In a dimly lit convenience store, Jeremy had gotten his usual, a tall energy drink and some unfilling junk food to get him through half the evening if he were lucky. He paid the overpriced amount and head out the door, prepared for the rest of his day at the office crunching away just to afford his small apartment. Without paying attention he tripped over the metal lip and fell flat on his face. The first thing he felt after was a sharp pain on both his chin and nose at the same time. Instinctively he took his hand to rub the injury, and felt something odd, it was like his whole face was smaller. It felt different too, now a lot softer. All these changes weren’t enough to clue him in how much everything had changed, instead it was the wolf walking on two legs towards him, and the words that came out of his muzzle, “what are you doing there on the ground, flatfoot? Get out of the way.” 
Jeremy tried to do what the wolf said, the glint of his sharp teeth made something in his brain light up and move his legs, but when he tried to concentrate on the act of getting up he found himself flopping on his belly again. Something about his feet felt off. The wolf huffed and simply stepped over him. This was getting ridiculous. What was he doing lying prone in the doorway of a gas station? But that was the least of his problems, a wolf just spoke to him in complete English!
After wrestling with his legs he was finally able to stand on his feet, his long white feet covered in fur. Something was terribly wrong, he was looking at his feet but they weren’t there, he was feeling his body but it wasn’t skin, he felt his face and it was bulbous and rounded, with massive furry cones above his temples instead of his human ears. Conveniently the window of the convenience store gave him the full view of himself. Except it wasn’t himself at all, staring back in blurry vision was a white rabbit in completely bare fur. As he turned his head to the side the image became clearer to his eyes, or at least one at a time. He could see his beady black eyes positioned at the side of his head and it was making everything confusing. He could see more things beside him than he could see in front, and both eyes were looking at two different directions at once. They at least could tell him that he wasn’t even in the same place anymore, it was a gas station, but the logos were different, the cars were different and he was much closer to the city than he remembered. Jeremy’s ears picked up the conversation from inside the store, someone was asking the clerk questions. Jeremy looked straight on to see the blurred image a white mouse dressed in a purple shirt with blue pants, talking to a beaver wearing a stained apron and company shirt. The mouse had a dozen cups arranged in order of size, she pointed to the smallest one.
“Could I get a slushy in this cup?” She asked
“Yes” said the clerk through his buck teeth
She pointed to the next one over “how about this one?”
“Yeah, do whatever you want”
Then she pointed to the one of the bigger 64 oz cups, “what aboooouuuut, this one?”
“I mean it will cost extra, but yes, you can do it.”
The mouse moved over to a ludicrously large cup, the size of a whole bucket. “Eeeeven this ooone?”
“Look lady, I don’t care what you do, you can drink the slushie right out of the fountain as long you buy something and get off my tail”
The mouse’s eyes lit up, “I can?”
“Yes, fine! Just go away!”
The mouse nested all the cups into each other one by one, then bounced over to the fountain to drink right off the nozzle.
Jeremy had seen the whole thing with his eyes and it was straight out of a comic strip. It felt like the world was spinning, he felt his adrenaline pumping and going through his system, to include the long vessels inside his tall thrumming ears.
Not only was he somewhere completely different from his home. Not only was he stuck in the body of a giant rabbit. Not only was everyone around him talking animals, but they acted like complete nitwits.
That was the last straw. Jeremy just couldn’t take all this madness. He screamed at the top of his lungs, drawing the look of everyone in the store and ran as fast as his giant feet could take him, which happened to be very fast as Jeremy found himself already running through the city streets and sidewalks. His wide vision getting glances at crowds of animals of every kind. Mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, large animals, tiny animals. Animals on two legs and animals on four, some animals even having six limbs total. Everything melted together in Jeremy’s panic, he bumped into too many passerby to keep track of, but every single one shouted in anger.
Then at last he felt fatigue, his whole body was hot like a furnace, but he wasn’t sweating. Instead he was compelled to pant like a dog, mouth opened wide on his muzzle. The rabbit had stopped to catch his breath in an empty alleyway. He could feel his new self struggling to regain stamina, he must’ve stood still for fifteen minutes, then he sat down on the pavement for even longer, panting the whole time. Jeremy got a good look at his hands, now paws. They were covered in a scruffy layer of fur. Enough to obscure the thick pads he could feel at the digits and the palm. He poked at them with his new claws, and in counting them he realized something that made his heart sink even lower than it currently was: he was completely missing his pinky on both paws, only having eight digits between the two of them. His feet were the same story, only four toes followed by fur covering long springy legs that just took him faster than he had ever gone. He tried to relax, but every time he took breath through his muzzle, or felt his fur blow through the air, or even looked around with his warped perception was a tangible reminder of the horror show he had stepped into. He wanted it to be over, it had to be some kind of nightmare, Jeremey made a silent vow to never move from this spot until he was himself again.
Then his sensitive ears picked up something again. The faint clicking of shoes closer than the noise of the city. He turned his head to focus one eye down the alley. It was that mouse from earlier, the annoying one that drank sugary ice straight from the nozzle. She was coming towards him, eyes fixated on his own. He thought to run, but he made his vow, and something about her seemed the exact opposite of threatening, even though he could feel his heart pounding in his chest as she got closer. When she was standing above him, she tilted her head and spoke. “You’re that bunny from earlier. Why did you run huh?”
