Being Alex

Thin crepuscular rays pierced the thick cloud cover, pinholes of light in the thick, gray blanket slowly billowing over the Oakwand University campus. As with any centuries old estate, the buildings were a time capsule from when they were built; gothic libraries and lecture halls across a floral quadrangle from victorian residence halls and staff offices, and speckled throughout were neoclassical service buildings and food service stalls. One of the more modern structures, nestled snuggly in the northwest corner of the campus within a thin copse of ancient trees, was the Oakwand Medical Clinic. Though small compared to the other buildings on campus, it was no less necessary for the day-to-day operation of the school and surrounding area.
Originally built to aid university students with enchantments gone wrong, curses gone right, and miscellaneous magical mishaps, the clinic very quickly found an expanded clientele in the surrounding town, with daily cases coming in from the local primary schools. Initially an unplanned burden, the faculty quickly built a residency program for senior students and recent graduates to aid with staffing issues. Oakwand Urgent Care quickly became a well-regarded source of quality treatment and friendly staff, leading to a daily flow of a variety of patients, young and old.
The clinic was relatively busy for a Wednesday. Though nowhere near full, the dozen or so patients awaiting care were more than the usual midweek morning. Several younger kids fidgeted as they waited; one curled against a parent, a small burst of green flame erupting from their mouth with each dry cough, another showing off his inky black eyes to a third patient, a young girl whose hair spun in a slow cyclone around her head.
The older students were the ones struck with more severe maladies, the result of poor study and execution of their lessons or pranks pulled by playful peers. A man in his early twenties sat in a corner, away from the sunlight, massaging away a hangover and sporting a pair of tall, brown-furred donkey ears. Another university student had her arm in a sturdy sling, the limb petrified from the elbow down.
Amongst the patients sat a particular youth, shrouded in an oversized cotton robe and flanked on either side by a worried parent. The mom leaned in and whispered her comforts as she rubbed her child’s back in maternal reassurance. The father held the teen’s hand, patting softly, causing the teen’s chain bracelet to jingle softly.
A nurse stood up from the slightly cambered nurses station desk and called out to the room, “Alexandria.” As she spoke, she waved a wand, a swirl of bluish smoke curling and bending to spell the name above her head. Without pause, she read the name a second time, “Alexandria, the staff will see you now.”
The cloaked teen shuddered as their name was called. The parents quickly rose to their feet and helped their cloaked child up, careful to avoid jostling the heavy cloth obscuring their form. The mom waved to the nurse as they crossed the waiting area and followed her down the hall to one of the exam rooms. The enshrouded teen quickly hopped up on the exam table, pulling the cloak close around their form as they watched the nurse leave and their parents situate themselves, with their dad taking one of the remaining seats while their mom leaned nervously against the wall near her offspring.
They waited less than a minute before the resident doctor entered the exam room, her appearance drawing the mom to an upright position as soft gasp escaped her tense lips.
Though dressed in the uniform light-blue cotton robes of the medical staff, the young woman’s accessories added a distinct flare to her appearance; bracelets of colorful, animate stones rotated slowly around her wrists, a deep green jade collar adorned her neck, and her bright red hair was styled into an asymmetrical undercut, with the exposed ear pulled to a vulpine point, thick red fur giving way to deep black at the tip.
The graduate glanced at her clipboard as she tapped the side absently with her pure lapis wand, “So, Alexandria, what seems to be the trouble today?”
The cloaked teen mumbled inaudibly, shifting their weight nervously.
“Just look at her,” the mom spoke up as she stepped closer to her child, “look what some miscreant did to my little girl.”
The doctor positioned herself in front of the teen as they nervously pulled back their hood.
Alexandria had a youthful face, with short blond hair, slightly longer on top than on the sides, with a soft peach fuzz on their cheeks and a firm jaw. 
A rather normal appearance for a teenage boy.
The doctor glanced at the parents and nodded, “I see.” She waved a stool to her and sat next to her patient, “you want to tell me how this happened, Alexandria?”
The teen spoke, “Alex is fine.”
The father spoke up with practiced firmness, “It’s not a long name, you don’t need to shorten it for people.”
“I,” the teen sighed, “I prefer Alex.”
“You were named after your great aunt, you should take pride in your name. It’s not a lot to ask other people to respect it.”
Alex’ shoulders went slack, “I know.”
The doctor spoke up, “Well, Alex,” she ignored a forced cough from the father, “I’m Doctor Danaher, but you can call me Lily if you prefer. You wanna tell me what happened?”
