action was accidentally snag the zipper of her scuba-suit and bring it down a little bit. She swatted the tentacle away and kept on swimming trying to hit the opposite shore.

The last leg of the jungle side was trickier; the main plants were made of sturdier fiber, and the roots underfoot were getting thicker and harder to travel over and the grasping vines were getting faster and more intelligent, Rekks constantly had to correct and over-correct to get around the plants and keep her balance, but she was almost there. 

They were going to do it! Escape this Escape Room Dungeon and then nobody would ever know how the world famous Iron Wolf Adventure Team could be completely humiliated by a party planning service!

Which was clearly very wishful thinking on their part.

The creature in the lake wasn’t attacking Milly when it was reaching for her, it was barely even sentient, but when it pulled down the zipper on her scuba suit slightly, it allowed the lake water to pour in. Not much; but a little. Of course she was also frantically splashing through a lake filled with monsters, so her attention to detail was a bit reduced and she wouldn’t have noticed either way. That small amount of water worked its way down her body and soaked into the webbing around her feet damping the toe she’d dipped into the Shape Gel earlier.

The water soluble shape-gel. Which was an in-dungeon trap. That absolutely can not be removed, as enforced by the choker around her neck.

The instant the lake water touched that toe, the Gel dissolved, Millys Choker once again flashed red with another warning klaxon of “CHEATING DETECTED”, and once again the glowing crystal exploded into a cacophony of restrictive agents; first more Shape Gel, which spread along her body molding and remolding her body, which tore at the bindings from the Spider Mines, causing the gem to start firing more spider-silk out at her gluing her limbs in new, variously uncomfortable positions, all the while it was doing its original trick of attempting to mummify her with thick ribbons.

After a few minutes of overloading itself trying to figure out how to restrain Milly, the Choker eventually settled down; she was not only completely mummified by the ribbons, but an additive was added to the silk to make it water-proof, and the Shape Gel was modified to give her a serpent-like shape that was still adorably puppy-like, floating at the top of the lake

For added measure, the lake creature noticed she had stopped struggling and thought she’d calmed down and went over to start nuzzling her like a friendly pet looking for ear-scritches.

On the shoreline, as soon as the warning klaxon sounded, Rekk turned to see what had happened to Milly, causing her to lose her footing on the increasingly treacherous carpet of vines and roots on the ground; her balance thrown off even worse by her tail, she managed to fall backwards into a pitcher-plant; fortunately with her head and mouth out of the sticky fluids inside.

The glue-like fluid of a plant this size was that much stronger than the kind merely designed to trap houseflies, however, and from her position, Rekk couldn’t get anywhere close to the amount of leverage she needed to force her way out. 

As she laid there trying, the grasping vines from earlier caught up to her finally, and, wrapping around her abdomen, raised her out of the flower. She was briefly confused and grateful, when the buds on each of the vines started nibbling at the fluid that had stuck itself to her fur. When she was finally free of the slime, it would dip her back in and repeat the process; like she was a giant chicken nugget.

After a few repetitions of this happening, she came to the conclusion that either these flowers pollinated  themselves somehow by the vine-planet feeding off the pitcher-slime after it had been nourished by trapping another organism… or the plants were just weird because all nature is weird in a fantasy world.

About an hour later, as Milly was being snuggled by an unseen lake creature, and Rekk was getting tired of being dunked in plant-sauce, Seress returned to the pair.

“So…” the witch said, smiling, “Y’all ready to call it quits and let me have those likeness rights, or do you want to try going for double-or-nothing?”

“Phmk hoo” came the response from both of them.

~~~~~

A few months passed, and Milly and Rekk returned to Seress’ Escape Dungeon Parlor, after renovations were complete to capitalize on her new advertising campaign. Unsurprisingly, they were easily the people least excited to be there.

The line for the entrance was practically around the block, which is especially impressive as these are typically not a “wait in line” kind of experience. Scrying Orbs were set up every few feet in the lineso attendants could be shown super-cuts of the parties' various failings, all set to jaunty music. The store had a gift shop now that sold plushies of the two of them, (Millys had a string that, when pulled, insisted she is NOT cute, with an exaggerated voice). Rekk got animated dolls that could shift between kobold and crocodile, but were slightly clunkily designed and neither looked as impressive as they should, as well as a toy that could be dipped in REAL PLANT SLIME with a needlessly excited child gawking at it on the box.

“I wouldn’t mind the videos so much if they at least showed the impressive things we did” muttered Rekk.
“At least your toys look cool” grumbled Milly, holding a toy of her looking like a puppy snuggled into a blanket.

“Ah, there are my stars!” came the familiar voice of Seress, seeing the pair. “Gotta say, I had misgivings at first, but having you two as my mascots did WONDERS for my business.”

“Delighted for you”

“Yeah… can’t even see the end of the waiting list; we’re booked for birthday parties, corporate retreats, weddings… funerals for some reason, it’s been great! Had to open a second location!”

The adventurers resumed glaring at Seress, who coughed

“Anyway… in light of how profitable our relationship was, and because judging from your expressions, you’re about to attack me with knives and martial arts if I do anything else, I decided to refund your down payment.”

Seress snapped her fingers and an employee standing behind her produced a treasure chest filled with the Lava Lords treasure, “All yours, gratis.”

Milly cocked her head to the side “And there’s no catch?”

“Well no, dear. It’s… a chest full of treasure from a lava man. I literally do not know how to spend this. Most stores do not accept the contents of treasure chests as payment. Also I’m really sure you stole this and I do not want to deal with that, so just take it”

The employee beside Seress shoved the chest into Rekks arms, and then turned around to serve the customers waiting

“Anyway… you two… go on and have more adventures or whatever it is you people do. Go smite a… I don’t know… demiurge.” she gave them air kisses and then turned around to head back into her business.

“Milly”
“Yeah Rekk?”
“Let’s never set foot in this god damn town again.”