[color=gray][b][u]The Heroic, the Stupid, and the Good-Looking[/u][/b][/color] ------------------------------------ Cicero the Confederate Lion here. I am a parallel of Leo the Patriotic Lion in case you haven’t figured that out already. Yes; I fought for the South just as Ulysses the Union Lion fought for the North, but neither of us got to experience the end of it. When the time warp brought us to the modern world, we had just finished the Battle of Gettysburg, arguably the First American Civil War’s bloodiest and most grueling battle that was fought. “Too many casualties all over nothing,” we both felt, “because this whole war was pointless.” ([b]NOTE:[/b] I am saying “First American Civil War,” because the nation sadly has had two more civil wars by definition. The second one denotes Zachary Chandler’s reign as a cruel dictator, although there was more good than bad that ultimately came out of it, and to this day, Leo has incorporated some of the coyote’s ideas into his job as the current POTUS, or President of the United States. The third war was all that election terrorism in 2016, which led to the election of Richard Jones; since then, he has earned the nickname “Richard the Orderly.” Leo, however, has overtaken Richard as the nation’s most beloved President, and will forever be known as “Leo the Emperor.”) Why say this? The central cause of this war was the dispute over whether slavery should be permitted to expand into western territories, or be prevented from doing so. Those decades of political controversy leading up to the war, cultivating in Abraham Lincoln’s victory in the 1860 election, did not help us one bit. Both Ulysses and I felt that it was pointless, though, because we both wished we could have just talked it out peacefully and saved so many more lives. Yet the hatred on both sides was there, proof if proof was needed that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. (“Who says my counterparts from that era did not think ahead of their time?” Leo once told the press. “Don’t bash Cicero!” He said this because when I first arrived, I did have a period where the people today were harassing me. It didn’t help that the Texas Secession Front, a villainous group bent on making the state of Texas their own independent nation, wanted me to join their cause. Well, I am not.) My biggest regrets from the war came from making the same type of double standard that others had made (or so it seems). Why? I didn’t approve of the concept of slavery. The only race that actually exists is the human race; God made the different variety of colors as an illustration how He made man in His own image. (Just as Leo’s religion is Christianity, the same is true with all his American parallels. I don’t know about all the others, but for example, there is also Robert the Redcoat Lion, his British parallel from the American War for Independence. He also has Louis the Loyalist Lion, the drummer counterpart to Robert.) Yet I felt it was my duty to follow my state; my state is Georgia, while General Lee came from Virginia (the same state as Zachary; I wonder how he feels about this war?), and that’s despite us both being devout followers of Jesus. (It’s a matter of debate as to how a Southern person today should feel about the First American Civil War versus how a Northern person should feel about it.) In the end, the time warp proved to be a blessing in disguise, for while we all still experienced many troubles since then, they haven’t been anywhere near as traumatizing as what we experienced during this horrible conflict. ----------------------------- It seems only appropriate that there were ultimately more of Leo’s parallels on the winning side than the losing side of the First American Civil War, because even though Clyde the Cavalry Lion is Leo’s parallel from the Old West by definition, he fought in the Civil War just as Ulysses did. The difference is that he moved west while Ulysses stayed behind. That’s two generals in blue to the one and only wearing gray (me). Leo has said he sees this as an illustration of how the Untied States will always triumph in the end. There’s much symbolism in the U.S.’s triumph in its War for Independence, the Northerners winning the Civil War, and how we were the key factors to winning WW1 and WW2 (World War I and World War II), respectively. Then you have the Vietnam War, but that’s a different story. It’s all quite common today for people to muse that I should have been the supreme Confederate commander instead of Lee, just as Ulysses should have had the position instead of Grant. I guess you can be the judge of that; I think it’s that whole “humans are out, furries