[color=aqua][b][u]Irreversible Body Chemistry Alterations[/u][/b][/color] ----------- Leo the Patriotic Lion here again. I have important news to share with you, so pray hard that I can do so without violating any policies, okay? Thank you. Here goes. ------------ My French counterpart, Leonce the Romantic Lion, is overall very pleased with how the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris turned out; he feels he may have worried over nothing. In the end, the U.S. were the grand prize winners of the Olympics. In other words, we can brag that we had the best records, because we were the ones hosting the victory parties for our athletes. No nation truly "wins" the Olympics, per se, but the G-52s and their allies proposed a tradition about the Olympics that is as follows: whichever country has the most gold wins the grand prize of hosting the victory parties that we sometimes attend, to which all nations' athletes are cordially invited. Tons of marching bands would fulfill their duties at these parties as well, because the Commander (Super C) made a declaration that all the documented animals that were once human beings (until CNG got them) and placed in the C.I.D.F.'s records automatically qualify as allies to the G-52s. [b]NOTE:[/b] if there is a tie for gold, then whichever nation won more silver medals wins the grand prize. If that's tied, we go the bronze medal count. Still a tie? The grand total determines the winner? In the rare case that the grand total ends in a tie, then we'll hold a special game in one specific event (usually one of the ball team sports), and whoever wins that game then wins the honor of hosting the victory parties. For the 2022 Olympic Winter Games, the grand prize winner was Norway, but for this Olympics in 2024, it was the USA. The land of the free, and the home of the brave! We do have the Paralympics coming up, though, but we've also got a separate Olympic Games for the athletes of the animal kingdom coming up as well. In that Olympic Games, however, the following differences should be noted: unlike the humans, Russia and China have no athletes competing whatsoever, a decision the athletes made in response to all the doping scandals. They cannot take back what they did or said, and many said they did regret this decision, but it's already solidified. They will be allowed, however, to attend the Games in person as V.I.P. guests, because they played key roles in exposing the dopers. This will allow the other countries, however, to achieve medals in sports they usually don't do well in, or even qualify for; for example, the Chinese furry athletes, like their human counterparts, have a history of dominating the diving events and table tennis events, but since we have no Chinese athletes, other countries will more than likely win the first ever medals in table tennis. Canada, by contrast, has only its men's and women's soccer teams voluntarily forfeiting their games in the Olympics, and not the whole country. They can't reverse this decision either, so they spent a whole day holding a press conference apologizing for overreacting, just as my major Canadian counterpart, Levi the Mountee Lion, had done when responding to the drone scandal. (This was when he declared Machias Seal Island would be in possession of the U.S. for all eternity, ending the Olympic traditions of giving temporary control to whichever nation won more gold medals.) When holding the conference, however, they made it clear to everybody that Levi's actions had nothing to do with it. It was all because of the drone scandal and only the drone scandal. Now there are rumors going around that they are also boycotting the 2026 FIFA World Cup and the 2028 Olympic Games in L.A., but that's not been confirmed to be true or false, so don't believe a word you hear, folks. Got it? Good. ----------- However, that's not really what I am here to report. I am instead here to announce a few more things that the C.I.D.F., our sister organization to the G-52s, have asked me to report. The trouble is that we cannot really do this without mentioning Levi, because the Commander now has a "we don't talk about Levi" policy in effect, similar to the "we don't talk about Lennart" policy. Hopefully, this isn't going to get me into trouble saying this stuff, then, but everything you hear come out of my mouth is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The Commander's original demerits linked to Levi's fines was to go 90 days on probation, and that he was not to leave the Greenlandic White House of Shame until the end of the post-Olympic celebrations regarding the human athletes. While there, he got a confirmation from the organization of Zanta, the white kitten, known as the D-19 (of which Cripto is one of the seven chosen princes of heart and a light agent at the royalty ranking, serving in their B-faction). This is where he learned he would undergo the same type of anger management therapy and acceptance training that I did, and Leonid (my Russian counterpart), Leonce, and Lennart (my Swedish counterpart) also took these courses after the embarrassing meltdowns they had. It just had to be