[color=red][b][u]Tabloid Terrorism Invasion: Canada[/u][/b][/color] ---------------------------------- Cogent Cat speaking; Canada, we have a problem. We’re under attack, but it’s not the AIRAF, GSAF, or F5 Terror Force that’s attacking us and our great nation. It’s those idiotic tabloid terrorists invading us. It’s bad enough the U.S. and the U.K. have people doing this to them, but the U.K. hasn’t seen it as much as the U.S. has. The whole thing really started in the U.S.; a ton of people were angry over losing their jobs for the wrong reasons. I do understand why they were angry; the companies had let CNG brainwash them into making false assumptions about Leo the Patriotic Lion, when he was elected POTUS (President of the United States), and as a result, every single one of them except one—People Magazine—all suddenly announced they were going out of business. In a heartbeat, everybody lost their jobs, and abruptly had to find another way to make more money to put food on the table. Yet the CNG had also gotten to those people that were fired, because they’re now trying to start their own new magazine. Terrorism never solves anything, and yet that was the way they were trying to get the funding for this magazine. (No bank was willing to give them a loan, and for that matter, no outside companies were willing to do it either.) As you might have guessed, their families disowned them and wrote them all out of the wills. This led to further fury, and as a result, these people are now just straightforward terrorists. We still call them the “tabloid terrorists” because it helps us separate these criminals from other criminals who use terrorism for different reasons. However, we’re still in a stalemate we don’t want to be in, since there are supernatural forces picking up where CNG left off, and as a result, there are too many unnecessary deaths in the human race, resulting from stupidity of the current generation in their adult years. (The difference is that humans aren’t turning into animals as they were when CNG was still around. It’s straightforward death if you blow it, so don’t blow it, people.) I can only conclude that this is why we still have the propaganda that says, “Humans are out, furries are in!” (In addition, the humans are the ones who started this; go figure.) Phase two of this phenomenon is the humans deciding that the only way the supernatural will let them live at all is if they sacrifice all rights and freedoms that the Declaration of Human Rights says people should have (and the U.S. Constitution in the case of our neighbors to the south), and instead obey Leo and his parallels to the letter. (The one exception to the rule is Len the Outback Lion of Australia; CNG had accidentally overlooked him. Well, he’s only somewhat of an exception; the new supernatural forces didn’t forget him, and Australia has humans obeying him to the letter now.) As a result, our Prime Minister, Levi Peterson (Levi the Mountee Lion) hasn’t gone a week into his second era of being the Prime Minister without people telling him (either in person or via letters they write to him) that while there were things they disagreed with, Canada was in a much better state when he almost turned us into a dictatorship (although it’s nothing close to the way it was when Wind Master, now a fellow Canadian G-52, was our dictator). The nation has forgiven Levi, though, and so the spell is wearing off faster up here than it is down in the States; Leo reported seeing more elementary school kids proclaiming that the nation no longer deserves to be the United States of America, but instead should change its name to the United Empire of Leo. Obviously, he’s not going to let that happen. The nation will still be the USA. Levi has the unwanted dubious distinction of replacing Justin Trudeau not once, but twice. Both have reconciled with each other, however, and even Trudeau had been saying, “Now that I look back at it in hindsight, it should have been you, not me. You knew what you were doing, even if you got it wrong.” “Are you sure about that?” Levi asked him. (The two were eating dinner at a restaurant so that they could talk out their differences. No paparazzi were present snapping photos or asking questions.) “I had the biggest mouth between us because I kept saying that if you didn’t behave yourself, I’d take over the country.” “How would you have done that?” “Probably by a coup, or something? Not in the way Rainier did it, but still, it shows how disgusted I was by what your administration was doing. In the end, the biggest political scandal of them all—at least according to what these tabloid terrorism groups are claiming—is the fact I suspended Parliament because they were not doing their jobs, but instead obsessing over those controversial photos of you pretending to be something you aren’t. That’s the only way I can phrase that without getting dinged by the Chief (Super C) for dwelling on my past.” “I was going to ask about that, but I don’t have the G-52 app yet. Well, I’m getting it now.” The restaurant had Wi-Fi connections, so Trudeau was in the