are in” mindset CNG planted in everybody’s brains, and the powerful aftereffects that CNG has shown will be no doubt having an impact on the human race (which in turn will impact us in the animal kingdom) for decades to come. The only thing that could beat CNG in the end was itself, and it did. In 2022, it finally ceased to exist. (If you go by the way creationists judge our history from when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit until that year, that’s almost 6,000 years of torture.) Anyways, thank you for letting me get that off my chest. I occasionally have the bad dream or two about those experiences, and sometimes I need to rant. Ask Ulysses and he’ll tell you the same thing. ------------------ Not all of Leo’s parallels have a second parallel that is a percussionist that played on the field of battle from the same time period. The only nations that really have extra drummer parallels are the “ABC” of the G-52s, as it was once known: America, Britain, and Canada. The difference is that the Canadian parallels, Levi the Mountee Lion and Lyon the Northern Lion, have no military experience in combat. Levi was instead a police officer (“Mountee” refers to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, or R.C.M.P.), while Lyon played in a few military bands as well as performed a few other services for the Canadian Army, but in the end, he was never really sent overseas. All his experiences in combat came from being right at home, since the general public is its own worst enemy, and in certain cases, have made the supervillains in the F5 Terror Force laugh their heads off. “No point in us plotting anything,” they said, “when the world can attack itself.” (We saw this recently with Uganda and Nigeria.) Today, Levi is Canada’s Prime Minister, while Lyon holds a role as an ambassador to the U.S. (All parallels of Leo were ambassadors to the U.S., and any who don’t have political office still are; those that took office found a G-52 to replace them. For example, when Ryo the Samurai Lion became Japan’s Prime Minister, the superhero Neon Blade became the Japanese ambassador to the U.S., and what a job he’s done!) As for the other two nations, Britain is somewhat an exception to the rule as well. Lionus the Chivalric Lion, now the UK Prime Minister, doesn’t have a drummer counterpart to him. He just has his Pegasus, whom he calls Tristan (after years of him not having a name), whereas Robert has Louis. Leo doesn’t count because he himself is a drummer and percussionist when he’s not running the country or saving the day, as well as a composer and arranger. In fact, ASCAP (the American Society of Composers, Arrangers, and Publishers) holds him as one of its highest-honored and most distinguished members. The rest of his parallels have drummer counterparts, meaning they had played a military field drum on the field of battle: the one to me is William the Wise Lion, who shared many of the same feelings I had about the Civil War. Ulysses has Grayson the Faithful Lion, while Clyde has Peter the Percussive Lion. In keeping with the musical traditions we parallels are associated with, Ulysses and I both play the fife, while Clyde is a bugler, and all of us use our music to educate the public about life back in our original heyday. The same is true for the other two parallels of Leo, who come from the American War for Independence: Lucas the Revolutionary Lion (the original), and David the Revolutionary Drummer Lion. (Not every parallel’s name begins with an L.) The drummer counterparts also use the musical payroll system to help themselves make bank and pay the bills, in addition to any side jobs they do; Grayson, for example, writes many books about the First Civil War (including his autobiography). In addition to any battle re-enactments we do from time to time, Ulysses, in his hometown of—ironically—Gettysburg, runs a bowling alley that does both tenpin bowling and candlepin bowling. (I tried candlepin bowling once; that’s not easy.) Clyde now lives in Glenn View Springs, Arizona, the home of the Nickelbacks, the Righteous Outlaw, Jocko the Indian Wolf and his tribe, and others, and he works as a bank manager. (The city typically goes by its initials, GVS.) As for me, I compile puzzles for a living; these include crossword, Sudoku, missing vowels, and all kinds of things like that. (I also do mazes.) William writes newspaper columns and philosophy books, and some of them ultimately became school textbooks in accordance with Zachary’s mandates on making philosophy a required subject in schools. (If the school is a private Christian school, it is exempt from this; it uses the Bible as its own