Her simple question made him feel almost obligated to answer, but could he even speak at all? He could scream so he might as well try.
“My name is Jeremy, and I’m not supposed to be here, I’m not supposed to be an animal! I’m supposed to be human, and I need a way to get home ASAP!”
“Human? What’s that? Is that like a job or something?”
“No, human. Homo sapien. Smooth skin, five fingers, front facing eyes, no tail.”
The mouse had an empty look into her eyes, Jeremy gestured to her pocket. “Do you crazy animal people have phones? Or are they made of mud and rocks?”
Cecilia took her phone out of her pocket. It was glass and silicon just like he was familiar with, only the whole device itself was wider and there was a long apparatus that looked like a microphone folded on the back. “Let me just show you instead, miss uhh.”
“My name is Cecilia.” The mouse said with a smile.
“Cecilia, look up the word human, that’s H. U. M. A. N. You’ll see what I’m talking about I’m sure.”
There were a few taps on the phone with accompanying digital clicks, Cecilia’s eyes narrowed and she showed her screen. “Nothing comes up.”
Jeremy didn’t hesitate, he swiped the phone right out of the mouse’s paws and looked at the screen. Completely blank with text displaying “zero results found” and a little blurb about searching something else instead. As if the phone were mocking him for looking up something so ridiculous. Jeremy brought up the keypad on the phone himself, and searched up more things. Every word he could think of that meant “human being”. Humanoid: nothing. Homo sapien: zero. Man, woman, homo erectus, Neanderthal, chimpanzee, gorilla, all returning the same thing: Absolutely nothing at all.
This was more than a bad dream, it was complete insanity. Jeremy knew humans were real, he had been one for thirty years and was still one just over thirty minutes ago. He grew up human, with fellow humans, and before he could even say goodbye to the world he spent his entire life in, it was all gone. He twitched his nose in rage, and the twitching only made him more angry. One his left eye caught the image of Cecilia looking with a blank expression. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Listen to me! I’m not a rabbit! I’m not a rabbit! I want to go home right now and never have to think about this crazy place again!”
“Hey, be careful! You dropped my phone!” Cecilia pulled herself away and picked her device off the concrete, inspecting the screen for a crack.
“I don’t know what’s got you so upset, but I’d like to help if I can.” She said “you say you’re not a rabbit, but you sure look like one to me. And you’re a very cute rabbit too.” Cecilia smiled brightly and poked Jeremy’s white chestfluff. “I knew you’d be fun to follow around, and I’m not leaving until you have some fun.”
The red in Jeremy’s eyes was starting to fade. Animal or not he didn’t want to hurt the mouse, and something about her personality had made him calm. When he really thought about it, no stranger had ever taken this much of an interest in him.
“Umm, okay” he said simply. “What do people here do for fun? And where is here? And why is everyone an animal? And why are there no humans? Or even simians!?” Cecilia pat the rabbit on the back, “I still don’t know what those last two things are. But I think we should start with what you want to do first. What would that be?”
They began walking, Jeremy placed his heel first, then rolled the foot forward like he always did, only instead of the natural stopping point his foot was still on the ground. Then the toes of his second foot grazed the ground and came to a sudden stop. Everything got tangled. Jeremy tripped over his big feet and fell on his stomach. Cecilia crouched down, and took the rabbit’s paw. “I’ve never seen anyone trip like that. You don’t just need a friend, you need a seeing eye mouse. Also, you didn’t answer my question.” Cecilia closed off her statement with a boop to Jeremy’s nose. He turned around and looked at his long feet, his eyes moved up to look at his legs. “I need…. Clothes”
The two of them walked out of the alley with Cecilia holding Jeremy by the shoulder to keep him steady. His eyes were taking in the sights a lot more clearly than when he was running like a crazy person. All the animal people were walking around like it was just another day. They didn’t even notice Jeremy’s lack of clothes, that was because others were just as nude as he was. He saw animals with bright colored fur and others with unnatural patterns that looked like tattoos. Looking up there were big digital displays on the buildings with other animals like himself showing off products and movies in colorful flashy ads. It was both incredibly different and mostly the same. It’s not like Jeremy was taken centuries into the past and had to fend for himself. This place, be it another planet or some kind of purgatory for the most part seemed normal apart from the obvious.
He looked over on top of the buildings, then his eyes widened as he caught a bright orange flash in the sky. The black silhouette of a canid appeared flying in the air for a moment, then kicked a second vague figure clear across the sky before the canid pursued it in another flash of orange. “Cecilia! Did you see that?”
The mouse turned her head, “see what?”
Jeremy could tell that she had completely missed it, as did everyone else. But he just saw someone literally fly across the sky faster than a jet. “Uhh, never mind. Where’s the clothing store? Are we close or not?”
“Well I’m glad you asked” Cecilia said as she pointed to the glass door they were standing in front of. It was to a fancy outlet of a department store. “We’re right here. Volia is the best place to get something nice.”
Jeremy walked to the door thinking he was far enough away to just open the door himself, but then the door completely vanished and there was a sting of pain on his face again as he bumped right into the glass. Cecilia opened the door as he rubbed his throbbing nose, if he didn’t figure out how to see with his new eyes or move with his new feet, he’d end up with a busted skull or worse. As Jeremy and Cecilia stepped inside his mind raced to find the answer. Then he noticed Cecilia, she was a mouse. Her eyes were oriented like his were. He could watch and see what she did, but instead of moving around the store covered in fancy dark wood fixtures and racks full of hanging clothes, Cecilia oriented herself to him. “What kinda clothes were you looking for?” 