The mom interjected, “Isn’t it obvious? My baby is getting bullied. This is the third time this has happened, and they’re getting more violent every time.”
Lily’s eyes shot back to her clipboard, “Third time? I don’t have any previous visits on record.”
The father stood up, “We were able to resolve it at home the first two times.” He shifted his shoulders before clarifying, “Well, the first time it wore off overnight.”
“And when was that?”
“About two months ago, one of her classmates hexed her.”
Lily turned to Alex, “A hex? Do you recall what kind?”
Alex mumbled and shook their head, “N, not really, it was, it was really sudden.”
The doctor waved her wand, the form on her clipboard recording the information, “You don’t remember anything about it?”
The mom sighed, “That’s what she said.”
Unphased, Lily continued, “And then the second time? When did that happen?”
Alex lifted their gaze to hers, “A, a few weeks ago.”
“And I take it that one lasted a bit longer?”
The father nodded, “When it didn’t wear off overnight, we ran through our usual first aid routine, and that fortunately cleared it up.”
Lily nodded, “And was that by the same person or a different student?”
Alex shifted their weight, “It was a different student.”
“And do you remember anything about that hex? Was it a long incantation or a short one?”
“I, I don’t,” the teen turned their gaze to the window, “I’m not sure.”
The doctor jotted down a few more notes, “And then this most recent incident? When did it happen?”
“She woke up like that a couple days ago,” the mom explained, “I found her in the bathroom when she didn’t come down to breakfast. She was horrified, just staring at herself in the mirror in shock,” she wrang her hands as she took a deep breath, “my little princess doesn’t deserve any of this.”
“You woke up like this? Delayed hexes are usually above your year, but it could be a triggered hex, those are a bit easier. Did you say or do anything odd before bed or when you woke up in the morning?”
Alex’ shoulders pulled back, “Not that I know of, no.”
“Do you recall anyone in your class casting a hex that didn’t seem to do have an effect? Did you eat or drink anything odd that day?”
Alex shifted wordlessly as their gaze dropped from the window.
“Stop badgering my daughter and just remove the hex. The school can figure out who’s picking on her.”
Lily stared at the mom for a moment before turning back to her patient, “Okay, can you remove the robe for me?”
The teen shifted their weight back and forth as they shrugged off the heavy garment, revealing a boyish form that matched their face. Beneath the robe, they wore a loose-fitting baseball t-shirt and a pair of cargo pants. Lily moved the robe further up the exam table as she motioned Alex to their feet.
“Are these your normal clothes?”
The mom once again interjected, “Certainly not, Alexandria prefers to dress properly, but we had to make do with what we had on hand.”
Lily nodded, looking at her clipboard, “So these are a sibling’s things?”
Alex shook their head, “N, no. I don’t have any siblings, they’re a,” they sighed, “a friend’s brother’s things.”
Lily chuckled, “Fortunate they’re the same size you are.”
The doctor met Alex’ gaze and held up her wand, “Okay, Alex, just relax while I get a sense for what we’re dealing with. This might tickle a little, but that’s just me tapping into your aura to see what’s going on.”
The teen nodded and stood silently as the doctor moved the wand down one side of Alex’ frame, then the other. She stepped back, tapping the clipboard, vulpine ear twitching as she took down notes.
“Well,” the father spoke up, “what is it? You can remove it, surely?”
Lily nodded, “I believe so, but if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to speak with Alex alone, if I may.”
The mom stepped to her child, arm around their shoulder, “What, pray tell, must you speak to our daughter about without us present?” Her gaze turned to Alex, “is there something she’s not telling us? Is it worse than we thought?”
The doctor shook her head softly, “Oh no, nothing like that, I just have a few questions for Alex that I’d prefer to ask privately.”
Alex’ parents looked from Lily to their child.
“It, it’s okay with me.”
With a soft kiss to Alex’ temple, their mom rubbed their back softly and stepped back. The pair moved silently passed Lily and out of the exam room. The doctor waited a few seconds after the door closed before stepping back in front of her patient.
“So, Alex, is there anything you want to tell me? Something you may not have mentioned in front of your parents for one reason or another?”
The teen slipped their hands in their pockets and bit their lip, then shook their head, “N, no, nothing.”
Lily nodded, “Great. So, it seems your aura is in a tense knot, like you’re holding something back.”
Alex shifted their weight from one foot to the other.