set of philosophy courses.) ------------- Today would mark a unique day of unity in the face of what once kept us apart (sort of), because William and I joined Ulysses and Grayson as we all traveled down to GVS to meet Clyde and Peter. It wasn’t for a battle re-enactment, though; GVS doesn’t do any re-enactments because it refuses to portray any Native Americans living there in a negative light, and this includes Jocko’s tribe, the Moon Dwellers. (They call themselves that because they can’t remember what they actually were according to definition, since CNG had destroyed all the records. As a result, they are listed as a separate tribe from the more familiar ones such as Cherokee, Seminole, and Navajo.) It was more of a joint-effort of how we educate the public with our music. That reminds me; I almost forgot about Lenno the Tribal Lion, Leo’s Native American parallel. He is also on the musical payroll system, but most of the drumming he does is in regards to him being an appointed chief of the Navajo tribe. If your orchestra wants him to play timpani, however, he will have no problems doing so. ------------------ When we arrived on this beautiful morning, Clyde was the first to greet us. It helped that it was a bank holiday, so he had the day off. “What a fine day for our music being a teaching tool,” I said. “It is,” said Clyde, and he led us to the spot where we would do it. At the moment, the Moon Dwellers were having a powwow drumming session, and added shamanic drums to the mix, but we didn’t mind, and they didn’t mind either; their tribe teaches all male wolves as many percussion instruments as possible, and when you consider the superpowers that CNG gave all musical G-52s and their allies (and the Moon Dwellers are all allies, with the exception of Warrior Wolf, the actual G-52), they could summon anything and play it at the Forsythian level, said to be “beyond professional.”’ The wolves had graciously offered to help us out with our project, a primer on First American Civil War drum and bugle signals (as well as a few performances from specific groups who play this music at musters, or outdoor performances). “Tribe welcome rest of Civil War lions,” Jocko greeted in his usual broken English (although he was gradually getting more fluent at it). “First time visiting us?” “It is for me,” I said. “Did you have rough times fighting said war?” Jocko asked me. “Tribe grateful we live in this area all our history; never experienced it.” “There’s many mixed feelings I have about it, and not just because I was on the side that lost. In the end, it was for the better that we lost. All of us were punished for it and for all our sins afterwards in the form of the disasters happening during Reconstruction. They didn’t impeach Andrew Johnson for nothing.” “Can’t believe he escaped it by just one vote.” “I know; it’s mind-boggling.” ------------------------ It was nearly time for us to begin, but then the civilians had to take cover when gunshots rang out. “Oh, no; not again!” Clyde moaned. “Don’t those dumb raccoons ever call it quits?” “Who are they again?” Grayson asked, having never heard of the group of notorious outlaws. “They’re the Rocky Roaders,” said the Righteous Outlaw as he rode up on his trusty horse, prompting Jocko to mount his own horse. “They’re still trying to take over the town.” ------------------- And so began our first adventure in the modern Wild West, but not in the way we expected it. Now you can see why I parodied a famous movie title when I chose the title of this journal entry; it turned into a three-way battle, even though there were really two sides. You had the heroic icons coming to save the day, including all of us on top of the Outlaw, Nickelback Nathan and his posse, and the soldiers that make up “The Five:” General Victor Kravitz (a fox), Sgt. Jack Gronewolf (a jaguar despite the name; he plays the bugle just as Clyde does), and a lion, wolf, and bulldog soldier whose names we forget. (They’d rather be kept anonymous, though.) It was like your typical Western battle, except for the fact GVS is a modern-day town of about 5,000 people with modern things such as traffic lights, gas stations, restaurants, grocery stores, a cemetery, the banks, and sporting venues for those who play sports. (It doesn’t have ice hockey, however; it has roller hockey.) Still, it made for a wacky sight, because a select amount of the population still rides horses everywhere in the traditional sense, alongside the modern-day sights of people driving cars, so don’t be surprised if you visit the town and see somebody on horseback at an ATM or in the Taco Bell drive-through. “How often do they do