One of Jeremy’s eyes was looking at a mirror, he carefully stepped in front of it, moving like he was stepping over big rocks. There he got a clear view of himself. He was white as snow, and his fur was scruffy enough to cover the undesirables pretty well, but he still felt exposed. Having fur felt like wearing something that covered every single inch of your body, but it was so fluid it also felt like wearing nothing at all. When the air moved he could still feel it pass through the fur and kiss his skin, but when the air was still, Jeremy was warm and insulated, despite being naked. “The first thing I need is some pants.” He said to Cecilia, now looking at his legs. 
“Give me a minute and I’ll pick out something cute for you, I’m gonna get a whole outfit together!”
Jeremy watched the mouse move, he wanted to pay attention to how she conducted herself in a body somewhat close to his, but she disappeared behind racks and shelves. He was still left with nothing, so he stood still, afraid to move because his body just didn’t know how. Jeremy closed his eyes and he swore he could feel his brain trying to rewire itself, connecting old nerves to new muscles and test firing the connections with the twitching of his nose and ears.
He could just ask Cecilia how she did things, but how would he start a conversation like that? Would she even know what he was talking about or be dumbfounded about the idea of a rabbit not knowing how to walk or even see straight?
She came back as soon as she left with long jeans and a plaid shirt. “Here try these on!” She handed him the clothes in their hangers and there was an awkward pause. It was obvious, she expected Jeremy to just walk over to the dressing room, but that was the problem, he couldn’t possibly do that without tripping over himself again. Not to mention having to put on pants when he could barely see what’s right in front of him. No, he needed a starting point, just a hint on what to do next. “Cecilia, to you this may seem like a crazy question. But I’m serious and I need a real answer: How do you see?”
“See?” Cecilia responded while cocking her head to the side.
“Yes, because when I focus on what’s in front of me it’s small and a little blurry, and when it gets too close it disappears. And my eyes are telling me what’s on this side and what’s on that side at the same time, and I can even see a little bit directly behind me. Cecilia, it’s so much! How do you put up with it?”
“Things don’t disappear for me, but I think I get where you’re coming from. You just have to use your nose.”
That was the big tip he needed? His nose? Jeremy opened his muzzle to say something, but he paused at an involuntary twitch of his nose. He took a sniff of the air and it clicked. Jeremy had been smelling things the whole time. The artificial fruit flavor from the slushies at the gas station, then the cornucopia of smells in the city. From the different animals, to lingering scents of food, to even the smell of plaster and paint lingering on the wall. Now as Jeremy took breath in his nose he smelled the antique wood and perfumes that permeated the store. There was something faint there too, the smell of cleaner. That either had to be the bathroom or the changing room with janitorial supplies also stored there. Nevertheless, his nose was telling him where it was and how to get there all on its own. He focused on it and walked forwards. Using his nose plus his eyes that could see clearly enough was finally making things make sense. Jeremy followed the scent past clothing racks, shelves and mannequins of featureless animal people big and small. His hunch was right, Jeremy turned his head and saw the signage for the changing room, the scent of cleaner was coming from there too. It all worked like magic, even his feet were cooperating whenever left to move on their own.
Cecilia waited around while her new friend was busy changing. She browsed over items herself, picking out some sparkling dresses and holding them to her chest in front of the mirror. Cecilia noticed her buck teeth in the mirror and tapped them with a finger. “I didn’t think these had grown so much.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a bruxing log made of a purple wood material. The mouse started gnawing on the log to file  her teeth down to a comfortable size. There was a purring sound coming from the mouse when Jeremy exited the changing room wearing his full outfit. Getting dressed wasn’t the big issue he was stressing over, but the rabbit still had to wrestle with all the parts of his body being a different shape. Wearing clothes made him feel a little better, but now he could feel the fabric slide and press against his fur. It was a choice between being comfortable or being decent. For now, he would choose the latter. At least now he looked a little bit more like himself.
Jeremy looked around for his guide, he didn’t have any money for the clothes so he assumed Cecilia was being generous. This time his ears led him around the store, being drawn by the sound of soft purring. Jeremy noticed that his nose had also remembered the floral scent the mouse wore in its own. He found Cecilia chewing on a cylinder in front of a mirror. It was the weirdest thing. “Okay, how do I look?” He asked 
Cecilia looked him over with a smile and the biggest sparkle in her eyes. “You look great! Let’s get you checked out, and we can move on to getting ice cream!”
Jeremy pointed to the object Cecilia was carrying. “Before we get to that, what were you doing there?”
“Oh, I was just bruxing. Did you need to borrow my log so you can brux too?” She said, bringing the purple cylinder with visible bites in it close up to Jeremy’s face.
“What? No! What is bruxing? I don’t want to eat that!”
“It’s made of plant fiber, and it tastes like lavender! If you want another flavor I guess we could stop by the market first.”
“But why do I need one? Why do you need one?”
“For your teeth, to file them down.”
“And why on earth would I do that?”
“Earth? Like dirt? I’ve never heard someone say it like that. They usually say Zoraph. But anyway. I have to file my teeth because they don’t stop growing, and they’d get too long and unwieldy without maintenance. It’s the same with yours.”