“I mean, since there’s nothing going on, there’s no harm in releasing it,” Lily held up her wand, “it’d only be a problem if you were, or had been, maintaining an enchantment, but since that’s not the case,” she flicked her wand.
“Wait.”
Lily pulled her wand back. After a few seconds of silence, she motioned to the exam table, “Want to have a seat and tell me about it?”
Alex looked back and then at Lily, “Y, you promise not to tell my parents?”
Lily smiled warmly and reassuringly held Alex’ arm, “Anything you say is strictly confidential.”
The teen sat down, shoulders going slack as they spoke, “It, it wasn’t a hex.”
Lily’s stool silently scooted under her as she sat down, “Never? All three times?”
“Well,” Alex sighed, “well, the first time, it kinda was. Sorta.”
Lily sat silently as Alex took a deep breath, “It was Sarah who did it, but it was a joke the first time. It was just after school, we were in the bathroom and talking about the upcoming Spring Dance, and she mentioned needing to find a date.”
Alex lifted their head to look at Lily briefly before turning to the window again, “I told her she’d have to summon one out of thin air, and, well,” the teen laughed nervously, “she, she didn’t think it was so funny.”
Lily tapped her wand to her clipboard, “So Sarah hexed you to,” the doctor raised her hands in air quotes as the wand continued writing, “be her boyfriend.”
Alex chuckled, “Y, yeah, but only as a joke, she didn’t plan for it to last more than a minute. You know, just to surprise me a little, payback for my comment is all.”
“So what happened?”
Alex tensed up as red flowed through their cheeks, “I, well, Sarah turned me towards the mirror, to, to get my reaction to seeing what she’d done, b, but, but I didn’t. I wasn’t, it was,” Alex trailed off.
Lily scooted closer and patted her patient’s hand reassuringly, “It’s okay. Just relax, take a deep breath, there’s no rush.”
Alex nodded, closing their eyes and inhaling slowly before exhaling, “I liked it.”
Lily patted Alex’ hand again.
“I, I was surprised for sure, but I,” he opened his eyes, “I thought, well, I didn’t think I was cute, like, a cute boy,” he crossed and uncrossed his ankles, “I just, I liked how I looked. It felt, it felt right.”
“And then what happened?”
Alex met the doctor’s gaze, “Well, Sarah was gonna undo the hex, like I said, but, but I told her to wait,” Alex drummed his knees nervously, “I, I didn’t really wanna change back, at least,” the blush in his cheeks deepened, “at least not right away. I thought, maybe just another minute or two, just, just to feel it out and, I don’t know, get it out of my system or something. Let the feelings run their course. But then someone walked in. I don’t even remember who it was, but she started screaming about a boy in the girls’ bathroom and ran off to get a teacher. Sarah tried to remove the hex, but she was freaking out and couldn’t remember the counter-hex. Before we knew it, there was a teacher there, hauling me to the office. I didn’t wanna get Sarah in trouble, so, so I told them it was a prank.”
“And that’s how your parents found out?”
“Yeah,” Alex sighed, running his hands down his thighs, “and like you said, hexes at our age aren’t so powerful, so that night, while I was sitting on the couch with mom and dad, everything just kinda,” he waved his hands over his body, “popped back into place.”
Lily scribbled some notes on her clipboard, “So, when you told me the second time was a different student,” the doctor trailed off.
“It was me,” the young man bit his lip, “I asked Sarah to teach me the hex. I told her I wanted to use it on another student, which, you know,” he chuckled nervously, “wasn’t exactly a lie.”
The doctor nodded softly and smiled warmly.
“I, I used on myself a few times, actually, before mom and dad found out. They go out a couple nights a week, so I was able to, um, practice, a bit.”
“You know it’s unsafe to hex yourself, Alex.”
“I know,” he pouted, “b, but, who else could I ask about it? I didn’t want to get Sarah in trouble, or ask her to keep a secret like that for me. What choice did I have?”
Doctor Danaher nodded silently.
Alex cast his gaze downward, “I, I didn’t borrow these clothes, either. I bought them. I wasn’t going to. I was just going to test some stuff out. I took some things into a changing room and, well,” he chuckled again, “I changed.”
He raised his sight to the doctor, “That was when, when I realized that I, I didn’t want to go back. There, in the dressing room at Otto’s Outfitters,” he choked slightly, “looking at myself,” his breath caught, “looking at myself, in, in a sleeveless hoodie and cargo pants, that’s how I’m supposed to look.”