process of downloading the G-52 app (and later the C.I.D.F. app) off Google Play. (Both are completely free apps across all platforms, both Apple and Android, as well as Windows.) “The last time the news mentioned you, it said they were trying to leak false information about you.” “There are parts of that I cannot speak about either. All I am allowed to tell you and everybody else is that while it is true that the G-52 who has paid the most fine money to the Chief is, in fact, me, the tabloid terrorists lied and said I paid eight times the amount I actually paid. How they found out is beyond my comprehension; the Chief is supposed to have everything privately protected in his records.” “You’re sure they didn’t just make a number up?” “I am. Divide by eight, and you get the correct answer.” ----------------------- Super C later confirmed this when Mr. Trudeau used the app (although he was using the tutorial mode to see 1) how it worked, and 2) so that he wouldn’t violate the terms and conditions of the app). “No; that information wasn’t supposed to be public knowledge,” the Cat of Steel said. “I am amazed this supernatural force now dominating us hasn’t killed them all yet. It does kill people if it determines they know too much. It’s a miracle that it hasn’t done anything to you yet. Moreover, yes, I do forbid my recruits from speaking about incidents like the one of him firing all those people over those photos. I’m not going to ask about it either; we already asked you what the heck you were thinking when you did that act.” “I’d rather not talk about it myself now,” Trudeau replied, “but thanks for clearing that up for me. As I said to Levi, I look back at that last election in hindsight, and even I think the public should have chosen him over me.” “That’s true; they thought they had to punish him for his sins by voting you back in. Then it all went downhill from there. Hard to believe this year will mark the 5-year anniversary of that.” “I know.” “Anyways, you have the app now, so if you do see chaos happening, do not hesitate to call anybody about it. Levi is a G-52 himself.” “Will do; thanks.” “No problem.” ---------------------- A few days later, the tabloid terrorists began to invade Canada. These people are as dumb as a rock; many of them were former members of STOPS, AOFUT, or TBTC (TBTC being the merger of the former two). They weren’t going after Justin Trudeau, however; they had all the dirt on him they ever wanted. They were going after Levi; they felt it was their duty to assassinate him, since they decided to go for the opposite goal: a world with no furries; just humans. (This is one piece of evidence showing how stupid they are; they didn’t even notice that the humans were the ones that wanted themselves out of the picture, and wanted furries to instead dominate the worlds of politics, show biz, the music industry, sports, and in the case of the U.S., all those college marching bands that play at American football games. Sorry, America, but we Canadians invented our version of the gridiron game first.) Nothing they tried worked, however. They had forgotten that the C.I.D.F.’s numbers totaled over 200 million for the planet Earth, and over 2.5 billion in the whole universe. (In fact, the organization had to call some of its troops stationed in outer space to come to Earth and help prevent the crowd crush that would have happened in Dallas when we had that last solar eclipse. In the end, the forces of good prevented it, and nobody was hurt. People still died afterwards, though. If these supernatural forces had their way, nobody would bother to even travel outside their hometowns.) First, they tried planting a bomb at the Parliament building, but the bomb wouldn’t detonate. Everybody was able to evacuate in time, but nobody could see the terrorists, and Levi’s fellow Mountees couldn’t find where the bomb had been placed. The bomb only blew up when a terrorist crossed paths with a different terrorist in a different organization; the latter escaped unhurt, but ended up arrested anyway since he had 39 outstanding warrants on him from 21 different countries. (The terrorists decided they would blow up the POM, or Office of the Prime Minister, instead. Boring title, I know, but that’s what it is called.) Levi and Trudeau were still working their differences out, and were working to make amends with all the people they hurt, when the alarms rang out. “In here, quick,” the lion instructed as he and his predecessor hid in the panic room. Levi then called Super C and let him know what was happening, and Leo and his administration promised to pay attention to it just in case. I got the news when other staffers of my employer (CTV) caught film of the action for their newscasts, and I alerted the other Canadian G-52s and allies (i.e. Captain Canada) about the situation. “These are the tabloid freaks, aren’t they?” Captain Canada asked me. “I think I saw them run a red light!” She then paused to stifle a sneeze. “Phew; that was close.” “I’m afraid they are,” I said. “Even though my name is Furious Fox,” said Furious Fox, “even I have