Jeremy was left speechless, his eyes blank. “My teeth are just gonna keep growing?!”
“Unless you brux, that’s either grinding your teeth together or chewing on something rough. These logs make it easier and, they’re good for you..”
“I’m not chewing on something that you’ve already been gnawing on. Let’s just get out of here. I’ve got my clothes now I need to figure out how to get back, and change back. You mentioned Zoraph earlier. Is that where I am?”
“Yep, planet Zoraph. It looks just like a paw. And it’s so big, no one’s ever seen the whole thing in their lifetime. There’s also a lot that hasn’t been seen at all. That’s why I love my job.”
Jeremy needed a moment to process. Being on another planet was the most sensible thing he’s heard today. It answered a lot of questions, except of course how came to be here in a lagomorph body.
The two of them were standing in line to check out of the store. Jeremy was still wearing what he was going to buy. He was looking at his rodent acquaintance. Cecilia had done a lot for him, but it didn’t seem like she was getting the big picture. The rabbit sighed. “Cecilia, thank you for taking me in and helping me on my feet. But before we do anything else. I have some else to ask you.”
“What is it Jeremy?” She said with that captivating glint in her eyes.
“I need to know for sure, you understand my problem don’t you? You know what’s happened to me?”
“Of course, you’re new to being here and you’ve never been a rabbit before. That’s what you told me when we met.”
“You would believe me just like that?”
“Why shouldn’t I? Are you lying?”
“Of course not.”
“Then let’s go get some ice cream.”
It was their turn at the counter. Cecilia was ready to pay after the dingo clerk tallied up the cost on her computer. The mouse was in the middle of handing her card over to the clerk when Jeremy heard someone call her friend’s name. “Cecilia! I can’t believe I’ve found you here!” They both turned around, and Jeremy saw something he was never expecting.
A tall raccoon wearing a short cut black tee with an ice cream cone graphic with a “:(“ face. Below her exposed grey midriff were short denim capris. Her clothes had to be deliberately picked out to accentuate the bountiful hourglass curves she was sporting. She walked with a stride that swayed her wide hips and approached the counter. The raccoon stood a whole head taller than the mouse, including her big ears. Cecilia addressed her friend “Denice! How’s it been?”
“It’s been great, I’ve been having an afternoon on the town and I’m super down to have company. I see you’ve picked up a new friend.” She said tilting her head at Jeremy.
“Yeah! This is Jeremy! He needed some clothes so I helped him out.”
“Buying clothes? Where did you pick him up? An alley? Cecilia! Don’t let this guy stiff you! He’s just trying to get a free ride.”
Cecilia passed off her card to the clerk, and then responded. “No, it’s not like that. It’s like…” she then beckoned to Denice who lowered her head so Cecilia could whisper into her pointed ear. Even with his sensitive hearing, the mouse spoke in a quiet low register so he couldn’t make out what she was saying. He did notice the raccoon’s expressions changing wildly as Cecilia spoke. From a narrow eyed look of disbelief to a wide eyed shock and surprise. All the while Denice was shooting glances at Jeremy. Her purple eyes were captivating. It would take someone without eyes to say Denice wasn’t an attractive woman, but she wasn’t a woman. Jeremy’s heart was fluttering over an animal. Now Denice was whispering to Cecilia, the moving lips obscured by the mouse’s dinner plate ears. Cecilia nodded and the two quit their gossiping.
“Well, your friend is cute, but I can smell how much he’s liking what he sees.” Denice said with a smirk
He felt the blush rush up to his ears, was it really that obvious? “What? No! I’m not interested in a lady covered in hair! You’ve got a tail for goodness sake!”
Denice put a paw on her hip and tapped her foot. “Speak for yourself cotton-tail. I was just kidding anyway.“ She leaned back down to her mouse friend who was putting her card back into her purse. “You’re right Cecilia, he is new. But did you know he was so snappy?”
“I didn’t, but I think he aught to apologize.”
“Apologize for what? I’m a human! I’m interested in other humans! Not animals I’m not a deviant!” Jeremy yelled, while lying through his big teeth. He was getting tired of this. All the teasing, and learning new things about his body and where he was. It was making it too easy to forget where he was from, and life he lived just hours ago. He had to hold onto something, for his own sake. But now he was getting on Cecilia’s bad side, and something about that made him feel horrible.
“Alright, I’m sorry. There, now can we move on?”
Cecilia smiled again and her eyes lit up after a sudden realization. “That’s right! We were going to get ice cream.”
In a move that surprised himself, Jeremy found his foot rapidly pounding on the ground. “I don’t want ice cream, I want to go home!”
“Jeremy is looking pretty wound up. If you don’t mind a change of plans Cecilia, I’d say the thing he really needs is a drink.”
“Does that mean we’re going to Chuck’s?”
“I think it does.”
Cecilia jumped into the air with happiness. “Yippee! We haven’t been in so long!”
“Then let’s not waste another minute.”