customized, accounting for the fact that Levi really lost his temper just once, and CNG was found to have been controlling him like a puppet, just as it was with the rest of us when we had all those embarrassing meltdowns of our own. This is why all high courts, including our Supreme Court and the ICC (International Criminal Court), announced that the nations of the world should exonerate any and all G-52s of any wrongdoings if it was a case of CNG controlling us like puppets. In Levi's case, he was exonerated for blowing up at Parliament over those photos of Justin Trudeau (whom he has since reconciled with), but not for his act of handing us control of the island without consulting with the Parliament first. However, nobody could give a valid reason as to whether that was even worthy of impeachment; all it did was illustrate how what comes out of the mouth of me or any parallel of mine is treated as absolute law, because everybody is so sore afraid of what will happen to them if they disobey us. This is scary; it has been elevated to a superpower. The Commander, please note, identified Levi's actions as abuse of the superpowers, and so he went ahead and gave the fines and demerits as proposed. However, the D-19 found out that Levi had reached the 50% threshold mark in the perilous journey towards becoming a heartless, which is miraculously surprisingly, considering that I, when I was doing all the bellowing back in the day, had reached an even worse level: 60%. (They say I am down to about 22% now; it will never hit zero because only the princes of heart, one of which, as we mentioned, is Cripto, have pure hearts. 10%, though, is an ideal target. It won't hurt me if it gets down there.) As a result, they went ahead and summoned Levi there, leading him to leave the house way ahead of schedule. Now Levi did do his duty and tell the C.I.D.F. soldiers (as well as the Commander, me, and my other parallels) that he was needed in Eterna, and we gave him the go-ahead to leave. When he left, however, a blinding flash occurred, encompassing virtually the whole planet, accompanied by an explosion sound that scared and scarred the globe for life. What did this represent? The true end of IC2, or "Invisible CNG 2.0." That's what. When CNG ceased to exist, it also resulted in a blinding flash and explosive sound. Why mention this, though? Well, when the flash and explosion sound happened, Levi's disappearance was caught on camera, and the supernatural force, with its dying breath (for lack of a better way to put it), leaked it to the news media, because Levi was outdoors when it happened talking to a C.I.D.F. soldier (although that conversation was muted), letting him know he was to be summoned to Eterna. As a result, the headlines read that he vanished without a trace, and everybody thinks he died. As another result, he has (unfairly, given the circumstances) been ousted from office, leaving Rainier Belrose, the very raccoon who saved his life, as acting Prime Minister until the next election. (With a bit of a discussion, however, our Canadian friends agreed that my other parallel, Lyon the Northern Lion, was the best choice to run for the office against any human candidates and/or other furry candidates that desired to try. Lyon tackles everything with a calm and rational mind, and prefers to let his music do the talking; like me, he is a percussionist that always plays in uniform, and being Canadian, his uniform's shako has a silver maple leaf on it. The people take him more seriously than they ever took Levi.) ---------- But what was the other result of this blinding flash? It resulted in more circumstances that prove the aftereffects of both CNG and IC2 really will take tens of thousands of years to wear off (assuming the Lord lets the Earth live that long; no one will ever know when the Second Coming of Jesus Christ will happen), meaning we will never truly be free of this supernatural curse, proving that all really have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. "It really did start," said the pastor of Cripto's family's church, "when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit. There was just no way to determine just how powerful it was going to become, but we must not forget the end of the story is a happy one: God wins. The only explanation I can give, therefore, is that this is how God is punishing humanity for his sins, by taking His hands of protection off and letting them believe the lies, and get tortured as a result by this IC2 stuff that succeeded CNG. As a result, we still have the cases of our President literally controlling the universe with his mouth (and his parallels do likewise), so pray hard that they bite their tongues." IC2 really died because it put all of its time and energy into mentally and physically torturing Levi, having decided that its predecessor was wrong about humans, that animals were dumber than humans, and the dumbest of them all was Levi. That is not true. The dumbest of the dumbest animals out there belong to the GSAF. You know this, ladies and gentlemen. There is a reason I declared them world public enemy number two. (Number one is the AIRAF, while