He took a deep breath and straightened up, “So I, I bought a bunch of things. I levitated them up to my room from outside so mom and dad wouldn’t see, and then I hid them and only took them out when they were away.”
Lily looked up from her clipboard, “Then your parents found out.”
Alex nodded, “They got home early one night. I tried to cancel the hex as I usually did, b, but it, it didn’t work. It hurt, actually, like every muscle in my body was sore.”
The doctor scribbled a few more notes then nodded for the boy to continue.
“I hid my clothes and jumped into bed. When mom came in, I told her I wasn’t feeling great and went to bed early. I, I don’t know if she noticed my voice was different or thought that was a symptom of whatever I had, but she wished me goodnight and left. I thought the hex would wear off by morning, like it had before, but when I woke up, I, I was still a boy.”
“Form knotting.”
Alex looked at the doctor in confusion.
“Think of it like a cramp for shapeshifting. It’s why your aura is so tense right now, you’re a student and you’ve basically exhausted your well of energies to the point of breaking. You’re rather lucky you just wound up locked in one form. Severe cases can cause chaotic shifting or even disintegration.
Alex choked on a scream.
Lily nodded, “This is why we don’t hex ourselves, Alex.”
Alex nodded, shoulders slumping, “So, y, you’re gonna change me back, huh?”
Lily smiled, “Well, here’s the thing,” she scooted closer to the distraught young man, “you’re going about this all wrong. Hexing yourself like this is just a facade, an illusion that’s costly to maintain. You’ll burn yourself out maintaining it. You nearly already have.”
Alex choked, tears in his eyes.
“Hey,” the doctor put her hand on his, “I said you’re doing this wrong, not that it can’t be done. I’ll give you a card for an Alterationist who specializes in permanent transmogrification,” Lily kicked away from the exam table and over to a rolodex on the counter. The device popped open and flipped through cards before springing a blue and gold card into her hands as she did a half-circle turn and kicked back to the boy.
Alex took the card, still downcast, “I, I have to tell my parents, don’t I?”
Lily nodded, “I’m afraid so, there’s some pretty intense work ahead, and it’s not something we can or should hide from them.”
Alex sighed in defeat, “They won’t let me do it.”
“What makes you say that?”
Alex gaze shot to hers, “You heard how they talked. Mom calls me her little princess, and dad, dad won’t even let me have a nickname, much less change my name completely. I’m named after my great aunt and all. They flipped when they saw me like this, they’ll go ballistic when I tell them I want to stay this way.”
“Hey,” Lily spoke softly but firmly, “they went ballistic because they thought their child was being repeatedly bullied by classmates. They think you’re being forced to be a boy against your will. Do you really think they’ll want to keep you a girl against it?”
Alex glanced out the window, “I, I don’t know. I mean, I know they love me, but like, they love Alexandria,” he tensed slightly as he said it, “their little princess who likes pretty things.”
“You can still like pretty things you know.”
Alex chuckled nervously, “I, I know, and maybe that’ll be enough to make them happy.”
Lily leaned into his view, “Hey, it’s not about them being happy, it’s about you being happy, don’t forget that.”
Alex nodded softly, “Right.”
“If you don’t want to talk to them alone, I’ll be right here with you. I can go over the procedures with all three of you, if you think that would go better.”
Alex nodded again.
“Alright,” Lily prepared her wand, “if you’re ready, I’ll relax your hex.”
Alex took a deep breath, looking down his body before closing his eyes and giving the go ahead.
A ripple of energy flowed through him, followed by a wash of relaxation, like his entire body was unclenching all at once. He tensed as hair draped over his shoulders, an uncomfortably familiar weight that cascaded down his chest and back. He sniffled slightly as his body shifted, shirt and pants pulling tighter in places as his form reverted to that of a teen girl.
He opened his eyes, but kept his gaze on Lily as she smiled comfortingly. With another nod from him, she walked to the door and called his parents back in. His mom jumped joyfully, hands to her cheeks, as she saw her little princess restored. Dad walked over, a huge smile on his face, and wrapped his arm around Alex, pulling him into a hug.
After a few seconds of reassuring hugs and kisses, Lily got their attention and asked them to sit down.
Alex felt his heart tense and tears fill his eyes as the doctor spoke. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen from here on, or how his parents would feel about the direction he wanted his life to go, but he knew what he wanted.
He wanted to be himself.