The party of three headed back into the city streets. The two ladies didn’t seem like they wanted to call a cab. Jeremy’s big feet weren’t tripping him up as much, but he was too afraid of face planting again. (he could still feel the last few bumps on his muzzle) 
Walking carefully was slowing him down. Enough to make him the caboose of the entourage. Now he was thankful his eyes didn’t focus well in front of him, he could focus on things other than the two ladies leading him around. The last thing that Jeremy expected was becoming the third wheel in a group of females even moreso than becoming a rabbit. Jeremy did wonder about the two friends he was tagging along with. Specifically about how someone as cheery as Cecilia could manage to even meet someone who looked like Denice did. What could they have in common? Cecilia looked back at Jeremy. He was much further away from them as the three had moved on. “Come on slowpoke!” She actually skipped over to him and took his paw. “I get that you’re still figuring it out, but rabbits are supposed to be fast! Plus you should be excited, we’re going to Chuck’s!”
“Yeah, a bar but what’s so special about it?” Jeremy said
“Chuck’s Night Emporium. It’s where Cecilia and I first met. They’ve really spruced up the place since we were last there together.”  Denice said once she poked her head in.
“Did they really put in games and frozen yogurt like I wrote them?” Cecilia asked.
The raccoon nodded, “and drinks too of course.”
Jeremy was ready for the chance to try and ease his nerves. But his mind went back to trying to figure out the mouse. “What’s your go-to, Cecilia? Wine? Cocktail? Shots?”
The mouse brought a paw to her chin. “I like grape juice. I don’t really drink alcohol.”
“Grape juice? Are you five?!”
“I am not! I’m 27 years old!”
“So you’re nearly 30 years old skipping around and drinking from soda fountains?”
“Soda fountains? Did you trick the new guy again at that pit stop?” Denice added
“I didn’t really trick him, I asked him if I could drink the slushy from the nozzle and he said yes. So I did!”
“Such a sneaky mouse, you don’t need alcohol to come up with a scheme like that.”
Jeremy sighed, he needed that drink more than ever. What he thought was normal was being pushed further and further away. An adult who acts like a child, and that draws the interest of someone who should have people fawning, all over her? It was too weird. 
They turned the corner back into another alleyway. They’d all walked about three blocks to get this place. They’d blue neon sign said it all: Chuck’s Night Emporium. There was a big line beside the door with a grizzly looking deer as the bouncer. Jeremy looked up at the sun, it looked like it was noon. He still remembered how he started his day, waking up at the crack of dawn and having to rush to work, then realizing his car wouldn’t have the gas to make it home. After being chewed out by his boss he was given the reprimand for being a few minutes late. After getting gas he thought he might as well get some coffee and snacks to make the business hours more tolerable.
Then it all changed, now he was out of work going to a bar with two giant mouse and raccoon escorts. It was more than any human woman had done for him. Jeremy would be happier if he didn’t have hair coming out of every inch of skin, or a tail that was being squished by tight pants. 
Now they were moving up the line. The bouncer took one look and either tilted his head full of sharp antlers to the door or opened the rope to let them out. When it was the party’s turn the deer smiled and uncrossed his arms. Denice! Now it’s a party, who are your friends?” The raccoon lightly pinched the mouse and rabbit’s ear. “This is one of my best friends Cecilia. She’s been here before, and her plus one is Jeremy, we’re trying to show him a good time. The buck opened the door for the three of them. “Well I hope he treats you ladies well.”
No fuss, but the rabbit was once again the butt of the joke, he turned his eyes and focused his vision right over to the bar stand. Everything was dark, save for the strobing lights and lit up floors. The bar’s counter glowed a cool electric blue next to the large dance floor. Jeremy was tuning the music out, but when he focused on it he heard sounds and tones he had never heard before. High pitched clicks and rings that vibrated through his tall ears. It wasn’t a cacophony either, they were a part of the EDM playing.
Cecilia bounced over past the bartop, that’s where the arcade portion of the club was. Past the dark neon rave there was a well lit area with checkerboard tile, a pool table, and many cabinets of retro and modern arcade games. It looked incredibly out of place, but there it was, and Cecilia was all over it. Denice led Jeremy to the bar and took a seat on the stool close to the arcade. The bartender was some kind of mammal, he looked like a mix between a dog and a cat, with dirty blond fur under his suit and a long pointed tail. When he moved away to make the drinks Denice ordered, Jeremy could see that the catdog wasn’t wearing pants. At his hips the blonde fur also had sharp stripes of brown. Jeremy knew he’d seen this before, but he couldn’t quite place it. Two martinis were placed in front of the rabbit and raccoon. Jeremy forgot about the mystery of the bartender and took the drink in his paw. Holding it with four fingers was awkward, not to mention the pads that thickened his fingers and made them hard to move. Nevertheless, he pinched the stem of the glass and saw Denice do the same. Before he was going to get too drunk to do so, he decided he needed some more answers. “So, Denice. You and her, how did that even happen? I mean Cecilia is so…”
“Let me clear it up before you insult my friend again. Years ago I met Cecilia sitting in one of these seats. She tried to order ice cream from the bar and when she got told off she got into a slump.”
“I just don’t understand why she acts so childish. I mean going to a bar for ice cream?”
“Don’t underestimate her, she’s the reason the owner put in this arcade. She kept writing them for a request over and over and eventually they caved. She sent them statistics, profit quarterlies, even recipes for frozen yogurt.”
Jeremy was speechless, so Denice continued.