number three is the F5 Terror Force, a group of supervillains; both these groups have their own beef going with the GSAF right now.) When IC2 died, however, it managed to sneak in one last action, and that was this: it managed to alter everybody's body chemistry one more time. While it wasn't as powerful as CNG, it still was something we could not take for granted. Now what it has done is truly irreversible, but thankfully, it woke up the world, and we came up solutions to deal with these issues. That's really where I was going with this announcement. --------- The first major change we noticed regarded the DCI-themed recruits that the public deemed as Corps Coon's disciples, and they are Boomer Wolf, Bugler Bear, Sir Beat-a-Lot, Hustler Husky, Snare Serval, Captain Contrabass, Clasher Cat, the Cadet of Chivalry, Mellow Mouse, Commander Cascade, Chivalric Cavalier, Horn Horse, Rambling Rumbler, Bugler Beagle, Surfer Gator, Corps Scout, Elemental Euphoniumist, Howlin' Hornologist, Marvelous Marcher, Crasher Cat, Parade Phantom, Patriotic Pioneer, Justice Musician, Vicious Vindicator, Horn Hawk, and Trooper Tiger. Originally, CNG had given them the same money powers as the other four Money Moguls, which are Cripto, Quiz King, Lotto Lion, and Cash Cat. Then it decided it would take it away from them, seeing as how they didn't really have any interest in pinball, at least not to the degree that Cripto did (because he is a pinball collector). But now, they have them again, and they are stuck with it, so Cripto got the green light to create money switches for each of the DCI recruits (including Corps Coon). Super C then gave them the same advice he had given Cripto, and each one agreed, although for them, it wouldn't be a problem, since pinball wasn't their main forte. Bugler Beagle was really the one of the group that had a talent for pinball that rivaled Cripto's amazing abilities, and thanks to the fact the 90s table "Jack*Bot," which he considers to be his signature table, gets into the millions and billions fast, earning the one dollar per point from the days he had those powers originally easily made him a billionaire. It scared him and his family, though, when he first discovered this, but he has shown excellent self-control ever since. Now their money powers are only active when they have the money switch on. At a meeting in Cripto's basement, each of the recruits learned how to use them, and how it didn't just apply to pinball. "If you're playing a video game that is an adaptation of a TV game show, or a different video game where the scores are kept in dollars, then you'll find the exact amount deposited into your accounts just as you would with the pinball totals," Cripto explained. He then brought up an old version of "Wheel of Fortune" on his laptop using the DOSBox Emulator, set his laptop setting to duplicate (so that the TV showed the same thing his monitor did), got his detachable keyboard set up, and had the recruits play a few games. After each game, each one that won something (and a few finished on zero) saw that their accounts received magic deposits equal to the amount "won," just as the pinball machines did. "Suppose we're playing 'The Price is Right' and the prize is a car. What happens then?" Corps Scout asked. "Your accounts will show a cash amount equal to the price of the car," Cripto explained. "You don't actually get the car." "I see." ----------- The second major change affected me and my parallels for the most part, but the C.I.D.F. are helping the Commander investigate to see if it got to him or someone else as well. The change is this: anytime me or one of my parallels is asked to learn a new skill or task, we can pick it up easily, and we'll be professionals at it in as little as a week or two. In the case of Levi, since he was punished with having to be a circus clown for two weeks, with the bulk of the acts being the humiliating pies in the face and being doused with water, the other clowns in the troupe decided to teach him how to juggle and ride a unicycle, and then do both at the same time. "You're a natural at this!" they said. "I didn't know I had it in me either," Levi replied as he continued juggling. ----------- The third major change to our body chemistry, however, is the scariest. Better brace yourselves. Are you ready? Okay, here it is, and this is crazy. What is it, you ask? Well, quite simply, my "army" (me and my parallels) are no longer the only ones with the phenomenon going for them, where whatever comes out of our mouths is treated is the absolute law, because the world is so afraid of what will happen to them if they disobey us. Now it's spreading like a virus, and now every single G-52 and ally (including, but not limited to, the UN1024s, the canon characters of "Cripto's army," and all those documented animals in the C.I.D.F. documentation projects) has that ability. This is why the Commander called a meeting in the G-52 HQ building, after he sought counsel from those he reported to in Eterna (because he takes refresher courses from them on how to be a better leader). While the "we don't talk about Levi" policy was in effect, this was