this?” I asked as I grabbed my rifle and began to fire back in self-defense. It usually has blanks or just air (or another substitute) so that no one actually dies when I am doing a re-enactment of battles I’ve fought in. But this time, it actually had ammo in it, even though I wasn’t shooting to kill. I was instead trying the strategy that the Righteous Outlaw and Gunslinger Wolf used, which was shooting at inanimate objects, using them to impede the progress of the enemy. “I’m afraid too often,” said G.W. as he came into view. “I’ll never understand it. They don’t know when to quit.” ------------------ The battle felt like it was a real-life version of that infamous video game of the 1990s, “Lethal Enforcers II: Gunfighters,” due to the way the Rocky Roaders were attacking us. Yet there were no casualties whatsoever; no innocent lives were lost, and that was what was most important to us. (In the game, a player loses a life if they hurt an innocent bystander, just as they did in the original “Lethal Enforcers.” The point is to shoot the outlaws before they kill you.) The citizens wondered if they would have to call the other G-52s for backup, but since all parallels of Leo are G-52s, not allies, the organization was already there. Nevertheless, Cripto was flying home from a different mission, which was a triumphant victory for him. He had helped D.W. (Danger Woman) save a cruise ship from sinking when a terrorist that was once part of the now-defunct TBTC (Turn Back the Clock) mistook it for an AIRAF boat and fired at it. (The AIRAF and GSAF have their own civil war going between one another, but occasionally both of them experience attacks from an outside enemy.) Both Cripto’s and D.W.’s super-hearing picked up on the gunfire. “What’s all the ruckus?” she asked. Cripto used his X-ray vision to look at the scene. “The Rocky Roaders are at it again,” he said. “But it’s not just Clyde; the other Civil War parallels are down there, too. I think I’d better go down and help them.” “Good luck!” D.W. waved as the tiger of purity flew down to the scene and changed into his cowboy identity, Licky Nicky (which is named after a legendary tiger hero of GVS, who went by the nickname “Licorice Nicholas,” due to his love of licorice candies; Cripto uses the slang version, “Licky Nicky,” to help differentiate between him and the historical figure). Then as she flew on home, she said what she usually said: “Ugh! Don’t those dorks ever get tired of losing?” Cripto, now as Licky Nicky, appeared on the scene, but he didn’t draw his two six-shooters. He was busy trying to protect the citizens, especially if a Rocky Roader was going after them. He had to remind himself, however, that there were five raccoons that defected from the gang, calling themselves the Rocky Roader Rebels, each of which wore a cowboy hat numbered 1 to 5. The other raccoons didn’t have anything on their hats. ------------------ Soon we discovered why the raid was happening: the gang wanted to apprehend the rebels and lynch them to death. “That wouldn’t help anything,” Clyde commented as he apprehended one raccoon, who subsequently admitted the reasons for the plot. “Leo the Patriotic Lion is our President; one bill he signed into law made lynching a federal hate crime.” “Wouldn’t you be mad if one of your soldiers from back in the day turned traitor?” “I would, but treason doesn’t always result in death.” --------------------- Nicky (that’s Cripto as his cowboy self) then lassoed another outlaw who was trying to cause trouble on the main roads, and then thrusted him over to Sheriff Jackson; his gunshots were causing people to get flat tires and spin out. Amazingly, nobody crashed into each other, even though one car got agonizing close to another car, but the car behind stopped just inches before it could come in contact with the first car. The traffic lights at that intersection were in flash mode, however, and all four lights were red (instead of two being red and two being yellow). Nobody knew when to start, however, because the Rocky Roaders were impeding everybody’s progress. In the front car was Randy Travesa, another raccoon that had undergone a U-turn and was now serving the forces of good, although his days on the sides of evil still haunted his dreams. As of now, he still just worked the morning shift at McDonald’s, but he was now the breakfast shift manager, since the previous one had retired to focus on his second job: working at a cardboard factory. (The factory made cardboard boxes and printed labels and text on them that were subsequently used for supplies for fast food restaurants, so the man once joked that his two jobs were connected. He