“The thing is, before I met her I had done everything. Sleeping around, theft, gambling, using my looks to get what I want, and letting people walk over me. I was living my life the way I thought I should. I grew up on the streets and I fell into the crowd that doesn’t care who they hurt as long as they can make a living. It left me empty. I walked into this bar prepared to do what I always did, then I saw Cecilia standing out like a dull claw. I wanted to do something good for once in my life, so instead of picking up some guy I took her around town. We had a blast, the most fun I’ve ever had. I opened up to her and she told me about going to college for journalism. Since then we’ve been friends. Now I’ve got a clean nose, I do things the right way cause Cecilia believed that I could.”
Again Jeremy was left without a response. He couldn’t relate to anything Denice had said. All he did these days was work and sleep and pray his rent didn’t get any higher. His job was monotonous, his life was empty. Even his childhood was unremarkable. He didn’t have friends back home, family sure, but no one to stand up for him like these two did for each other.
“The point is,” Denice continued, “Cecilia changed my life, and she’ll change yours too.”
Jeremy finally took a sip from the martini, wrapping his muzzle around the glass was clumsy and the fur on his face got wet as the drink went everywhere except in his mouth. He slammed the cup back down. “My life has already changed too much. I mean, if this is all some message from the universe to get me to loosen up, then I’d sell everything I have and move on. First I have to get home where things make sense again and I can drink a blasted martini without these big stupid teeth in the way!”
“I give you my sob story and you’re still saying the same thing. You could at least pretend you’re having fun.”
Cecilia came to the bar with three big bowls of frozen yogurt. “Look Denice, they got peanut butter! And I got you chocolate, and you strawberry.” She passed the paper bowl of pink yogurt over to Jeremy. He was looking at Denice ready to eat her chocolate yogurt. “Hey isn’t that stuff poison?” The raccoon had already put a spoonful in her mouth. She raised an eyebrow, “yeah, because I would eat a whole glob of poison without thinking about it. It’s just flavoring.”
“Okay, then how is this yogurt even made? I’ve seen a cow in this club, do they clock into the plant and milk themselves?”
“Only if they’re desperate for cash, but no. Most stuff is synthetic. Made in a factory, but you can’t tell the difference.”
Now he was curious. He took a bite and all he tasted was strawberry flavored yogurt. The metal spoon bumping against his teeth. “If it’s synthetic then who makes it?”
“Several companies, but Fluftec is the biggest. You still have organic farms too with dairy cows for milk and beef. But synthetic products are cheaper to make.” Cecilia said
“How do you know this?”
“My thesis was all about the food industry. I did some heavy digging and figured out Fluftec had a monopoly and was putting pressure on small businesses.”
“And now they don’t. Funny how that works huh?” Denice added
“Alright then, if you’re the food expert, tell me what I can drink to start having this ‘fun’ you both keep talking about.”
The raccoon turned to the bartender. “Get us started on some shots, thylacine friend.”
The small drinks slid by and Jeremy immediately snatched one up. As he downed it he felt the warmth spread through his body, from his chest up to his tall ears and thick toes. When he felt a buzz he finally figured out what the bartender was. He was a thylacine, or a Tasmanian tiger back on earth where they were all gone.
The drinks kept flowing, Jeremy was drinking a different flavor every time, tequila, vodka, apple, now fireballs. Denice was having a few too, but not nearly as much as the rabbit. Cecilia was finishing off her yogurt, and taking bites out of others.
Jeremy’s mind was becoming a haze, he forgot about suddenly going from human to rabbit, how he left everything behind and as far as he knew he wouldn’t be going back.
Jeremy’s last inhibitions faded away, he didn’t care about being awkward or how strange everything was now. He started talking about everything. His childhood, what humans were, how they looked and how they acted. A crowd was forming around him as he kept going.
“And we found the most poisonous creature on the planet, and found a way to eat it!” 
“So what exactly did these humans look like?” Said the thylacine barkeep
“I’ll need a paper and a pen.” Jeremy replied
He was given the materials and started sketching out a picture. Everyone was watching close, with Cecilia poking her head in the closest. She watched the rabbit draw a human, a biped with two arms.
“No big ears?” Cecilia asked
“Nope” Jeremy replied
“No tail?”
“Nuh uh”
“No paws?”
“Negative”
“No… fur!?”
“Absolutely not”
“But that’s so…. Sad”
“You know what, I guess it is pretty sad.”
The barkeep took the sketch and examined it.
“This is crazy, you’re crazy. I’m calling the cops.” And he walked to the back for the phone.
“Hey! Don’t leave me hanging!” Shouted the rabbit in slurred speech. “As lovely as your striped behind is, I still need more drinks!” 
Jeremy was fading fast, he was teetering back and forth, nearly falling out of the seat. Denice held him steady by the shoulders while she talked to her friend. “Cecilia, I love to see Jeremy all loosened up but I think he’s had a little too much fun right?”
Cecilia nodded, “he looks tired.”
“Where do you think we should drop him off for the night?”
“Well, he really wants to get back to where he’s from. I want to help him out.”
“So that would mean…” the raccoon trailed on
“Yeah, let’s take him to see Ripple.”