an exception because the Commander couldn't make the announcement properly without mentioning Levi. "This is resulting in me abruptly editing the Code of Conduct's policies so that we will have to be a lot stricter if somebody makes a blunder just as Levi did when he gave us everlasting control of the island," the Cat of Steel announced. "All of us will really have to bite our tongues now." "I do confess," Cripto replied, "I'm tempted to have a freakout myself, but I won't. If there's too many of us having this superpower, then I fear somebody will say something bad about social media, for example, and hey, presto; it disappears forever!" "That unhappy thought did cross my mind," Super C nodded. "I want all of us to hold each other accountable for this, especially Levi, because he's done this the most times, no doubt. However, it does mean that I am having to make this other update to the policies. The 'three strikes and you're out' rule is still in effect, and excommunication still has the $250,000 fine, as well as your departure being accompanied by that ugly song. Do they still use that, by the way?" "Only with written consent, I was told," Leo replied. "Otherwise, the last time the U.S. military used the 'Rogue's March,' the song in question, was 1962. It's only appropriate the Drumbums are the ones that reintroduced the concept of literally being drummed out of the army, and thus, they suggested that they use it if you were to give somebody the boot. And Levi got really close." "Indeed he did, but the good news is that he is improving. When he arrived in the kitten's world, his health took a turn for the worse at the moment IC2 died, and he almost fell into a coma. Let's all be thankful that didn't happen, but it did leave a permanent scar on him." "Oh, no kidding," said D.W. "Anyway, here is the other update. It used to be that while I let the others erase the strikes from the records every six months, provided they go the full six without blowing it, I didn't erase the strikes from you and your parallels, Leo, because I had held you to a higher standard, which is why when I began the strike system, you had one strike in total from the bellowing (triggered in 2016 from that Mongolian wrestling match that went horribly wrong), Leonid had one (from blowing up at the dopers), Leonce had one (from blowing up at his people for throwing food at Emmanuel Macron, as well as the times he decided to confront Macron himself), and Levi had two strikes (one for the suspension of Parliament over those photos, and another for handing us permanent control of the island over something that wasn't that drastic). Well, how embarrassing it was for me to forget that the high courts of this world exonerated you all from any wrongdoings related to CNG controlling you like puppets, because that is exactly what it did in almost all of those cases. As a result, I changed the policy to allow you lions to have the pleasure of restoring yourselves to a clean slate as well, erasing any strikes resulting from those meltdowns since you've obviously behaved yourselves longer than six months." "We're glad to hear that, Commander," Leo replied. "So what does that mean for Levi?" "He's got just the one strike on his record. Now there are more severe offenses that result in instant excommunication, but nobody has ever done anything even close to that. Not even Levi." "That's a relief. Now let's concentrate on all the good things he did if and when it is appropriate to talk about him." "I second the notion," said Cloaker Cat. "I third it," Grease added. "And I fourth," said Cripto. "Then it is official," Super C confirmed. "Thanks, everybody. Meeting adjourned." "And don't worry; I'll get over the fear," Cripto promised. ---------------- While the phenomenon now applies to all of us, the ones from whom the world sees it the most are still me and my parallels. The latest case of that came from the controversy over the bronze medal that American gymnast Jordan Chiles had initially won, only for it to get taken away from her and get sent back to the Romanian gymnast that had originally won it. Notably, the Romanian coach did ask why they couldn't just give both women a bronze medal, but the authorities wouldn't have it. Social media blew up as a result, and Chiles announced she was taking a break from social media to focus on her mental health. However, the case went back and forth until everybody got tired of arguing, and a Romanian citizen said, "This all could have been avoided if you had just consulted Liviu about it." Liviu the Dark Lion, my counterpart from that country, was the one in charge of it, and so when they asked him about it, he said, "Do as the coach suggested; give both ladies a bronze medal and be done with it!" He left it at that so that he wouldn't risk getting any demerits or fines himself, and he made sure to watch his tone of voice, because tone of voice can also trigger the buzzers on the app, leading to demerits and fines. Because it was Liviu, however, the humans made assumptions about what he was going to do next, which bothered him (and this is also what bothers me), and so they didn't just give