to show restraint from losing my temper. If anything was ever able to make me furious, this is it.” ------------------------- The terrorists, since they couldn’t use the bomb on the OPM, tried firing machine guns and other weaponry that they had obtained for themselves before the police could confiscate it. (It had previously belonged to the GSAF until the R.C.M.P., with Rainier’s help, had attempted to get them to surrender it. Then it got really stormy all of a sudden, although that was just Mother Nature doing her thing, and in the confusion, the tabloid terrorists grabbed the weapons.) Thanks to the magical effects that the Maple Marcher and the music his marching bands were playing, however, the gunshots weren’t even getting anywhere near the targets. It was almost as if there was an invisible brick wall in front of the OPM. “What? How can this be?” “WILL YOU IDIOTS CUT IT OUT AND STOP THAT MUSIC, OR WILL I HAVE TO FORCE YOU TO DO IT?” another terrorist screamed. The music didn’t stop, and so he began firing at them. Again, to no avail; the bullets didn’t even come close. “And we don’t even need bulletproof vests,” Maple Marcher commented. Then his own powers came into use, and a bunch of maple trees suddenly grew out of nowhere. (He can also summon vines and do other sorts of plant magic.) No matter what did the terrorists did next, they couldn’t escape. The trees were eventually uprooted and moved to a place where they would be put to good use. ---------------------- Super C dispatched himself and Cripto to help out, and both met me, Captain Canada, and Furious Fox just outside the CTV flagship station, CFTO-DT, Channel 9. (This is where I spend most of my working hours. The station is owned and operated by network parent Bell Media, alongside Barrie-based CTV 2 flagship station CKVR-DT, Channel 3, although the two stations maintain separate operations.) “When did this whole thing start?” Super C asked. “About 34 minutes ago, I think,” I said. “Yet they didn’t plan ahead or think this through. I swear these crooks are getting dumber and dumber, day by day.” “Seems like it,” said Cripto as he put his marital arts to good use, so that he didn’t have to use his powers for everything. His powers did still come into use, though, but that was mainly to help guide the citizens to safety. “Go that way,” he said. “You’ll be safer over there.” The public cooperated. They ran almost as if they were running a marathon. This group of terrorists didn’t have any weapons on them; they just wanted to start a fistfight after breaking into the station. They weren’t able to get inside, though. All the doors were locked, and the doors had bulletproof glass on them, similar to the glass used in ice hockey arenas. (I should know; I’m a big Toronto Maple Leafs fan. I do film the occasional NHL game when CTV does coverage of it, although most of the time our hockey games instead air on CBC.) “Drat!” one man groaned. “I can’t get inside! It’s getting so a man can’t earn a dishonest living anymore!” Then he had a go at me. “Let me inside!” “I’d have to be dead before you get in the door!” I snapped as I flipped the man over. ---------------- I forgot to point out that all the tabloid terrorists were men; there were no women involved here. It was not because the group didn’t allow men; there were simply no women interested in breaking the law. Some of the women Captain Canada was assigned to protect were weeping over the sight, and she asked them what the matter was. “The one trying to kill Cogent Cat had every intention of making me his wife,” said one woman. “But my parents said no. He wasn’t willing to get it into his head that it was over. He’d do anything to force me to marry him. Now I fear for my life.” “Well, you have nothing to fear now,” my colleague replied. “The G-52s are here.” “Let me confirm for you,” said the woman’s sister, “that he lives next door to me. I have a brother about a year and half younger than me, and she’s engaged to him. I think he thought my brother stole her and pulled the rug out from under him. Figuratively, not literally, of course. I was also a witness to her parents telling the man that the answer was no.” The woman’s parents were at the scene, and the father admitted, “It was his criminal record. We’re churchgoers and believers in Jesus Christ, but we do have a severe fear of what He will say to us. Because I was once a Mountee—and I knew Levi from his Mountee years—I confess to running every potential date through our version of the sex offender registry. That way, in case we actually came across one, we could easily arrest him.” “Were you that desperate to make the arrests?” Captain Canada asked, very confused. “At the time, they pressured us into meeting the quotas, or we wouldn’t last in our jobs. That all changed once Levi joined the force.” --------------------- The battle between me and the terrorist trying to kill me turned into a wrestling match, except it wasn’t happening inside a ring. Crush wasn’t present, so Super C acted as the “referee” in the match, even counting to 20 when we went “out of