had been working two jobs just to make ends meet, but he then inherited over $5.5 million dollars from his rich uncle, who sadly died last year of leukemia, so he changed shifts at the factory to give Randy an opportunity to move on up.) In the back car, by sheer coincidence, were the previous manager and his family. “Oh, no; what a time for a breakdown!” he gasped. “Of course, those dang raccoons did this to us!” The local police then arrived to keep traffic flowing, and one tiger officer ran to the middle of the intersection and began directing traffic, although he only let one direction go at a time. This was so that two tow trucks could get to the other two cars safely, and pull them out of the way. Randy and the family then ran over to Nicky. “I forgot about you, Nicky,” he said. “I’m used to seeing you as your superhero self.” “Doing this taught me that I don’t have to use my superpowers for everything,” said Nicky. “Anyways, tell me what just happened over there.” “I think we both got a flat tire,” Randy replied. “But your car didn’t sound so good, Jim.” (Jim was Randy’s old boss.) “I was on my way to have it repaired,” said Jim. “How is that for irony? If it’s not the engine, it’s probably the motor mounts. I need a new car, anyways. This one’s on its last legs. I’ve driven this thing since 1994.” “Wow; it’s lasted you a long time.” “It has. Anyways, thank you for saving us.” “No problem.” --------------------- I know what you’re thinking; if we are the heroic and the Rocky Roaders are the stupid, then who is the good-looking? That would be Miss Jamie, who owns and operates the Tumbleweed Saloon. The Rocky Roaders were holding her hostage, too. In fact, they had her all tied up, bound and gagged, and she couldn’t speak a single word. The raccoons were planning to throw her into an old freight car and send it down the rails of the abandoned mine, Moonglow No. 2, in which Cripto, G.W., and W.W. (Wrangler Wolf) had come across the lost pirate treasures of Samson the Swashbuckler, an old enemy of Lennie the Buccaneer Lion. (The treasure is now on display at the local museum.) Note that she didn’t have her saloon open today because she was helping the town prep for our visit, which was very kind of her. (Her ancestors had actually traveled westward along with Clyde back in the day, and were among the first settlers of GVS.) “I don’t think they know about that video game,” Clyde said to me as the two of us rushed to free her, briefly telling me what “Lethal Enforcers 2: Gunfighters” was all about, “but in the final level of the game, there is a woman bound and gagged in the hideout. This is exactly what they’re doing to her.” --------------------- When we got to the scene, we worked hard to free Miss Jamie, but the Rocky Roaders were preventing us from going anywhere else. “You may have freed her, but now all of you are our prisoners!” they sneered as they grabbed us and shook us violently/ “Let us go, you idiots!” I roared, letting out an actual roar afterwards. “Rock-a-bye, losing soldier, on the tree top!” another one sang. “When the wind blows, the gray troops get shot!” Of course, I took that personally. (“Stonewall Jackson wouldn’t have tolerated this,” I thought. “Neither would Grant, Sherman, or even Pickett.”) --------------------- The G-52 app has been updated to detect certain dangers if another G-52 needs help, and because of this, Ulysses let Nicky know what was happening. Jim and his family went ahead and walked on home, since they didn’t live far, and they didn’t have many groceries to take home. Randy, however, joined our friends, because Super C had made him an ally to the G-52s. Our friends rushed to the scene as fast as they could. The resulting struggle did not turn into a gunfight, but rather, more of a street fight. “Chuck Norris, he ain’t,” a bystander said, noticing the martial arts Nicky was done, “but he could sure easily imitate that.” (He had been a regular viewer of that television show “Walker: Texas Ranger,” even in reruns.) “For what this was worth,” said another woman, “I’m glad they’re not after us.” Because all musician G-52s and allies share the same superpowers, one of which is to summon portals, Peter did so after another civilian called Super C and asked for extra help. Super C himself arrived to help calm things down, but then we could hear another horse neighing as it approached, with its rider charging to the rescue. “Wait; sorry. Who is that?” Randy asked in confusion. He had never seen the rider before. “It’s Wrangler Wolf!” the citizens cheered, and indeed, the heroic super strong cowboy wolf on the way to save the day. Using his super strength, he lassoed