A splitting headache woke Jeremy up from his slumber, he moved to rub his eyes, but his hands couldn’t find them. They opened immediately to light flooding into the room. He covered the sun with his hands and saw the silhouette of a bulky paw with thick fingers. As he moved his hand the paw moved, then he touched his eyes and rubbed his face. His thick paws felt the oblong shape of his face, his flat nose and then his big buck teeth. It wasn’t a bad dream, he was still a rabbit. The rest of Jeremy’s senses were coming back to him. The heat trapped under his fur, ambient sounds touching his ear, the distant smell of salt and spray in his nose, and the horrible pain on his backside, like his tailbone was being squished and squeezed. He looked around to see where he was. He was laying in a hammock in some wood cabin full of plants, seashells, jars of spices and liquids, along with mortars and pestles big and small.
“Lookie here! Mr. Cottonless Tail is awake.”
It was a nasally voice, but Jeremy had no clue where it was coming from. “Ha ha, this is going to be good. Over here, new guy.”
The rabbit turned his head to where his ears wanted him to look. All he saw was a grey rock about the size of a bowling ball with painted on eyes. The rock moved and twitched while the voice spoke to him again. “What’s your problem? Never seen a rock before? Ha ha ha!”
Jeremy dared to indulge in what he was witnessing. “You can talk?” He asked
“Of course I can! Your ears aren’t broken are they. Hey girls! Mr. No Tail is awake!”
The sound of heavy steps on wood grew closer. An otter entered first. Her fur was bright pink as the base, with a lighter tone on her front. Her build was large and bulky. A well-fed swimmer’s body and she was wearing very little. Dressed in an actual grass skirt and leather bra. “Hey there, it’s good to see you awake. My name is Ripple, and you’re Jeremy right?”
“Jeremy? I liked my names a lot better. It’s more descriptive!” Commented the rock.
Jeremy thought things were weird before, but this was a whole new level. “Okay, you can hear that right? The rock is talking!”
“Geez this guy is kinda slow, are you sure he’s a good fit for your project Ripple?”
“It’s more than a project, Granite. He needs my help right?”
“I’ll say, grow him a tail!”
“I already have a tail! Don’t I?” Jeremy’s attention was back on the pain in his backside.
Cecilia stepped into the room with Denice following her. The mouse jumped right into the conversation. “You had a tail when I saw you. Where is it?”
“I actually haven’t seen his tail. Wait, hold on a second. Denice stepped over to the hammock and leaned in close to look at Jeremy’s pants. His heart pounded in his chest as the raccoon was looking right at his posterior.
“Hah! His free trial must’ve ran out and they took it back!” Said Granite
“You never cut out a tail hole for these pants. It probably hurts having to be pressed flat in there.”
“It does hurt! It hurts to high heaven! No one ever told me I had to cut my own pants after buying them!”
Denice straightened herself and crossed her arms. “Well, you didn’t buy them, Cecilia did and I don’t remember you saying thanks”
“It’s alright Denice, but we should cut in a hole right away. That rabbit tail is too cute to be hidden.”
“No! I don’t want to be sidetracked anymore. You, the pink one. You said you could help me right? What are you going to do? And why does the rock talk?”
“I’m the smoothest talking rock you’ll find this side of the equator!”
“Like I said, my name is Ripple, and Granite has been with me since I was a pup. He taught me what I know about alchemy and since then I’ve been doing my own research to be the best.”
“When I met her she couldn’t tell a witch’s brew from ambrosia!”
“Shush or I’ll use you to go clamming tonight.”
“Oh no not again!” The rock cried out
“And then she saved my life when I was rock climbing by her house!” Cecilia said
“Yes, me and Cecilia have been good friends since then, and she’s done so much for my research with all the great opportunities she’s given me.”
“Opportunities?” Asked Jeremy
“Remember what I said last night.” Said Denice, who was taking a sip of tea while making a passing glance at the white and purple mouse.
Jeremy slowly shook his head in disbelief. Cecilia wasn’t the reason he first became a rabbit, at least as far as he knew. It was because of her, however, that he was where he was now. In a shack with a pink otter and a talking rock with a real chance of things going back to normal. At this point after every impossible thing he’d been put through, it was starting to be less mental energy to just go with it instead. He stood up, “okay then, where do we start? What do I do?”
“Well first I’ve got to do this or Granite will never shut up about it.” Ripple stepped over and dug her index claw into the back of Jeremy’s pants to tear a hole big enough for his short tail to be free. Once the appendage wriggled through it felt like a truck had been lifted off his backside. He gave a sigh of relief.
“Well what do ya know? He did come with all parts assembled!” A final jab coming from the rock.
“Now step over here and we’ll get started.”
“Oh sure, leave me staring at your walls while you have fun.” Cried Granite as Jeremy and Ripple went behind the hammock and up a step into a small area with a big cauldron, beakers of colorful liquids on counter tops and various plants and spices hanging from the ceiling. Ripple reached down and produced a large book that looked like it was handwritten. She opened it up to highly detailed calligraphy, geometric symbols, and sketches of subjects from plants to animals. The otter kept flipping through the pages until she slammed her finger on a passage. “Here!”
Jeremy tried to read the passage, but his attention was drawn away by the otter turning around and picking ingredients to mix together. There he noticed the window behind them that showed an ocean view from high up, with a stretching beach to the side and a bright blue sky with something in it that he couldn’t make out. He turned around again to a burst of heat and smoke coming from the mixture Ripple had made. Cecilia and Denice had gathered around while the otter read the passage in the book.
“Return this rabbit from what they see, make them the human they were meant to be!”