bounds.” In the end, he only got as far as the number 7 when we came back “in bounds,” and he dropped to the ground and slammed it three times after I managed to pin the terrorist. “One! Two! THREE!” he shouted. At that point, the terrorists were too tired to continue, so they surrendered to the police. The crowds watching broke into applause as Super C raised my arm to declare me the winner, similar to boxing. ----------------------- Once the all-clear was given, we made our way over to the OPM, where Levi and Trudeau walked back outside. “Thanks so much for getting rid of those men,” Levi said. “I’m also sorry that information got leaked.” “As am I,” said Super C. “Just be aware that we haven’t seen the last of them. Renata tells me that they attempted to attack his home nation (New Zealand), but that didn’t last more than about 30 seconds. One glimpse at him, and they all dropped down dead.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Too many people are dying; I wish the supernatural would cut it out.” “I do, too, but there’s no way for us to control it. It buys into all this garbage of humanity being ‘too savage of a race.’ Well, it isn’t; this world isn’t going to exist without humans. You both know this.” The duo nodded. “And thanks for clarifying the truth to me,” Trudeau added, referencing the earlier conversation they had over the app. “As soon as they let me out of prison, I made sure the first thing I did was apologize to Levi.” “I’m glad to see you two settled your differences,” Super C replied. “I can’t really comment on anything about that, but that’s really because I’m not Canadian.” --------------------- When came time for the terrorists to stand trial, they confessed that their primary target was Levi, and that they discovered what should not have been discovered because one of them was once a member of the Canadian Parliament, but he was not among the ones Levi fired for obsessing over the unacceptable photos. Instead, he voluntarily quit because he was disgusted that a lion was running a country, not a human being. He had walked into Levi’s office to hand in his resignation, but Levi wasn’t present. (He had gone to the restroom.) He heard Levi’s phone beep and decided to bring up the message himself, and it was a fine message from Super C stating that he owed him $10,000 for his latest meltdown, which in Canadian dollars today (as of the publishing of this journal entry) equals $13,783.59. Super C always includes the grand total of times the recruit has been fined if the G-52 has earned a fine multiple times, and as a result, the terrorist decided to multiply the number by eight before his act of leaking went into action, after making a false assumption about what the number actually was. However, the public wasn’t willing to believe he fined his recruits anything for bad behaviours, and the C.I.D.F. reinforced it when they used their memory wiping devices on the people. (Note that we had to do this trial behind closed doors as a safety precaution; the C.I.D.F. then used their memory wiping devices on the judges afterwards to protect them.) “I need to update the policies on that, too,” he thought to himself. “Some of the others would suggest it, assuming they aren’t cross with me.” -------------------- A few days later, Levi’s duties required him to visit the White House for diplomatic reasons; while there, he told Leo and the others what happened. He also mentioned the incident where the terrorists had intended to attack New Zealand, but as soon as they looked at Renata, they died. “If it wasn’t his weapon, it was probably all those tattoos,” Leo commented. “He’s not Renata the Maori Lion for nothing. Still, I am not happy about this pattern that is re-emerging. I’ve seen criminals die because they looked me in the face.” “I don’t think that’s happened with me yet,” said Levi, “but I pray hard that it never does.” “I do, too.” Leo then led all of us in a round of prayers for the world. ------------------- Being a hockey fan, I confess to taking it personally when Sweden upset Canada to win gold in the 1994 Winter Olympics, but I can promise you these idiots won’t be entering Sweden anytime soon. I don’t have to tell you why that is, do I? (If you were to ask Lennart, though, he would tell you that he’d rather not expose himself to anybody criminal; after all, all Billy Bob Jolson did was look at him, and that was enough to mortally wound him from a spiritual standpoint. Not long after looking at Lennart’s face, he died.) -------------------- If you do see any of these tabloid terrorists lurking about, do not hesitate to call us via the G-52 or C.I.D.F. apps. If you don’t have those, get them; they will save your life, and they are a free service to the world provided you do not violate their terms and conditions. False emergency calls to us are treated like a false emergency call to the fire department, police, or E.M.T. workers. The consequences are very severe. Do not risk it. ------------------- Thanks, and have a good night, Canada. You too, world. --------------------- [color=white][b]THE END[/b][/color]