Callings -10:24pm-12/11/12- I really want to write more, but I'm so tired. I....want to sleep in his arms, knowing he loves me. I want to sleep with his warmth heating me to the bitter cold of the world. I want to sleep, feeling safe at last. I can feel him, mentally, though realization kicks in and I know he's not there. I want to actually touch him, and no longer feel the desolate loneliness night always brings for me. I am a wolf, and he is my moon. I howl at him, as I howl until my voice cracks, transitioning into a sob, then a weep, then an agonizing bellow of grief, that would leave my paws wet with my own tears, as my weary, blood red eyes stare at them, realizing that I've been crying for hours, howling, weeping, sobbing over and over again, as I chase something I could never reach. I'm chained to this ground... Despite me knowing that, I howled again. My throat was killing me, and making me choke on my own blood whenever I spoke. Again, I choked on the red, and painted the grass around me with a splatter of it, and vomited again to how bad it smelled. It didn't look any nicer. There goes my lunch. My sanity too. (Or have I lost that hours before?) My head felt dizzy as I wiped my bloody muzzle with my paw, as my gray fur was tainted that ugly color. The color I kept regurgitating. The color I kept seeing in my dreams. The color that gave me life, yet brought death with it as well. The color that reminded me of him.... ''Please....'' I think I said. The taste in my mouth made it difficult to speak, and the wails of agony that I couldn't stop making didn't help either. My paw, which was normally colored gray, but was now a dingy red, pointed to the moon of the same shade of gray. I fell as the smell of blood in the grass worsened, my sensitive nose now closer to it. Yet, because it reminded me of him, I didn't care how close it got. I've lost enough of it already....so, why bother? If death will bring me closer to him, then please....I beg of you....kill me. So, I howled again. More paint fell, as the moon looked red as well. ''Where are you?'' I thought. ''I.....I need you....'' ''I.....I love you.....'' What would my existence here coming to a halt matter anyway? It's not like he even cared... Then-God please-just-please- I let out the worst of all the whines I have heard myself make. Accompanied by more blood, my tears were the only thing I was drinking. It probably lasted more than a minute, who cares. No one does. Not me, not him, or god. If he did, why hasn't he saved me yet? No one cares. No one ever did, no one ever will. They, the others, they told me I was going to die anyway. ''Go to hell!'' ''You...you freak!'' ''Not even God loves you..'' ''Get the fuck out of my life!!'' ...Were among the things they said. Among those who said it were my ''parents''. They-no it-said it would disown me, yet I never thought I would have to disown them, in the end.... Love...what's that? That doesn't exist anymore.... Could I be delirious? Maybe, but it's not like It'd matter. Could I be insane? Possibly, but everyone else is too. Including me. -11:05pm-12/11/12- Could I be crazy? Well, of course. But I guess I was made to be. My only purpose was to be rejected and to nothing more than a sponge for everyone else's hate. I foolishly followed....like a slave. The simile could make sense, considering the cruel fact of the way I was treated by ''others''. Shut up. I don't feel like referring to them as even people. Or, am I the only thing that isn't a person? I'm too different to even be considered real. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. Why? Why can't I find anyone else like me? Perhaps I'm too unnatural. Perhaps I'm too much of a freak. Oh, wait. That's already been confirmed. I am....and always will be. Nothing less, nothing more. Perhaps I'm just that. Nothing. That's why they ignored me. And when they did notice me, they treated me like I was nothing but crap to them. Because that's all I deserved. I was considered immoral, after all. So, the only logical thing would be for them to treat me based on who I was. I was nothing. I am nothing. And, it looks like I'll die as nothing. Simple as that. I guess I'll just go to sleep, with nothing next to me, because I deserve nothing, because I am nothing. Simple as that. He....he used to lie next to me. He doesn't anymore. I'm nothing to him now. So, why do I love him? I loved him because he noticed. And cared. He thought I was normal. Yet, he knew I wasn't. I guess he never took it into consideration....I guess he never even cared.... I guess...he'll never forgive me for saying, ''I love you,'' to him. I guess....he'll never realize that I saw him as ''perfect''. He is, and always will be, because I loved him, even though he isn't here... He...everyone...got as far away from me as possible. Just so they could keep living. Like I was a disease. I feel funny. My eyesight's going black...I can see him again. The German Shepherd....with glasses....there, in the moon... Oh, wait. That's what I've been seeing all this time. Nevermind. Forget me, please. Stop. Stop! Stop!! You, don't need me...you never will...so just save yourself the trouble of having to deal with a lonesome, depressed wolf... Lying on a grassy hill, looking for his lover in the moon. The crazy wolf lying, dying, and crying. Lying on a red patch of grass. Dying just as fast as he expected-quickly. Crying, so much that he'd probably die of dehydration. You don't need to bother... Pain...without love.... Tear me apart....tear me apart from you. Where is your heart? Where has your heart gone to?... So....please. I'm dying. Please....just leave me alone. Oh wait... That's already happened.... ...... ...... ...... end