Then Ripple tossed powder at the rabbit and he immediately began to tingle all over. He looked over at his white fur thinning, his fingers lengthening. He was turning back to normal. In only seconds he had regained his small ears, his short nose, his flat face and flat feet. He grew taller as his legs straightened out and his teeth could finally rest on the inside of his mouth. “It worked! You did it!” He shouted
Then as quickly as his happened, Jeremy’s whole body glowed in white light. He felt his arms regrow the fur. A scruffy grey covering his whole body. His hands became black paws, his ears grew out again as short pointed shapes. His muzzle lengthened and filled with sharp teeth, and his feet changed shape again to have opposable thumbs on their own. Lastly was his tail, which not only grew but stretched out to become his longest appendage. It was striped like Denice’s, only with a brighter white and darker black. Jeremy touched his face, his hands weren’t quite paws anymore, but they still weren’t his own, he whipped his head over to the window to look at his transparent reflection. There he could see his big yellow eyes, and the face of a lemur, that was now his own. A part of his muzzle was always in view, but at least his vision wasn’t crooked anymore.
“Look what ya did! Ya made a primate out of him!” Yelled Granite.
Jeremy was ready to toss the rock out of the window, he lunged over the counter to shout. “I thought you couldn’t see over there!”
“I know enough to tell what happened. You’re trying to become what doesn’t exist. It’s like trying to mix oil and water. No matter what you do you’ll always come up short and things will separate into their parts.”
“What are you trying to say, Granite?” Asked his mentor
“Humans, they don’t exist! They can never exist in any way big or small!” He replied.
“But I know what a human is, and so do a bunch of other people. They look like this!” Said Cecilia who was showing off the drawing from the bar that had now become a part of Ripple’s studies with extra notes scribbled on.
“Sure you can talk about em and look at em right now. But that’s because they’re mixed up! Eventually things will settle back and return to where they belong!”
“Okay then, forget about turning me human. What about going home? To Earth. Even if I get there as a talking lemur, that’d be one heck of a gig right? I’d be set for life! Every company would want to talk to me to be their mascot!”
“Earth? I’ve only heard what Cecilia told me, but maybe I can try something.”
Jeremy watched again as the otter threw ingredients and mixed potions together, this time dumping everything into her giant cauldron lit under a fire. “My clairvoyance brew can let me see just about anything, but I’ve never tried using it to see another planet.” The liquid swirled and glowed many colors until the fluid settled on something that looked exactly like the night sky, the stars twinkling in the lemur’s yellow eyes. “Almighty sight seeing soup! Show me the planet Earth!” Ripple wiggled her fingers and the liquid bubbled until it showed a new shape. In the middle of the starry sky was the planet that was so familiar to the lemur. The blue marble with the familiar shapes of the continents, Eurasia, Africa, the Americas, it was all there. Though it looked different. Jeremy couldn’t place it but something about Earth seemed off. “I want to see my house, see how things are going without me. Make it show Petertown road! Ripple twiddled her claws again “oh bubbling soup, what he said!”
The earth became bigger in the view of the cauldron, as the view zoomed in more and more. Jeremy had a smile across his muzzle, after so long he was finally getting to watch something he was familiar with. His smile then faded, eyes wide with terror as he was shown something else. It was Earth yes, it was his hometown, it was his apartment building, but everything was different. It was like looking into a sci-fi movie. Buildings with chunks of white steel built into them, hovering cars and bikes on roads still with plenty of plots for trees, but the worst thing about it was the people. It was the same as here, walking cats and talking dogs. Animal people everywhere and not a single human to be found. “It’s wrong, that can’t be Earth. It’s nothing like it! It’s just like here again.”
“I don’t know, I’ve made this brew hundreds of times and it’s always done what I wanted.” Ripple responded.
“And look at all that shiny stuff, we don’t have any of that here.” Cecilia added
“But if that’s Earth, then where am I?”
Ripple waved a paw over the cauldron and it bubbled to show a bright glowing pink paw in the middle of space. The paw had four yellow rings stretching from one outer-planet “toe” back to the inverted heart base. And a small sphere glowing pure white. “So that’s-“ Jeremy began.
“Zoraph” Cecilia finished.
He held his head down low and walked away, he kept walking until he found his way out of the wood shack, walking along the beach. When Jeremy was outside he looked up at the blue sky. He understood what he was looking at now. Streaks of dim yellow spanning the entire sky, those were the rings of the new planet he was on. Not just a new planet, a new reality, a whole new universe that he literally fell into one day ago. But why? One by one the new people he had met joined him on the sand. First Ripple, then Cecilia, and lastly Denice. They put their paws on his shoulders and stood still. “So I guess that’s it huh?” He said
“We at least tried our best to help right?” Cecilia said.
“I’d say we did, am I right Ripple?” Denice asked
“Well there’s always something more we could do. Another angle maybe, a different mixture. I know I need to do a lot more studying to figure this out. But we can do it! We’ve done it before, right?”
“Yeah!” Cecilia said with glee
“Like how we helped out Abby.” Added Denice
“Oh! You should meet her sometime Jeremy! She’s a cool friend and an explorer like me!” Cecilia said.
“Explor- actually… never mind.” Jeremy took a deep breath then turned his head to the mouse. “Cecilia, if she’s your friend, then I’m sure she’s wonderful.” He said with wink towards Denice
The raccoon stuck out her tongue and winked right back.