both women the bronze medal (as well as a third competitor who was also cheated according to the scoring errors). They fired all the judges that were guilty of that scoring controversy. Also, all the social media platforms (except YouTube) were deleting and erasing all accounts found to have hateful comments of all types, most of which either aimed at Levi or at Chiles (or others). ------------- "It's not a question if we regress backwards as the old Leo wanted," one British man wrote in his journal, "but when we do so. Ultimately, we did this to ourselves, because we humans did not care for the world that God created; instead, we polluted it, fought many wars over it, many of which were pointless, and conditioned ourselves to be offended by every single thing somebody says. Now social media is dying, for example, and brick-and-mortar stores are making a comeback. I never thought I'd see the original Woolworth's go back into business, but it has! In fact, the grand opening was yesterday, and it was full of people! Thankfully they were patient, and didn't risk a crowd crush. The sheer numbers of C.I.D.F. soldiers constantly on patrol is a risk for a crowd crush in itself, but they know what they are doing. They're not trying to make us feel guilty, however; that's just what the supernatural wanted us to think." ------------- What didn't change, however, was how some furs were more powerful than others, with the Magical Drummer still being the most powerful percussionist of all, Triumphant Trumpeter being the most powerful brass performer of all, and Flute Fennec being the most powerful woodwind performer of all. (This is based on how CNG wanted them to influence the world with their magical powers, and without social media or some other medium.) We still have yet to find the most powerful string player, because this is how CNG broke it down by category. Leonce is the most powerful pianist in this regard. It is mind-boggling; I am not even in the top 10! (In this regard, Cripto is the most powerful guitarist, as well as being the most powerful of all; after all, he is the ultimate superhero. "I don't get it," he said. "I thought it was J.R. of J.R. and the Rebels; he has the atomic guitar!") The Magical Drummer was anxious to know this, because his public drumming performances could easily cause chaos if it got out of control, especially if he was to get very angry while drumming. Nothing he had done so far, however, got out of control, so Super C encouraged him to keep up the good work and be proud of himself. Still, it was something to pay attention to, because as the C.I.D.F. revealed, he and his drum alone would have done the job, but he had other superpowered animal musicians with him, and so the effects were cranked up to 11, so to speak. As a result, it was leading everybody to feel extreme guilt for the things he and his comrades was protesting against, but this was not the rat's intentions. This is why he felt sad, even though his mission was accomplished. (He still talks to Super C at times when necessary.) Drumming along to fife and drum music, however, made him feel better. (Alternatively, his cousin, Reginald the Rat, would play the fife's melodies on his trombone.) ---------------- This is the important part, however. The G-52s and allies themselves, as well as the C.I.D.F., are immune to one another in regards to how our words are now treated as law. The rest of the public is not safe from this. So the penalties will be stricter. On the other hand, the public needs to grow up as well; they're not going to benefit themselves if they think the only way they will live at all is obeying us to the letter. (This is giving the Commander a headache as well, believe me. This is actually a grim time for the G-52s and their allies.) This doesn't just happen if we tell somebody to do something. Even if we were to ask someone politely, they'd do it, no questions asked. "Don't do anything rash, please," Cripto said. "It will make us all look bad." The rare exceptions to this rule are the cartoonist George D. Higgins and his relatives; George is the one Billy Bob Jolson wanted to kill, because he thought the cartoonist's drawings influenced people to vote for me instead of Joe Biden. (Jolson himself is dead.) I awarded George with the Presidential Medal of Freedom for his deeds in helping us apprehend Jolson, which later led to the apprehension of more terrorists. --------------- All of this is leading to what the old me wanted: a better-behaved world. It was just not the way we planned it. Besides, there is really only one person worthy of ruling over all the universe, and that person is Jesus Christ. And thankfully, one fine day, He will return and straighten this whole mess out. Until then, I ask everybody to stay strong, and stay courageous. In return, I am holding my tongue as needed. I'll bite it if I have to bite it, and that hurts! -------- Thanks for lending me your ears, and sleep well, America. When all is said and done, you're safe. And keep praying for all of us, but Canada especially. They need all the help they can get. Good night. --------- [color=blue][b]THE END[/b][/color]