the entire horde of empty freight cars, all of which were too heavy for one person to carry. “He might be stronger than Crush,” Super C commented. “Some of my super strong heroes would have enough trouble just lifting one of those things.” Then he used them to form a perfect circle, trapping all the Rocky Roaders at once. (The rest of us found way to lure them all together at once.) Super C then helped me and William untie Miss Jamie. “What happened?” he asked. “All I was doing was taking my morning walk,” she sobbed. “I closed the saloon because of that special event all those lions were doing, and my employees have kids who were on their way to attend that for their history homework, so I gave them the day off. But then this happened!” The Rocky Roader Rebels also helped Miss Jamie get free and recover her balance. She had never met the rebels in person before, even though she tried to keep up with the news. “Wait; weren’t you once part of their gang?” she asked so that she would not confuse herself. “We were,” said Rebel #1 (the team lead), “but we were trying to be double agents all the time. In the end, it was a case of the boss raccoon forcing us to join the gang, or he would kill us, and we weren’t ready to die just yet. We now wonder if we should have let him kill us.” “That’s a hard choice, I know,” Super C replied, “but now you’re on our side, so I think you played it smart by letting them do this.” ------------------ The gang was too dehydrated to continue, so they surrendered as we threw them some water to drink before the police arrested them (again). The boss raccoon did manage to yell at the rebels, “I will kill you if it is the last thing I do!” “So much for your right to remain silent,” said Rebel #2. “You just gave it up!” Meanwhile, the civilians thanked us for our help in protecting them, as well as show their admiration for Wrangler Wolf. “Thank you so much, y’all!” he called, waving his hat before letting out a triumphant howl. “Citizens love you,” Jocko chuckled. “Might even have biggest fan club in town of all G-52s.” “Even more so than him?” W.W. asked, motioning to Nicky. “Well, my fans are simultaneously yours,” Nicky added. “They love you especially!” “Thanks to deeds like that, you’ve cemented your place as the third-most popular G-52 behind your friend here (at number two), and Leo the Patriotic Lion (at number one),” another civilian added. “You never cease to amaze us.” “It’s what I do, y’all!” W.W. cheered. ------------------- Later that day, the muster and educational lectures began, and the kids took good notes for their homework. “If you can read sheet music, we’ll also give you some of that,” I said as we passed it out. Some kids had some experience playing the instruments, and so we let them try playing some of the signals for themselves. “Ever wonder why you hear the same bugle call at sporting events, and then the crowd yells, ‘CHARGE!’?” Clyde commented. “Well, it was done here first.” Miss Jamie and the Rebels ate at the nearest Taco Bell, and while there, they answered all her questions about why they had no intentions of joining in the first place. Bully Dawggerson and the other bulldogs that were once the Dawggerson Gang (all of which had also made a U-turn for the better) helped with escorting the raccoons back to prison. In a cliché moment, they sneered, “We will return!” “Yeah; well, don’t forget to write!” Bully shot back. ------------------ The other heroes returned home and changed back to their normal selves. W.W., however, took the secret tunnels to the G-52 HQ to hide out just for a little while, because of the heat wave in his hometown of Pearland. (One of our more recent recruits, a sand cat who calls himself Sandstormer, also lives in that town, but he didn’t come to the HQ building.) “Thanks for your help; we appreciate it,” Cripto told him. “Thanks for summoning the portals for me, partner,” W.W. replied. “Also thanks for letting me come here for a while. It’s too hot back home, and my air conditioning system is broken. I haven’t had a chance to get that fixed yet.” “AC doesn’t work, huh?” said Super C. “I hate it when that happens, but you can’t take anything for granted.” “When my parents were kids, they had to open the windows because they didn’t have AC,” Cripto added. “Or heating, but that’s the opposite problem.” -------------- The musical program was a big success, and we spent a few more days in GVS and the surrounding areas as part of an extended vacation. We also graciously offered Jim and his family to let us pay the bills for his car because we felt sorry for him, and he said yes. ---------------- [color=white][b]THE END[/b][/color]